Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / October 2003

The autumn morning was already reaching 70°F, all traces of the fall
coolness erased as quickly as fog on a sunny summer day. I mopped my
forehead clear of sweat and glanced down at my watch; 0900.

"I hate these Indian Summer months!" I muttered darkly. "Who ever said this
was a beautiful time of year obviously hasn't seen my list of Todo items!" I
huffed and set to moving several boxes around and out to my truck for
hauling to the festival that night.

"<Whoof>" I whooshed as I threw a box onto my shoulders and staggered for
balance. "Dammit! Who added SAND to this one?" I could feel the veins in my
temples bulge, the tendons in my neck strain under the off-balanced load. I
waddled over to the pick-up bed.

<THUH-Wump!> "It wasn't that heavy when I moved it into my garage last
time..." I muttered for no one but myself. "What's in it?"

I pulled out my pocket knife and cut away the UV-damaged packing tape. The
cardboard flaps dissolved at their creases. I sighed, smelling paper dust
and sun damage, and stared at the two pieces in my hand,"Great... Hmmm. Oh
wow! Hey! Cool." I kept up the string of exclamations as I pulled each
wonder out from my box of plenty. Pretty soon I had six complete games for
the carnival booths laid about on my pick-up gate. I examined each game and
verified that every one was in working order, stuffed them back in the box
and shoved it towards the front of the pick-up bed.

I looked down at my watch again. 1045. "10:45! Oh man!" and like the white
hare in Alice's Wonderland, I dashed into Castle Ranger without looking
around, fretting the time I was wasting and hoping that I'd collected enough
paperwork to make it through my morning meeting.

"Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch. Yep. Coffee. Meeting book." I
opened the door to the garage, looking down at my feet to make sure I didn't
fall, all while I kept verbally ticking off my list of required items. "Pen.
Lighter. Candles. Whuhth'?!" I jumped three feet straight up (like I'd seen
my cats perform when something was under them) and cleared a five foot path
forward, crouched. I looked right and left without moving my head. "Nah.
That couldn't have been...." I stood up slowly, still scanning the floor
around me with my eyes. "Nothing there. Nothing there. How about..." and I
spun on the balls of my feet 180°.

Our eyes met. Its yellow eyes stared up at me, challengingly.

There, rust body with Stygian stripes sharp against the daisy yellow
linoleum flooring, was the largest specimen I'd ever seen. I moved forward,
adrenaline clearly blocking all thought processes. It opened its mouth in a
silent laugh. Food rarely ran TOWARD it; this was a novel concept and it
waited eagerly.

Carefully, every ounce of control I could manage focused on the steady
progress of my hand and feet, I reached down towards its craning neck and
curled body. I guesstimated its length at over ten inches, and as thick as a
broom handle. The Little Voice warned, "Careful; these bite." I brushed it
aside as inconsequential, like Tavio. My hand was less than six inches away
when suddenly, "HISS!" It launched itself at the skin between my thumb and
forefinger.

The capture, depending on whom you were looking at, was a success!

I held onto my newest acquisition -- and he onto his.

I immediately found one my terrariums (thank the gahdz for my laziness in
not putting it away like I'd been asked by SWMBO!) and popped the lid. It
made to take a bigger bite of my hand.

"No ya don't. In ya go." <click> I looked down at my hand. "Gahdz be damned!
You drew blood you little..." I sported a perfect imprint of pin-pricks in
the middle of my hand, top and bottom. The pointed jaw line and
evenly-spaced "teeth" showed just what category this creature belonged to. I
looked in through the Plexiglas(tm) siding.

"HISS!"

"Hah! Take that you... Brainless, brawny reptilian bovine!" I lifted the
terrarium and brought it back inside Castle Ranger's kitchen area. The
daughter-units would be in awe. I'd have to do a little PR spin for SWMBO
but I could manage that; after all, I didn't use one of her Tupperware this
time.

The Ranger