You know me, super sensitive!

Thread view:

Enable EMail Alerts

Start New Thread

Thread rating:

meeces - 26 Jun 2003 21:33 GMT

I chat at this yahoo group quite frequently. It's a mothers group and like
here I posted about things.

Well, I posted about my divorce there and this one woman kept offering me
advice. I'm getting like 10 emails from her on the ONE subject of my
divorce. Well, I politely asked her to not give me advice because it was
strickly a "vent" post. I even mentioned I was getting advice from a lawyer
and a legal group.

Well her response to me was this, and I quote (copied and pasted), "How do
you expect to work your way through the system without help? Are you not
afraid of losing your son?"

I admit I should have either nodded at the computer, ignored it, deleted it,
etc. I just had to reply but isn't it a bit "much" to jump to the conclusion
that because I'm not listening to her advice that I don't care?

I'm just looking at point of views on this.

Signature

-angie-
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.

Reply to this Message

toto - 26 Jun 2003 21:40 GMT

>I chat at this yahoo group quite frequently. It's a mothers group and like
>here I posted about things.
[quoted text clipped - 14 lines]
>
>I'm just looking at point of views on this.

I think you need to learn to listen to your own heart, Angie. From
what I have seen you have a good heart and you care about a lot of
things.

As to her jumping to a confusion (and that is not a mispelling), some
people are just plain *right all the time* in their own minds.

Signature

Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

Reply to this Message

Marc - 27 Jun 2003 01:28 GMT

<snip>
My POV - she has issues, and is desparate that nobody repeat the fight she
went through. Maybe say thank you, I hear you and leave it. Although if
she's so persistent if may not be that easy but if she thinks you've heard
her, you may have satisfied whatever itch she has.
Maybe a bit coldblooded.
Marc

Reply to this Message

Astromum - 27 Jun 2003 14:20 GMT

> I admit I should have either nodded at the computer, ignored it, deleted it,
> etc. I just had to reply but isn't it a bit "much" to jump to the conclusion
> that because I'm not listening to her advice that I don't care?
>
> I'm just looking at point of views on this.

Since you've told her repeatedly that you are not needing her advice, she
should bugger off. You're definitely not being oversensitive, she is being
way to obtrusive! What gives her the right to judge you and your choices?
I'd just ignore her, list her address as spam or something so you don't see
her messages anymore, and leave it. You have enough to deal with as it is.

Signature

-- Ilse
mom to Olaf (07/15/2002)
TTC #2
"What's the use of brains if you are a girl?"
Aletta Jacobs, first Dutch woman to receive a PhD

Reply to this Message

Stara Baba - 27 Jun 2003 14:36 GMT

> I chat at this yahoo group quite frequently. It's a mothers group and
> like here I posted about things.
[quoted text clipped - 15 lines]
>
> I'm just looking at point of views on this.

Email is a great opportunity to consider, and reconsider, a response.
Consider this brief response: "Thank you for your concern." Nothing
more. Such a reply acknowledges that you've received her mail and it
commits you to nothing.

Signature

-Barb --
<www.jamlady.eboard.com> - "I can, therefore I am."
Updated 6-7-03; "Sam I Am!" After 50, it's patch, patch, patch.
"It's my birthday, where's my present?"

Reply to this Message

Jarkat2002 - 27 Jun 2003 15:00 GMT

>Email is a great opportunity to consider, and reconsider, a response.
>Consider this brief response: "Thank you for your concern." Nothing
>more. Such a reply acknowledges that you've received her mail and it
>commits you to nothing.

Such a good point Barb.
There was a time when I was a telemarketer (ducks)lol
Everything was scripted ... if the person said this .. I was to say that ...
there was always something to 'argue' with.
One day I had someone just say NO.
I didn't know what to say back to them ... I had no argument ... I had no
response! Panicked I just said OK and hung up.
I learned a lot from that situation. I don't have to justify my actions to
anyone. I can just say NO and not have to give a reason back. Especially with
something that I'm dead set against. If I don't justify or give a reason ...
it's harder for them to argue w/ me. And it can be pretty unsettling for some
ppl, especially the bully types that are trying to manipulate and control.
Anyway ... doing this has really helped in my life ;)
~Kat

Planet Claire has pink air
All the trees are red
No one ever dies there
No one has a head

Reply to this Message

Stara Baba - 29 Jun 2003 03:56 GMT

> >Email is a great opportunity to consider, and reconsider, a response.
> >Consider this brief response: "Thank you for your concern." Nothing
[quoted text clipped - 8 lines]
> and hung up. I learned a lot from that situation. I don't have to
> justify my actions to anyone.

Bingo! Although I do think that some people are sometimes entitled to
explanations. One of my nieces lauds a remark I made to her once. One
of those things that had never crossed her mind: Just because someone
asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it. (Unless you're
in court and the judge says you gotta. :-) And there are any number
of ways to not answer a question besides saying, "That's none of your
business." (Although I don't mind that if it's said with the right tone
and demeanor.)

I can just say NO and not have to give a reason back.

Yup. "Well, why not?" "Because it doesn't suit me." "Well, why not?"
"Just because. And it's nothing I care to discuss further. Do you
think the rain will hurt the rhubarb?"

> Especially with something that I'm dead set against.
> If I don't justify or give a reason ... it's harder for them to argue
> w/ me. And it can be pretty unsettling for some ppl, especially the
> bully types that are trying to manipulate and control. Anyway ...
> doing this has really helped in my life ;) ~Kat

Oh, yeah. And have you ever noticed how uncomfortable some people are
with silence? If you remember that you don't have to say something just
to avoid a dead silence, that can be helpful in keeping one's foot from
one's mouth.

Signature

-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com>
We cannot change the wind; we can only adjust our sails.

Reply to this Message

Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / June 2003

You know me, super sensitive!