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Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / August 2003job loss(long)
Well this has sure been a year that I wish I could just forget. I early spring dh and I went through a bad spell . We have been working on things and have been able to work things through and been feeling closer than we have in a long time(been married 13 and a half years). Now Monday I get all three kids to school for the whole day. Dh and I have a great lunch out and I take the rest of the day for myself. Great day. Well fast forward to last night at 8pm. Husband comes out on the deck and tells me that he is going to be looking for work again as they are letting him go . Said he wouldn;t know the details till this AM. Well the details are this. Three months to find a job. Now i know that we are better off than some people who just get the axe with no warning(that happened to us a couple years ago) but I'm not sure that I can handle this. I was just now starting to see the light after the big D word was mentioned. It doesn't help that DH is an optomist and i am just the opposite. I don't want this job loss to hurt our newly found happiness but I don't know how to do that. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? :Lynn >Well this has sure been a year that I wish I could just forget. I early >spring dh and I went through a bad spell . We have been working on things [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] >happiness but I don't know how to do that. Does anyone have any words of >wisdom? {{{{{Lynn}}}}} I know facing a job loss can be very stressful. My dh was unemployed for 4 months this year, and had it not been for Unemployment Compensation, we would have been sunk. The biggest piece of advice I have is not to *let* the situation harm your happiness. It's not easy to go through this in the most stable of families and situations, but if you give it too much power, it can easily take over and cause more havoc than it deserves. {{{{{hugs}}}}} Nan That does sound like great advice. I was already working in that direction this morning. i woke up and told myself that I was not going to let a stupid job ruin everything that I have worked so hard to save. It's just that it's alot easier sain then done. wish I could just put the covers over my head and wake up when it's over! > That does sound like great advice. I was already working in that direction > this morning. i woke up and told myself that I was not going to let a stupid > job ruin everything that I have worked so hard to save. It's just that it's > alot easier sain then done. wish I could just put the covers over my head > and wake up when it's over! It is a lot easier said than done. Husband lost his job, due to ongoing medical problems, a couple weeks ago. Between that and the frustrations with the medical people it just threw me for a huge loop and I sat in the dumps for a while. It has been a very stressful year in many regards. I find that with some time to mentally adjust and reframe things both of us are dealing somewhat better and finding ways to be cheerful without feeling we are working at it. So, my advice is to give yourself permission to feel angry, sad, depressed, whatever, and you may well find some silver linings that help you start putting one foot in front of the other again. And, although you've probably already realized this, let me mention that your hubby is probably feeling very similarly to you and it is a good idea to remember that, acknowledge your feelings to each other and give each other extra breaks when you feel like snapping back for something. Find fun things you enjoy doing every day, if you can. Even if it is something as mundane as sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch watching the sunrise/set. Those things help heal the soul and bring peace to the heart. -Aula > I don't want this job loss to hurt our newly found >happiness but I don't know how to do that. Does anyone have any words of >wisdom? peace and serentity to you. dont let it upset your balance.. is worrying going to change anything??? {hugs} put yourself in the hands of the Gods Michelle -- If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away. - Henry David Thoreau remove the sand to reply to me. >> I don't want this job loss to hurt our newly found >>happiness but I don't know how to do that. Does anyone have any words of [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >dont let it upset your balance.. is worrying going to change >anything??? Between dh and I, I am the one that frets and worries. I finally took his advice about not worrying, as it doesn't change the situation, to heart. It's made a big difference on my stress level. Nan Sounds alot like us. He really doesn't see it as a problem at all and I already have us selling off the house. I am doing much better this time but I still am just keeping a lot of it inside so I don't drive him crazy. I just hope it doesn't take him too long to find something. Lynn >Sounds alot like us. He really doesn't see it as a problem at all and I >already have us selling off the house. I am doing much better this time but >I still am just keeping a lot of it inside so I don't drive him crazy. I >just hope it doesn't take him too long to find something. > >Lynn It's not good for you to keep it all inside, either. Vent here, if need be. This isn't for everyone, but something I've done before is to think of my "Worst Case Scenario" in a situation.... what is the absolute worse thing that could happen. What always ends up happening is far less than my "Worst Case", so I feel glad about that. And I've started realizing that even my "Worst Case" isn't horrible, as long as we figure a way out of it, eventually. Nan the worst case scene sounds like good advice. I know sometimes my brain just won't shut off and I come up with some pretty far fetched ideas about what is going to happen. Like you reality usually isn't really as bad as what my brain in overdrive comes up with. hopefully I can take your advice to heart and not drive the people around me crazy. Thamnks alot for your advice Lynn > Sounds alot like us. He really doesn't see it as a problem at all and I > already have us selling off the house. I am doing much better this time but > I still am just keeping a lot of it inside so I don't drive him crazy. I > just hope it doesn't take him too long to find something. > > Lynn {{{Lynn}}}. It is hard. Dh and I've been married 18 years, and went through a similar patch at about 7 years and 11 years. But eventually we each realised we didn't want to be with anyone else, so picking at each others faults dropped. ATM DH's work have just announced a spill and fill last week, with a 10% reduction in the number of jobs available, approx 150 people out. DH already has everything sold -almost. Also, the reno's that have been going on for the last year are going to be finalised with final accounts, mortgage drawdowns etc this coming week. Rotten timing though, he's on secondment elsewhere, so he doesn't have a real position anyways ATM, but somethings in the pipeworks. So fingers crossed for both DHs. Marc I'll be sending good luck vibes your way. Hopefully both of our situations will settle down soon. It's really hard to deal with big people stress when you have kids that need things from you. i don't think my youngest (7) really understands what is up but the 9 and especially the 11 year old know whats going on. Can't wait till it's all over! lynn >Well this has sure been a year that I wish I could just forget. I early >spring dh and I went through a bad spell . We have been working on things [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > >:Lynn {{{{{{{Lynn}}}}}}}}} OH Lynn, I don't know if I have any wonderful words of wisdom for you. but, please, just take it one day at a time. 3 months is a decent amount of time to be able to find a new job. Think of it in a positive manner and concentrate on the fact that he can find a BETTER job. A little over 5 yrs ago I was working for this company. Now imagine, Single mom, living alone, taking care of a 3 yr old and also going to school. I had gotten a new job the year before and the boss was wonderful. He was willing to bend over backwards to help me work around school. (he would have loved for me to bend over for him too, but that I wouldn't do. ) Then he moved on, and out of the state. He actually tried to convince me to move with him, and offered one heck of an offer in pay and benefits. But I wouldn't leave the state and chose to stay. Once he was gone the job went down hill from there. New boss hired in and I knew from the first meeting that it just wasn't going to work. She have me 30 days notice to find a new job. I did find a new job. I'm still with that job today - over 5 yrs later. And the circumstances worked out so much better than if for some reason I'd stayed htere. Try to look at the positive side. You guys can better your life with this change. Take it one day at a time. -- LFM They say I need to lose weight... How do you spot reduce 10lbs out of your right foot? > >Well this has sure been a year that I wish I could just forget. I early > >spring dh and I went through a bad spell . We have been working on things [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > > >:Lynn Lynn: I know how hard this is.. Honestly, I don't have any real advice, but we're in the same boat, both of us not working. It's two months now, but our relationship is still strong. I'll tell you this though, go and do things with your friends and make him go do things with his friends. That's the only problem we had at first, being cooped up 24hrs 7 days a week for two weeks. That *REALLY* made some growliness appear. :) Think about it though, it's not really *THAT* bad. Worst case? You sell the house, move to an apartment get food stamps and WIC and rental assistance until "the" job is found. Then you get a new house, etc. etc. It's not "ideal", but it's not absolutely horrible either. Heather H. |
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