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Stellar Mama - 26 Jul 2005 15:57 GMT

I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good time.

My brother and SIL just lost a baby (miscarriage). It was their first pregnancy and I am so sad for
them. I want to do something for them, but I have no idea what. They don't live far away, and I've
offered to come out to give moral support, but they've already told me they want to be alone for now
(which I *totally* understand!!). But I would like to do something for them. Does anyone have any
suggestions. I could go with flowers, but that just doesn't seem like enough (and quite frankly, to
me, it doesn't seem appropriate). The whole family is grieving for them. Thank you.

Dawn

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Bell Jar - 26 Jul 2005 16:27 GMT

I don't know if this is right for everyone, but someone gave me a mini gold
band baby ring, years later it's still very important to me.
I'm sorry for their loss.

>I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good time.
>
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
>
> Dawn

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Joyce - 26 Jul 2005 17:34 GMT

Hi Dawn,

So sorry to hear about the loss you and your family has faced lately. I had
a friend who had a baby girl that was born with a heart abnormality and died
2 days later. What they did was plant a baby tree in their front yard the
same day their buried their little one.

The tree grew and grew and it gave them peace to see life right in their
front yard....they always called it "Sarah's tree"

{{{{{{{{{{Dawn}}}}}}}}}}}

Take Care,

Joyce
Mommy to Charles
Wife to James<<<the man I love

>I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good time.
>
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
>
> Dawn

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Mermaid - 26 Jul 2005 18:29 GMT

> I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good time.
>
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
>
> Dawn

I'm so sorry Dawn... that is so hard on everyone. When it is a first it can
be even harder IMO. : ((((((((((((

I think you clearly have done something by letting them know you want to be
supportive. After that you may need time to figure out what is important to
her/them. Letting her talk about it as time goes on... spending time with
her to help her get her mind off of it for awhile (it can be so consuming).
Reassuring her that you are there for her.

Anni

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kiticat - 26 Jul 2005 20:03 GMT

> I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good time.
>
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
>
> Dawn

I think just sending a 'thinking of you' card for now and then
phone/visit in a few days and keeping up regular contact so that they
feel cared for. if your SIL needs a follow up medical appt maybe drop a
meal off for after so she doesnt have to think about cooking. {{{Dawn}}}
it must be hard on everyone.

Signature

Sarah
It's an odd world I live in.

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tammieallison@yahoo.ca - 26 Jul 2005 22:02 GMT

my thoughts are with you and your family.

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just me - 26 Jul 2005 22:39 GMT

Stellar Mama mentioned in passing :

> I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good
> time.
[quoted text clipped - 8 lines]
> like enough (and quite frankly, to me, it doesn't seem appropriate).
> The whole family is grieving for them. Thank you.

When I had one of my miscarriages one of my staff quietly gave me a lovely
potted plant and a condolence card, just as though I'd lost a relative who
had made it past birth, iykwim. I have treasured that card for the many
years since, and tried hard to keep the plant alive, but it finally bit the
dust last summer. That meant so much to me, as he had acknowledged that I
had someone to grieve over.

-Aula

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To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards out of men.
-Abraham Lincoln

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J - 27 Jul 2005 11:25 GMT

I think flowers and a card are a good idea. There is nothing else you can
do right now, and I know from experience that it is good to know someone is
thinking about you in this situation. Also just let them know you are there
any time they want someone to talk to.

R

|I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good time.
|
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
|
| Dawn

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Caroline - 27 Jul 2005 22:47 GMT

when my hubby and I lost our baby we had a friend cook a few meals for us
and freeze them and bring them over... the sweet thought was awesome since
we couldn't think straight to cook.. it meant the world to us...

HTH

Caroline

>I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought now might be a good time.
>
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
>
> Dawn

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Ilse Witch - 28 Jul 2005 17:11 GMT

> My brother and SIL just lost a baby (miscarriage). It was their first
> pregnancy and I am so sad for them. I want to do something for them,
> but I have no idea what.

I'm so sorry to hear that! A good first step is to send them a card,
expressing your sorrow for their loss. Let them take their time, but do
stay in touch one way or the other. The hardest thing after a m/c is when
you realize that the whole world continued to turn while you were
grieving, and that most people are no longer interested in your story
after a few weeks. Give them every opportunity to grief and talk when they
need to, even if it's been 2 months or a year since.

Signature

--I
mommy to DS (July '02)
mommy to four tiny angels (Oct '03 - Oct '04)
guardian of DH (age classified)
expecting twins (boy/girl) in August

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Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / July 2005

at a loss...