Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / September 2005

Hello

I'm mom of 2, a boy 9 and a girl 12, both good kids.

My girl is very sweet, honest, responsible...but sometimes acts without
thinking. Last Wednesday, after school, she was hanging with her
friends, homework done. One of them, a boy, was going to a shopping
center in the car of a friend of his brother, a 19-year-old guy, like I
was told later. When the guy came, the boy invited my daughter to come
with him. She said his dad would pick him at the shopping center and
would drive everybody back home by 6 pm. Well, DD acted withot thinking
and said Yes!

By 5:30 she called me and said she was in that shopping center. Said
she'd  forgotten to ask me or my husband if she could come with that
guy and apologized. She told me her friends dad would take her home,
but I decided to do this myself.

On our way home I said "Hun, you couldn't have done that, you got a
ride with someone we dont know and didn´t ask our permission. This is
dangerous, you made me crazy!". She just said she acted without
thinking and apologized. I decided to give her a small lesson and the
next day, instead of hanging out with her friends after school, she'd
spend the whole afternoon with me in my office. I'd find some small
takk for her to do. Well she typed some texts for me. She's a very
sweet girl and we ended talking. We talked a lot about her life, her
feelings, I must say it was a wonderful experience to me. Though it was
a punishment, she was happy, laughing and it was hard to work wih her
calling mom! and asking me questions all the time, lol.  By 5 pm she
said Mom, I know yesterday I messed up, I didnt think. Im sorry, I
promise I wont do that again, I know it's dangerous. Youre not hurt,
are you? What I could do was hug her and say  No hun, not hurt at all,
You drove me nuts, but thats OK, no reason to be hurt, next time you
ask us before getting a ride.

After getting back home we spent about half an hour in a shopping
center near my office. I ended up buying her a CD...

Well, this morning a lady who works with me and is about 50 (Im 37)
told me I did the wrong thing to do. She told me that DD had a
wonderful afternoon. Though she didnt hang out with her friends and
didnt go to an after schoool club, she enjoyed talking to me. According
to that lady, yesterday I was acting more like one of her friends than
her mom. "And you still bought her a CD! No problem you get her a CD,
but not on the day she got a punishment", she said. "So, you girl does
something wrong, deserves a lesson, you say you'll give her a
punishment but end up giving her a kinda pleasant afternoon! OK, she's
a good and sweet girl, but this way she'll never learn". The lady
agreed it should be a light punishment and said it was OK I treated DD
with love, but she was emphatic: "You should've given her a light
punishment, but a REAL punishment". She thinks it's not my girl case,
but many kids would take what I did as a sign of weakness and might
push the limits.

Well, I'm a bit confused, I'm not a harsh mom. I think DD learned her
lesson. I'd like opinions, please

Amanda