Family Forum / Parenting / Mothers / October 2006

And I can't let it go.  I've been trying, and trying, and trying, but I
just can't let go of it.

Every month, when YD gets hormonal and moody, she'll pick a fight with
me.  I tend to try to *not* fight, but I stand by what I say.  When
these things happened in the past, Chewy would get upset and yell at
both of us.  He's not doing that this time, but he's also not backing
me by telling her when I give her an instruction, she's to do it.

This particular episode started last night.  She was already feeling
out of sorts.  She came into the kitchen and asked if there was
anything she could do to help me.  I asked her to clean some potatoes
for me to cut up for mashing.  She did that, then asked if there was
anything else.

I asked her to sweep the floors.  Her response - "I did that this
morning."

"Well, sweetie, there are still things on the floor that have been
there for days."

"But I swept this morning!"

"Well, then, you didn't do a good job, or there wouldn't still be
things on the floor that have been there for days.  You need to make
sure you get everything."

"<YS> doesn't have to sweep the floors!"

"He does when I ask him to, but right now, he's outside helping Dad."

"I do EVERYTHING around here."

"No you don't.  <list of things the rest of us do>"

<begin temper tantrum>

<sigh>

She's now saying that I insulted her by saying that YS does more than
she does.  Then she changed it to my insulting her by saying that YS
feeds the sheep, goats, cattle, and horses, when I *know* she can't
because she has an anxiety attack when they all surround her if she
feeds them.  OI!  As if!  She knows that *I* get anxiety attacks if
they all surround *me*.  Why would I feel she's "less than" or anything
like that just because she also has anxiety attacks????  She also knows
that when she's having an anxiety attack out in the paddocks, I push
mine down long enough to go to where she is, work her through hers, and
get her back to the house.

And then, to top it all off, when she decided later on to continue
being disrespectful and to add being disobedient (she'd gone and laid
down in her bed, with the light off, and I'd asked her to please get
out of bed so that she wouldn't fall asleep before eating, making sure
I explained *why* I was asking her to get out of bed - she has a habit
of falling asleep when she lays down to think), getting really nasty in
her responses to me, I asked Chewy to deal with it because I was
getting to a point where I'd not be able to continue dealing with it
calmly.

And he refused.  Said I was out of line.

And now he's upset with me because I'm still fuming over all this....
plus the fact that he was yelling at me this morning when we were
trying to deal with a bull that had gotten out.

Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!

I don't know how to deal with this.  I don't know how to let go of it.
I'm sooooooooo tired of bending, twisting, and turning myself inside
out in order for us to get past things like this.  I'm getting to where
I don't even know who I am anymore.  I feel like I've changed *so* much
of me to try to make them happy that I'm losing myself.

But how do I get that across to them in a way they'll understand?  In a
way where they'll work with me, instead of fighting me?

All those thoughts from April - back.  Only calmer.  More scary.  Only
I'm not afraid of them this time.  It's no longer a "What if I do?" or
a "Why don't I just?"  It's just pictures in my head of doing it.

How do I deal with this in a way that gets us all past this, to a
better, healthier way of dealing with things?

Kitten