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Family Forum / Pregnancy / Pregnancy / August 2006Ex-girlfriend pregnant, pleas advise
Hi folks, just wanted you're opinions on my situation. I recently found out that my girlfriend (at the time) was 7 weeks pregnant with my child. It was a shock to both of us as we had only been going out 7 weeks before the conception, but she has decided to keep it as she feels it is her last chance (she is 39). She had been trying for years with her ex but with no success. It was definitely unplanned by both of us, she didn't lie to me about contraception or anything like that. It was always her plan to move into her own place on her own after her split with her ex (she split with him 6 weeks before we met), and she still feels the same way now she is pregnant. She moved into my place temporarily a couple of Fridays ago (she didn't want to live in the same house as her ex) and at first it was great. The suddenly, on the Sunday she started to act much colder towards me and by Tuesday she was unbearable to live with. On the Wednesday I asked her to move out so we could both move on in our lives and she agreed. She said she didn't feel enough for me anymore even though deep down she wanted to give it a go and get to know me better, and I am a very special person to her. I told her she will always be special to me and I am still crazy about her. She is now back living with her ex until she moves into her own place. She had always said (even after we split up) that it was up to me if I wanted to get involved in the raising of the child and that I would be a great father. She said if I didn't want anything to do with him/her then she would like some money off me to help raise him/her (which is fair enough). However, I don't know what to do. On one hand, I have felt lately that I would one day like to father kids (I am 32) and it would be really nice to have a child in my life to care for. On the other hand, I don't know if it will be fair on the child to have a part time father in and out of his/her life. I know my ex may meet someone else in the future willing to father the child, but I'd hate the thought of another man living with my ex and bringing up my child. I know my responsibilities to the child, I would get back with my ex in an instant. I really cannot understand the reason why my ex suddenly went cold on me and I guess I'm having trouble dealing with this. She told me there is nobody else and I believe her. So, there you go. What would others do in my situation? Regards, Steve > I guess I'm having trouble dealing with this. She told me there is > nobody [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Steve Get a paternity test before you have your name written on any paperwork Why do you feel like you'd be a part time father in and out of the child's life? I guess you need to figure out if you can make a commitment to be a father for the rest of your life. That's a decision that really only you can make. Steve, its a wee bit late to be iffy about fatherhood. Kiddo is on the way, and you are going to be paying child support for the next 18 years - that is reality. You ARE going to be a dad, and kid will want to know you, and wonder why you don't love him or her enough to be involved if you are either not involved or involved in an on and off fashion. Step up the plate, buddy, its the right thing to do - and something that will bring a lot of joy and meaning into your life if you are grown up enough to let it be. M What you need to do is separate your feelings for your ex from your feelings about/responsibilities to your child. Her coldness doesn't matter; you have responsibilities toward the baby, you have a right to a relationship with him or her, and most important of all, the baby has a right to have a father who is involved. Look to the future--which are you more likely to regret: never knowing your child or having a relationship with him or her? Leslie > I recently found out that my girlfriend (at the time) was 7 weeks > pregnant > with my child. It was a shock to both of us Since you wanted my opinion... Step up to your responsibility. This is your child you are talking about! -- Anita -- Hi Stephen I have read all the replies that people have left you and totally agree with all of them, if this child is yours then it is your responsibility to be there for that kiddi, it takes two to tango so your ex didnt bring this kid into the world on her own and the kid didnt ask to be created for this world so wheter you are living under the same room or not that kid needs to know it's father. If that child is having regular contact with you and I mean regular not just when it suits whoever then the child should grow up very happily and probably in a way get a little more attention from you than if it was if you were living in the same space as you are designating that time to your child. Listen here mate, my parents seperated and my biological dad decided he didnt want to be "in and out" of my life as you put it and this has left me feeling well hang on I didnt ask to be brought into this world so why doesnt my father love me, I still feel that today as my father still doesnt want anything to do with me 25 years down the road and it kills, I would have prefered him to be in and out and to have had even a little love from him. I would advice strongly though that you get a DNA parenting test done to confirm that child is your!!!! Good Luck > Hi folks, just wanted you're opinions on my situation. > [quoted text clipped - 68 lines] > > Steve I think that likely this woman is on an emotional roller coaster right now, probably due to a) there wasn't much time between her breakup & getting together with you - rebound; and b) pregnancy brings on all kinds of hormones. I agree with the person who said you should see about getting a paternity test. That's probably not a bad idea. However, assuming that this IS your child, I personally think that it is in your AND the child's best interests if you DO know the child, regardless of the other circumstances. I grew up not knowing either of my parents. I would have (and still would) given anything if I could have known them back then. As it was, my mother died when I was young & I didn't get to know my father until I was in my 20s. That kind of separation is not something I'd wish on anyone. Financial support is great too, but it can never make up for that lost time... Lori > Hi folks, just wanted you're opinions on my situation. > [quoted text clipped - 68 lines] > > Steve |
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