Family Forum / Pregnancy / Pregnancy / November 2007

I'm not a good person to advise on 'methods', as I don't follow them, but if
my DD ever wakes up during the night, wanting a bottle, I always give it to
her. I hate waking up thirsty, and wouldn't want her to do that. Of course,
if she's just fussing, I give her a minute or two, then usually just rub her
back, or let her lie with her face on my hand and she goes back to sleep.
We've always done that, and she's always slept well, and personally, I feel
that that's because she knows that if she needs something, then the only
people who can help her, will. I also would rather settle her before she
wakes herself up  properly, as then I've no chance of getting her down
quickly, and I feel that would encourage more of a habit than her grumbling
in her sleep that she wants a drink.

But then, every parent's different :) Good luck ;)

Lucy x

You know, a lot of baby books and 'experts' get *obsessed* with the
whole 'habit' thing.  Sure, it's nice to be able to avoid setting up
particular habits where possible, but is it really so important that
someone should keep their baby hungry in the name of avoiding a habit?

He might start sleeping through quite naturally once he grows out of
wanting the feed, and, if he doesn't, there are ways you can change
things if it does reach the stage where he clearly isn't hungry but is
just in the habit of waking up (I can give you some suggestions if you
like).  But if he's hungry, he's hungry.  I mean, if you weren't sure
whether he was hungry it would have been quite reasonable to try other
things first.  If other things aren't working, or if you're sure from
the start that it's hunger, then milk is the answer.  You decided
feeding your hungry baby was more important than worrying about what
some standardized handout said.  You were right.

All the best,

Sarah

Throw your hospital guidelines away.  Seriously.  Babies have TINY tummies
and therefore need to eat more often than you and I.  Most newborns eat
every 2-3 hours, and as they grow, their tummies grow, and they can go for
longer periods of time between feeds, because they can hold more food.  And
of course during all of this, they go through periodic growth spurts where
they really need to eat more food more often, and many of those feedings are
going to occur in the middle of the night.  Have you ever noticed that when
most people talk about having a newborn, the first thing they mention is the
lack of sleep?  They aren't sitting up all night watching their baby sleep.
They're getting up multiple times a night to feed and change their baby.
It's not habit, it's physical necessity and growth.  Babies don't generally
sleep through the night until they are older, 1 or 2 years old sometimes.
Of course you will hear the random story of someone whose baby slept through
the night at 4 weeks old and has been an amazing sleeper ever since, but
this is the exception, not the rule.  It is not uncommon AT ALL for a 6
month old baby to need a feeding in the middle of the night.  Not uncommon
at all.

Get a couple different books on babies -- Dr. Sears's, The Baby Book, T.
Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints, Penelope Leach's Your Baby & Child, and Marc
Weisbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.  Read them all.  Do what
feels right for YOUR child and YOUR family.  Do not use any one single thing
as THE WAY TO RAISE YOUR CHILD, as this one style fits all doesn't work.
Your child did not get the memo.  Your child is unique and one of a kind,
and deserves to be parented that way.  Get to know your child, and trust
your gut.  Your baby was hungry, so you fed him.  You probably spent longer
trying to soothe and distract him than you did feeding him.  If you'd just
fed him and then put him back down, you would have been able to go back to
sleep a lot sooner...   ; )

Welcome to parenthood.  This is the time where you realize just how much you
don't know, and probably never will.

    Any guidelines that say all six month olds are able to
make it from 9pm to 5:30am without a feeding are doomed to
failure with some kids.  I think it's crazy not to feed a
hungry baby at night.  What on earth does that teach the
child?  You can't learn not to be hungry.  You can try to get
him to eat more during the day so that he won't *be* hungry
at night, but if he is, in fact, hungry I think you're far
better off to feed him.

Best wishes,
Ericka

LOL.
Ignore the guidelines. Ignore any sleeping guidelines and do what you think
is best. Btter still burn the guidelines....
I did the same routines with all three of my children.
#1 slept through (9:30-8:30) every night from 9 weeks. Never didn't unless
ill, and even then she usually did. Rarely even disturbed at night.
#2 usually sleeps through now (age 4yo) but will wake perhaps twice a week.
I fed her in the night until she was about 2yo. Now she'll wake for a cuddle
or the toilet. And if she woke she needed feeding, if I left her she'd wake
again... and again... and again...
#3 slept through at 8 weeks. (8:00-8:00) (he's now nearly 6 months) He
usually sleeps through, but often disturbs for a wriggle and a chat in the
night. He's been ill a few times (older sisters share everything!) and then
he'll be more likely to wake. Sometimes I pick him up when he wakes and
change his nappy (he doesn't like being wet/dirty). Sometimes I give him a
cuddle and put him back. And sometimes I feed him. He doesn't expect a feed,
just because I do it once. Sometimes he needs a feed because he's hungry.
Sometimes he likes a feed for the comfort. Sometimes I want to give him a
feed because I'm a bit engorged.

With #3 I do all the things wrong if you go by the books. I play with him. I
put a light on, sometimes I'll feed him.... but he still sleeps better than
#2 does now.

Enjoy your baby. Do what you (and he) wants, not what a so called "expert"
has written down for the "generalised baby mark 1".
Debbie

I'm a bad one when it comes to following hospital
guidelines (except for the food allergy slow
introduction stuff, but then, the hospitals don't
give you any help with that)...  I always fed my
kids when they were hungry in the middles of the
night, up until they were well past 1yo.  I think
it's insane to not feed a 6mo when he gets up hungry
in the middle of the night!

-- Anita --

smith_bp101 wrote:

[...]

With these two pieces of information, I would say:  feed him and don't
worry about it.  The fact that most nights he sleeps through is good
evidence that he already knows how to go back to sleep by himself when
he wakes at night and isn't hungry.

Both of my babies *needed* to be fed (nursed) 2 or 3 times every night
up to about 9 months of age.  Neither one ate all that much per meal,
so they needed more meals.  Eventually they didn't need the night
feeding anymore:  then they began to want to do things other than
feed.  At that point we used a variety of methods described in Dr.
Ferber's excellent book, to gently and quickly transition the baby to
sleeping through the night.

You are doing just fine.  :-)  If a problem develops, then read the
Ferber book!  It is very good on identifying the specific problem,
which is a very important step.  Your hospital guidelines skip that
step.

Pologirl

smith_bp101@hotmail.com schrieb:

Why didn't you say you were following hospital guidelines right from the
start... Oh you could have avoided all the screaming and fussing and
crappy nights you went through in the past few months... Seriously, burn
them! They're written for some mystery child nobody ever saw. The baby
that feeds on a schedule, sleeps when put down, never fusses for more
than 5 minutes,... Seriously, the child that those guidelines are for
does not exist.
Go with your instincts, if your baby wants to be carried around all day
it's not because it'll turn into a needy brat, it's because it _needs_
you, the body contact, the security, the rocking...
Babies aren't horrible, vicious little creatures that want to suck you
dry and make you sleep deprived, they're just really small and helpless
and need you for everything and they can't tell you what they need
except by screaming. Imagine how horrible it must be and how frustrating
if you're waking up hungry and the only person who can help you tells
you to go back to sleep... I mean you're lying there, your stomach hurts
and all you're getting is some person going "shhh shhh go back to sleep.
The guidelines say I can't feed you right now."

Seriously, get back in touch with your gut feelings, your instincts. If
you wake up really hungry, do you try to go back to sleep or do you get
a snack? If you feel miserable because you're sick, do you want to be
left alone in a room or do you want someone to comfort you?

Keep calm, try to relax and don't forget to breathe. That's the only
thing you really need to remember.

cu
nicole

My 6 month old wakes twice in the night for a feed sometimes 3 times. If
he's hungry I feed him, simple as that. He is my priority and doing what's
best for him is paramount.

At the end of the day, do what you think is best. Advice is just that
''advice'' every babyb is different.

Karen

Hi guys! Thank you sooo much for all your replies! I read each one.
You made me feel better. I wish I could write everyone back, but been
soo busy, and now have to go to bed (gotta get up extra early).

I reread the guidelines and it specifically states that formula fed
babies shouldn't need to be fed at night, it states they only need to
be fed 4x a day. Humm, I don't know about that. Our kid is always
munching away. We do try and "fill him up" before bed with his
formula, but sometimes he just won't take the bottle. Those nights
he's more likely to wake up earlier.  Oh, it also said to keep night
time contacts brief and uneventful. I agree with that, and if we do
feed him at night, we feed him in his crib without picking him up.

Again, thank you very much.