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Family Forum / Pregnancy / Pregnancy / May 2008Irrational Day
Hi I'm 10w5d now. I saw my midwife at 8w1d and she supposedly faxed my forms off to the the antenatal clinic at the hospital to sort out my scan etc. I still hadn't heard, so I called today, and they'd never received my forms at all. I went through a booking in appt over the phone, and she said she'd call me straight back with an appt, although by the time she fits me in, my 12wk scan might be closer to 14 weeks. I waited all day for her to call back. I called back again just now, 7 hours later, and she told me she'd been busy, and I'd have to wait a few days. I know I sound impatient, but I just don't feel pregnant. Given as I had 4 miscarriages before I had Jessica, I'm pretty scared as it is. All I want is to at least know when I will get my scan, as I can't class myself as pregnant until I've seen it there on the screen. The midwife that was meant to call me back today knew about the miscarriages etc, and still can't see why I'm scared. I just feel helpless. I'm to early on for one of those fetal heart monitors that you can buy. It's too early to feel anything moving. It's not even like I'm excited-impatient, I'm not. I'm scared that I'm going to get attatched to a baby that doesn't feel like it's really there, and then I'm going to lose it, or find out that it was never there. I know it sounds irrational, I really do. It doesn't help that last time I had a scan at 8 weeks, but I'd been fine with waiting til 12 weeks this time, and I was trying to be patient. But then to find out that had I not called them, I'd have been lost in the system really did my head in. To find out that the 12 week mark that I'd managed to be patient about is probably now going to be delayed is really hurting me, and the whole thing's made me cry as I just want to see if I'm really going to have a baby. I'm sorry to whinge, but all the scared feelings that I've bottled up for the last 6 weeks have just come to a head. DH is complacent because I had Jessica without problems, and because he's not ever had to go through a miscarriage (they were with my ex). I know that in a few days I'll have the appointment, and I'll probably feel like a silly cow for moaning, but I'm just not in a happy place today :( Lucy x Hugs Lucy. Perhaps you can take heart that the fact that you are so emotional is a good sign that you are pregnant... : \ Hugs. I hope they get you in soon, and you get the proof you need that all is well.  SignatureJamie Clark www.ClarkDigitalArts.com > Hi > [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > > Lucy x > I just feel helpless. I'm to early on for one of those fetal heart monitors > that you can buy. It's too early to feel anything moving. It's not even like [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > really hurting me, and the whole thing's made me cry as I just want to see > if I'm really going to have a baby. I can absolutely understand why you're frustrated and feeling low, and I think that's perfectly normal. I also think that it was ridiculous for them to lose you in the paper shuffle. At the same time, you know that the presence or absence of a scan at this point changes nothing about your situation, nor guarantees anything. Whether you have a viable pregnancy or not will not be changed by a scan. If you had a clear scan today, you wouldn't necessarily be out of the woods, and if a scan raise questions today it wouldn't necessarily mean the worst either. But you know all this, and that doesn't make the feelings of frustration go away. The only thing I'd counsel is that in pregnancy, just as in parenting and life in general, you are going to be doomed to a lot of frustration and anxiety if you are very outwardly focused looking for reassurance/confirmation. We all like to have that, of course, but the world often doesn't comply with those wishes very well. If you can learn to have some inner peace, with the understanding that you aren't going to be in control of everything and trusting that you'll cope with whatever happens if you need to, you may find it easier to get by. Best wishes, Ericka [...] > I know I sound impatient, but I just don't feel pregnant. Given as I had 4 > miscarriages before I had Jessica, I'm pretty scared as it is. All I want is > to at least know when I will get my scan, as I can't class myself as > pregnant until I've seen it there on the screen. The midwife that was meant > to call me back today knew about the miscarriages etc, and still can't see > why I'm scared. Lucy, have you considered changing midwives? I say this not because the initial form didn't get through or because the midwife didn't have a chance to do one on a busy day - these things happen however good a practice is (and the first could easily not have been the fault of the midwives' practice anyway). I say it because the impression I'm getting is that this midwife isn't particularly sympathetic to the fact that this is a big stressor for you. Maybe I'm reading that completely wrong, in which case ignore me. But... if a scan form had been lost for a patient of mine and then I didn't have time to redo it on the day it came to light, I'd at least have the grace to sound apologetic. If it was someone who had particular reason to be stressed or upset, then I'd acknowledge that this was particularly hard for them, and sympathise. If your midwife can't even manage to do that, is she going to be the kind of person you want to deal with if you then have problems later in the pregnancy, or even have a lot of questions you want to ask? (BTW, what the heck is this 'few days' business? A scan form takes two minutes to write out! I know it's possible to have a day that's so horrendously busy you can't even make that amount of time, but a few days like that in a row? If it's really important to get a form done, I'll come in five minutes earlier or stay five minutes later or squeeze that five minutes in *somewhere* the next day if I can't manage it the first day.) I do hope all's well and that they buck up soon. All the best, Sarah Signaturehttp://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell *hugs* I'd just call them back tomorrow and ask for an appointment again? Do you have a ob/gyn you could go to who might be able to reassure you thru either a scan or an "internal" measuring by feel kind of thing? Maybe an independent midwife you could call? I'm not sure where you're at and how your system usually works, in germany all scans are done at the gynecologist in his practice, except if there's something that requires a specialist to have a look, then you're usually referred there. But honestly, that practice/hospital you talked about doesn't sound so hot, I mean what are they going to do if you come in in labour and they're busy, are they going to have you wait a week then ;-) (please laugh, I know they can't really do that, but you know as Sarah said, it takes just a few minutes to fill out the form and if they can't be bothered to take that time...) Really, I'd give them another call, maybe ask to speak to whoever's in charge, and see how that goes. cu nicole Hi guys Thank you for your replies... I finally got an appointment through, after some more moaning, and they're now going to do it next week, when I'll be 12w1d, so that's a good thing. However, depsite all my fears etc, I'm pretty sure I'm feeling clear movements from the baby already, but I'm only 11weeks?! They definitely the same feelings that I remember from expecting Jessica, but I didn't feel her until about 16 weeks... is it just that you feel them earlier 2nd time around? I know my dates are definitely right, as I was charting, and also got a negative HPT the month before, so I can't be any further on than 11 weeks, but as there's twins in my family, I'm now wondering if it could be that? Has anyone else felt movements so early? Lucy x > Hi guys > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > weeks, but as there's twins in my family, I'm now wondering if it could be > that? Has anyone else felt movements so early? I felt each baby earlier than the one before, so that I was feeling movement at 8 weeks during my third pregnancy. And when I googled it, I found other moms who had felt it so early also. I can't remember which week it was with #2 but it was early enough that the OB at the health department stood out in the hallway making fun of me where he thought I couldn't hear. With #3 I had a wonderful midwife who confirmed the baby was in that spot where I felt her moving. Marie |
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