Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us
Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network
Home
Discussion Groups
Parenting
ParentingMothersSingle ParentsStep ParentsAdoptionTwinsSpankingChildren's Health
Pregnancy
PregnancyBreastfeeding
Marriage
MarriageDivorce
FamilyKB.com
Contact UsLink To UsSearch & Site Map

Family Forum / Parenting / Single Parents / July 2006



Tip: Looking for answers? Try searching our database.

'B's fury as his cousin brings 2 playmates to stay'

Thread view: 
Enable EMail Alerts  Start New Thread
Thread rating: 
miri - 16 Jul 2006 15:50 GMT
I've got a small domestic difficulty at the moment,
any advise much welcome,

B, has his own house and we all seem to get along
fine, the babe goes to stay when he has time off
and if she misses him I'll call him to say and he'll
drop by from work to give her big cuddles.

He has a spare bedroom which he is decorating for
the babe. His cousin is younger than him and recently
split from his girl. He asked to use the spare room
temporarily until he found somewhere else. Anyways,
his cousin found a new girlfriend who came to hangout,
then she brought HER girlfriend in to stay the night
so literally two girls and his cousin were staying
in the littleones new bedroom.

I'm very upset, not so much because of the way this
young guy has taken like what seems an advantage
of B's hospitality, but because HIS girlfriend says
she wants a baby, B's cousin has said NO! so she's
been trying it on with B instead.

This young woman seems to be trying everything she
can, so much so that one of B's aunts came to stay
when the babe was there because she got the drift
of what was going on there.

B called round yesterday, worried, he said this woman
was pulling her blouse down and pushing herself into
him - shes not even his girlfriend! shes his cousins!
his aunt was so angry because she was in the same room
at the time and was about to throw a wobbler when my
littlun comes through the door to ask where daddy was,
(my daughter is kipping on a spare bed in her dad's
room)

I'm tempted to go on over there and rip her up, but
I'm hoping auntie can do if for me, I told B that I
thought he could do better and to think about our
daughters safty first. When and if he finds new
girlfriends I hope he'll think on it, I don't want
to end up in a situation where theres real bad vibes
and it would be nice to approve of his new mates.

Any ideas?

luv

Miri
Zorro - 16 Jul 2006 16:54 GMT
8>< (cos therewas loads of it...)

> Any ideas?

none at all.... but I *cant wait* for the next episode...  ;-)

Z    (breathless with anticipation)...
miri - 16 Jul 2006 17:36 GMT
> 8>< (cos therewas loads of it...)
>
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>
> Z    (breathless with anticipation)...

I don't know whats worse for that guy, a feeling of inadequacy
frustration, feeling used, feeling horny, but what I do know is
that I do have a great deal of sympathy for him, but I'm MORE
concerned about the welfare and safty of our little'un. What
he decided to do in his time in his own house is obviously out
of my control. . . . its non of my business.  I asked for an update
"is auntie still staying with your father" kind of thing.......I think
he has the sort of maturity to sort it, I hope so.
'Kate - 16 Jul 2006 19:03 GMT
>Any ideas?

Any chance of B growing cajones?

I suppose that you could tell the cousin what his girlfriend is doing
behind his back but then the next predator will come along and do the
same thing. I would ask B what he thinks would happen if he told his
cousin what was going on and how he manages to make it ok to put up with
the girlfriend's behavior, the behavior the cousin doesn't know about.

Work it so that B is more uncomfortable with the morality of the
situation... surely he knows that his cousin is being used by the
girlfriend. And he must realize that he is being a martyr with regard to
helping his cousin out. Part of that helping out could be teaching his
cousin how to stand up for himself. In the process of helping, B will be
learning that he has some control and power.

It may take time.

If that's not possible, then talk about your daughter and ask him how he
explains the situation of not having a bedroom to her... how does he
make that OK with her?
miri - 16 Jul 2006 20:18 GMT
> >Any ideas?
>
> Any chance of B growing cajones?

I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant

> I suppose that you could tell the cousin what his girlfriend is doing
> behind his back but then the next predator will come along and do the
> same thing. I would ask B what he thinks would happen if he told his
> cousin what was going on and how he manages to make it ok to put up with
> the girlfriend's behavior, the behavior the cousin doesn't know about.

He has been told, in fact B said he was in his cousins local where
when she worked there and overheard a conversation that she was
two timing. I think his cousin is just a nieve wuss, and it gives him
something to brag about if some young filly fawns all over him. It
gave him twice the ego if hes had TWO freekin women at once.
Sadly, for me, both B and his cousin have been out with one of
the local tarts I'm upset about. (His cousin wanted to marry her
but she said no and yeh sure it crossed my mind if the big day
spelt bigamy) I owe auntie a big favor, I'll see if I can contact her
via another aunt.

I think B's very upset, he's grown up a lot, he loves the kids more
and he's absolutely certain he doesn't want any more kids until
he meets someone special (weep for me, I kind of trust him there
because he refused another child with me, when we have a roof over
our heads, he has access when he choses to, and I worry like hell
about their care. For the time being the litt'lun is fine and dandy,
if I get one of those instincts, she's staying right here with me. I
don't
want to get this out of proportion, it was B he told me, it didn't come
from anyone else, and I will ask within the family.

> Work it so that B is more uncomfortable with the morality of the
> situation... surely he knows that his cousin is being used by the
> girlfriend. And he must realize that he is being a martyr with regard to
> helping his cousin out. Part of that helping out could be teaching his
> cousin how to stand up for himself. In the process of helping, B will be
> learning that he has some control and power.

Yes I totally agree, she's a good looker so I'm led to believe, and
its very flattering if a girl (or fella) comes on to you. Both are
sure they don't want to have her children now. She's put herself in
a position where she could be used, or is purposely putting herself
into a situation where she can become pregnant without the consent
of her man, or accidentally contract an STD instead. We can't help
falling in love, and although her activities are not my affair, they
could
be one day -

At the moment I've got to admire B for his self control, and
to give the guy a big hug.

> It may take time.
>
> If that's not possible, then talk about your daughter and ask him how he
> explains the situation of not having a bedroom to her... how does he
> make that OK with her?

That I am angry about, I'm pretty certain you know how I feel.

I'm feeling weary, must go,

Best

Miri
Moon Shyne - 17 Jul 2006 00:50 GMT
>> >Any ideas?
>>
>> Any chance of B growing cajones?
>
> I'm sorry I'm not sure what you meant

She's asking if he might grow some balls.  Right now, he's letting people
walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling
people who are not welcome to leave his home.
miri - 17 Jul 2006 11:33 GMT
> >> >Any ideas?
> >>
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> walk all over him, and is demonstrating that he is not capable of telling
> people who are not welcome to leave his home.

Yes, that rings true, but the women here seem do all the work as far
as chatting up goes, the fellas turn the girls down (or up) if they're
not into it. There's so much exposure about her 'irresponsibilities'
that these guys get used to shrugging it off, women are again left
to sort this problem out again, his ego's no worse off, a matriarch
takes control. If there was a patriarch, a mature male, grandpa, or
dad who was 'wise to the ways of youth'  I can just imagine him
sitting there, lying in wait to act as an old letch, taking his false
teeth out sucking them and saying 'Yeh I'll give you a baby, but
you'll have to scrub a few colostomy bags but we can live quite
happy on a pension right?, its now or never!'    (OAP's are great!)

He MUST assert himself in his own house, thats certain, whatever
he decided to do in whatever relationship he chose to have, I'm
angry and upset about the risk to someone very small MY 5yr OLD
if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until
I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern.

luv

Miri
Moon Shyne - 17 Jul 2006 11:46 GMT
>> >> On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" <alexandra.miranda@virgin.net>
>> >> the
[quoted text clipped - 27 lines]
> if things happen/ed to get out of hand. She's staying home until
> I know his cousin is sorted. No one can blame me for my concern.

I'm not quite sure what 'danger' you envision - because someone has decided
they want to have a baby?  Would there be the same risk to your daughter if
B had agreed to have another child with you? (Or you deciding to have
another child with ........ anyone, for that matter)

You said something in your original post  - "it would be nice to approve of
his new mates" - that's really not your place, any more than it's B's place
to approve of your new mates.

> luv
>
> Miri
miri - 17 Jul 2006 12:39 GMT
> >> >> On 16 Jul 2006 07:50:07 -0700, "miri" <alexandra.miranda@virgin.net>
> >> >> the
[quoted text clipped - 32 lines]
> B had agreed to have another child with you? (Or you deciding to have
> another child with ........ anyone, for that matter)

No danger what so ever of having a child, I'm anti-abortion but I think
she was going about it using the irrational route. She was fortunate to
stay with with B, the risk is that if she behaves the way she has she
could find herself in either a hospital (ie mental) or drugged up and
caught in a prostitution racket because she's been taken in by less
sympathetic folks.

> You said something in your original post  - "it would be nice to approve of
> his new mates" - that's really not your place, any more than it's B's place
> to approve of your new mates.

Ahh, its possible that the difference between you and I is that I make
absolutely certain that HE DOES approve of my freinds BEFORE
introducing
them to our child/ren. If he dislikes someone, I respect him for his
opinions,
- unfortunately for him (and maybe for me) beyond that, and as far as
our
adult to adult relationships go we date with whom-so-ever we choose.
Yeh, I tell him if I want to introduce the kids to someone new.

> > luv
> >
> > Miri
'Kate - 18 Jul 2006 01:33 GMT
>> >Any ideas?
>>
[quoted text clipped - 25 lines]
>our heads, he has access when he choses to, and I worry like hell
>about their care.

Of course you worry about their care. But... you can't protect them 24/7
or shelter them from the hurts of the world. They have to learn how to
comfort themselves, avoid trouble, and avoid harm all on their own. I'm
not suggesting not to protect them. I'm simply saying that no matter how
hard we try to avoid them, bad things happen. They happen even if you do
everything right. It's better to teach kids how to take care of their
own needs, physical, emotional, educational, mental... than to raise
whusses, tarts, and others who lack the ability to care for themselves
and wind up turning to drugs/drinking to soothe their hurts.

>For the time being the litt'lun is fine and dandy,
>if I get one of those instincts, she's staying right here with me. I
[quoted text clipped - 18 lines]
>could
>be one day -

I don't know how you manage. I have enough taking care of myself and my
family... but to be concerned about ex's, ex's cousins, and strange
girlfriends.

>At the moment I've got to admire B for his self control, and
>to give the guy a big hug.
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
>
>Miri

I can imagine you are weary! Ok, I know... 6 hours later than here.
Seriously, though, does worry control you sometimes?

And you know, angry is ok. It's best to address it with the person that
you're angry at and get it all out so that it doesn't become bigger than
life itself.

I think your ex needs some practice saying no. He absolutely has a ton
of self control.... maybe too much. I wonder what he gets out of being
so self-sacrificing that he'd risk his daughter's safety.
miri - 18 Jul 2006 20:26 GMT
> Of course you worry about their care. But... you can't protect them 24/7
> or shelter them from the hurts of the world. They have to learn how to
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> whusses, tarts, and others who lack the ability to care for themselves
> and wind up turning to drugs/drinking to soothe their hurts.

This is true, but how far is reasonable? I'm strict about drink and
drugs
anywhere near the children, but if they don't have some exposure to
people who drink then theres a risk that it will become a novelty to
them when they're older - (maybe taking them into the city on sunday
morning to see the amounts of naked vomit there is doorways may
be a deterrant? thinks? - better in hot weather....more flies about :(

A good party atmosphere is a must, but its what it could degenerate
into that freaks me.

> I don't know how you manage. I have enough taking care of myself and my
> family... but to be concerned about ex's, ex's cousins, and strange
> girlfriends.

I'm fond of them, but I don't get out to socialize very often. If my
friendship wasn't so reasonable - I'd be feeling like a caged rat.
Whatever, its always nice to know that someone important in my
life is doing OK. - even if they don't give a s**t about me. Geeze
I'd have been out and it would have all been forgotten if we'd never
met - I wanted a fresh start and adore the results even tho I also
have to tolerate16 years of him with it. I might not like it, but its
the
way things have to be, and he is a good man. I had a laugh at the
Simpsons, one of Marges sisters was complaining about Homer
"Gee Marge, once you've planted the seeds you throw away the
packet don't you!"

> I can imagine you are weary! Ok, I know... 6 hours later than here.
> Seriously, though, does worry control you sometimes?

nothing that a good nights rest won't put right, sometimes I give
myself time to go through some photos, old music, old favorite things
that remind me of who I am...NOT the stuff that makes me nostalgic
but stuff like addresses and phone numbers, to help remind me that
there are other people out there.

> And you know, angry is ok. It's best to address it with the person that
> you're angry at and get it all out so that it doesn't become bigger than
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> of self control.... maybe too much. I wonder what he gets out of being
> so self-sacrificing that he'd risk his daughter's safety.

I wonder somehow, does he try to make my loneliness worse? what
benefit to him to tell me about the party invites he's had, so and so's
wedding, who shagged who?
miri - 18 Jul 2006 23:16 GMT
can I drivel on a bit more?

What irritates me most is that I've entertained his friends
I've never been impolite with them, when he was here I offered
to cook and clean if he wanted throw parties, if he wanted me
out when at the weekend when the match was on. Ok I get
the picture its my abode, my residence, he moved in from his
creamy little pad but probably never felt at home, but why spend
more and more time at the home of his best mate and his wife?
Hell ! its about time I remembered that I'm not an effing charity! -
the odd knobs I've taken under my wing and fed and cared about
(male and female, one of my mottos is always be kind to people,
one of my friends put it another way "always be kind to people
when you're on your way up.....you never know who you
might meet when you find yourself going down!")

What irritates me most, is that he gossips about my
neighbours to me. He doesn't even live in the area, but he's
there telling me about what they've been up to. Pub culture!

He's the mistake........ 'so and so and his commonlaw have split
after 15 years. Everything was fine - suddenly she goes on the
internet and ends up arm in arm with a strange shifty looking guy,
parading him around, What a heartless bitch! So and so has
worked his nads off for those kids! Miri don't you agree that's
dreadful?'

What I saw....commonlaw running the house while her brother
ferries the kids to school and back, in fact its very rare I actually
saw So and so with his kids, even though he has been a provider
par-excellence. One of the wonderful things he provided was a
holiday residence.....which he invited me to stay at, without his
commonlaw or the kiddies for a weekend (nudge,nudge, wink,
wink say no more love)  <gasp in amusement> NO! NEVER!  ;)

They're both very nice people, and the kids are brilliant. I have
nothing more to say on the matter because I have no contact
with either them or the children. I just couldn't tell anyone about
his invitation, nor will I ever. He was just pissed.

I live here damn it! I wasn't ever invited to their parties, but B
was, then he tells me later! what have I ever done wrong to that
guy? Huh!

signed

miserable
'Kate - 19 Jul 2006 00:46 GMT
>can I drivel on a bit more?
>
[quoted text clipped - 43 lines]
>
>miserable

People who make you feel bad time after time are not worth keeping in
your life. I'm going to quote someone that I never thought I would
quote, Laura Bush, who said, " Every human being deserves to be treated
with dignity and respect, and every human being deserves to feel the
nurturing power of love."

Unfortunately, you have to put up with him... but you don't have to put
up with being treated disrespectfully or without consideration. When
your ex says something negative or hurtful, ask him, "What do you mean
by that?" or "Why are you telling me this?"

There's a two fold reason for asking: He may just be an insensitive lout
who is unable to take responsibility for his actions (or inactions) or
you may be perceiving what he says as hurtful because you're on your
guard.

Be open to figuring out what is really happening in the moment. When you
feel it, identify what the cause was. If they're your issues, then
great... at least you can work on that on your own. If they're his, then
you can limit your conversations with him to the weather and the kids.

Do you think this will work for you?
miri - 19 Jul 2006 01:24 GMT
> >can I drivel on a bit more?
> >
[quoted text clipped - 66 lines]
>
> Do you think this will work for you?

You have been so kind for my poor hurt feelings, you're a love.
I could blub for an hour. Ahh I just had to vent, I had to, I felt like
I was being used. Its just life nothing less.

Theres gonna to have to be certain rules laid down here, it wasn't
in my book to hurt anyone elses feelings, they should give me the
same passing thought.

The good news is my diet is going well, and I have a date at the
weekend :) someone to dress for, something different to see, another
adult to chat to face to face someone elses mind to explore and dreams
we might share. Maybe :)

luv

Miri
'Kate - 19 Jul 2006 04:03 GMT
>You have been so kind for my poor hurt feelings, you're a love.
>I could blub for an hour. Ahh I just had to vent, I had to, I felt like
>I was being used. Its just life nothing less.

Your instincts were right. You were. Good for you for seeing it!

>Theres gonna to have to be certain rules laid down here, it wasn't
>in my book to hurt anyone elses feelings, they should give me the
>same passing thought.

<smile> then my lecture may be for naught. (the other post, I mean)

>The good news is my diet is going well, and I have a date at the
>weekend :) someone to dress for, something different to see, another
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>
>Miri

BRAVO!

What fun!
'Kate - 19 Jul 2006 04:01 GMT
>> Of course you worry about their care. But... you can't protect them 24/7
>> or shelter them from the hurts of the world. They have to learn how to
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
>A good party atmosphere is a must, but its what it could degenerate
>into that freaks me.

There's no sure thing with pre-teens, teens, and the choices that they
make. They will not always make the right choice. It won't be because no
one ever told them if you tell them. Scare tactics don't work. They make
kids think they're invincible because whatever you scared them with
doesn't happen the first time... except on the rare occasion.  

I sometimes see kids who started doing drugs at age 8 or 9.

>> I don't know how you manage. I have enough taking care of myself and my
>> family... but to be concerned about ex's, ex's cousins, and strange
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
>"Gee Marge, once you've planted the seeds you throw away the
>packet don't you!"

Ok, I could be wrong but here's the standard lecture anyway. You are not
something thrown away. You deserve more than you're getting from your
friendships. It's like... you got angry and didn't know what to do with
it because you couldn't be angry and be liked (or nice) so you shut
down... every once in awhile, you take the hurt and anger out and it
reinforces what other people do to you. I don't know you and how you are
from day to day but I know hurt and pain when I read it. Somewhere in
there, the truth, reality, what is happening today is lost. You are
allowed to tell people what you really do think. That's being respectful
of others. The people you love deserve the chance to take it. They may
even improve how they treat you and learn to value you more. Who knows
where that would eventually lead.

>> I can imagine you are weary! Ok, I know... 6 hours later than here.
>> Seriously, though, does worry control you sometimes?
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>but stuff like addresses and phone numbers, to help remind me that
>there are other people out there.

Ah. So ok.... Try this on for a bit. Imagine working hard to make
everything right for everyone else to the point of having put your needs
aside.... something women often do when they dive into motherhood. Then
your support system deserts you. You're hurt but life goes on... so you
double your efforts to make things right and you succeed - somewhat.
You've still left your needs behind out of necessity... no one could do
both and what the heck, you're good at doing without the emotional
things - someone who cares, someone you can confide in totally, someone
who sees you as you are and is totally accepting. Imagine if that person
wants nothing from you but who you are. Not sex. Not to have children.
Not to clean. Not to provide income... just you. Maybe that idea makes
you so sad that you can't look at it right now... it's not possible to
even touch it without feeling pain. That would be a crisis. It's too
lonely to go through life without being known. And if  that's true, then
you're on the edge of a wonderful time of life. You get to look through
what was, figure out what still is, and become what you were meant to
become. That's the only way to survive. It's the only way to live - to
give yourself permission to be who you are - a person with needs, a
person who needs other people, someone who isn't perfect and cannot do
it all, someone who makes mistakes and you know what... doesn't mind one
bit because mistakes don't define who you are anymore than the outside
defines what's inside of a person. You have so much going for you!
You're articulate. You think deeply about issues. You care about others.
You love your child with all your heart. You work hard. You have a keen
sense of right and wrong. And all of that is wonderful.

>> And you know, angry is ok. It's best to address it with the person that
>> you're angry at and get it all out so that it doesn't become bigger than
[quoted text clipped - 7 lines]
>benefit to him to tell me about the party invites he's had, so and so's
>wedding, who shagged who?

Yeah... why is that? If you don't want to hear about the parties and the
wedding and the shagging, then tell him you don't want to hear about it.
Let him deal with it. He's a grown up. And if not, then that's his
problem, not yours.

Long lecture... sorry 'bout that.
miri - 19 Jul 2006 12:23 GMT
> >> Of course you worry about their care. But... you can't protect them 24/7
> >> or shelter them from the hurts of the world. They have to learn how to
[quoted text clipped - 108 lines]
>
> Long lecture... sorry 'bout that.

Yeh its my fault too, I'm in the mommy daddy mindset....but he is
equally to blame, there again thats right because the kids know
who their parents are & we're not fighting. Guys love the idea that
mom's still close, the nursery's clean and she will always be there
to forgive, listen and virtuously await to serve the next meal.

In actuality I think it goes more like this, your parents never had
sex,
sex was dirty. The day comes when you have a baby, he wants to
make sure that you're not exposed to anything that might put the
baby at risk of filth, he could be mistaken for wanting his mom
back, (what a depressing scenario) & women are often tucked tidily
away with their children, freaking out being told how dreadful people
are behaving, when they damned well understand if he cast his mind
back a little, both of you actually made little poopypants upon using
similar formulas.

The porn industry has a lot to offer the lonely guy, but the stuff
they're exposed to and the manner in which its presented turns
natural human experience into filth. I think if it widens the gap any
further between womanhood and fertility, moms will be 'baby
making machines' with no self-respect regards their own
sexuality.  My family were fairly broad minded, with no readers
but his attitude considering he reads that stuff (equivalent most
men) is so strange, he's the very first person to complain about it!
Talk about dual standards! Anyway, that'll maybe make another
thread.

The thing is Kate, if my best friend came round for a chat and
a cup of tea to gossip I'd turn a deaf ear to most of it, because
she wouldn't be my best friend. My best friend would be asking
me what time I could arrange a babysitter so we could both go
out and party. She might have thought about asking if she could
bring a friend along to a wedding between people we both knew,
or ask me if I'd like to send them a congratulations card and gift.
He's a F****** B******, an theres no way out. I'm not his mother
superior, or our blessed virgin or some kinda confessor. It is
impossible for me to live according to B's template of his perfect
woman. Could anyone here do it? He's a man and I'm a woman,
it works while the children are young, but heck I've got to.....
get out of the house more often.

Phew! Time I thought of something else, I'll mow the lawn and
relax in the heat, scrub out the pool and turn a sprinkler on the
kids before they dry out,

Best,

Miri
'Kate - 19 Jul 2006 16:00 GMT
>Yeh its my fault too, I'm in the mommy daddy mindset....but he is
>equally to blame, there again thats right because the kids know
>who their parents are & we're not fighting.

A very good thing.

>Guys love the idea that
>mom's still close, the nursery's clean and she will always be there
>to forgive, listen and virtuously await to serve the next meal.

I felt that way when I married too.

>In actuality I think it goes more like this, your parents never had
>sex,
[quoted text clipped - 31 lines]
>it works while the children are young, but heck I've got to.....
>get out of the house more often.

:-) yep. It's past time. And of course you can't live by his ideal
image of mother/woman  and I don't think he really wants you to
either.

>Phew! Time I thought of something else, I'll mow the lawn and
>relax in the heat, scrub out the pool and turn a sprinkler on the
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>
>Miri

We've been doing wedding stuff (daughter dearest and I) the last couple
of days. There are a lot of little chores... I'm back to work next week
though so I feel like if she needs me to do things, this is the time for
it. She'll be over in a couple of hours with my car. Hers is in the shop
so she took mine overnight. I'm ready for summer to be over... it's been
so darn hot - mid 90's.
miri - 21 Jul 2006 13:08 GMT
> >Yeh its my fault too, I'm in the mommy daddy mindset....but he is
> >equally to blame, there again thats right because the kids know
[quoted text clipped - 7 lines]
>
> I felt that way when I married too.

I was fairly happy when he suggested I give up work and stay
home. I think its important that children have mom there
for them until they begin school. In reality I think both dads
had to confront a bit of stereotyping, they enjoyed the
freedom we shared without children, and they've objected to
women working because it took the work off a man somewhere.
Women could wear either the pants or the pearls, and I think
some guys get envious of that choice women seemed to have.
I'm fairly happy with the idea that dad can stay home and do
the parenting bit, while I go out and work, but most men
think that it'll turn them into some kind of transvestite,
and I've never ever seen a fella nest and get broody, they
just don't have those hormones.

I look at billboard advertising differently these days.
Whenever I see an advert for an executive motor, I wonder
when someone will grafitti 'and its also so expensive to run
that his wife with their three kids have to use public
transport'. There are never enough toilet cubicles, there
are too many steps to hoist a pushchair up, its nearly
impossible to get a pushchair and a toddler and your
shopping on the buses. 4 out of 5 guys won't stand up to
offer a woman a seat if she's pregnant. People disapprove
of breast feeding in public places (even if you're discreet)
Men don't like your stretch marks or mommy fat so you have
to cover yourself up. The gap between the platform at the
train station and the carriage step is so wide you can trap
the wheels of a pushchair (I've complained about that one),
some restaurants won't cater for children, theres very few
places when parents and children can all meet up together
to socialize without alcohol becoming a concern. For
instance it would be nice to have family type gatherings
with a party atmosphere that children can join in with
without adults making themselves sick.

> >The thing is Kate, if my best friend came round for a chat and
> >a cup of tea to gossip I'd turn a deaf ear to most of it, because
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
> image of mother/woman  and I don't think he really wants you to
> either.

Yeh, of course, he'd prefer to have the ol' flirt back.

> >Phew! Time I thought of something else, I'll mow the lawn and
> >relax in the heat, scrub out the pool and turn a sprinkler on the
[quoted text clipped - 10 lines]
> so she took mine overnight. I'm ready for summer to be over... it's been
> so darn hot - mid 90's.

I'd delighted for you! and I hope the weather stays nice. I'm
all ears! will you post a photo on the web?

Best Wishes,

Miri
'Kate - 21 Jul 2006 17:04 GMT
>> >Yeh its my fault too, I'm in the mommy daddy mindset....but he is
>> >equally to blame, there again thats right because the kids know
[quoted text clipped - 21 lines]
>and I've never ever seen a fella nest and get broody, they
>just don't have those hormones.

It was only after industrialization that some men began to commute
distances to work in factories or manual labor jobs. The men who were in
trained professions did not have the same experience. Same as today,
events such as the depression and the "Dust Bowl" of the 30's here in
the US contributed to the migration of families into large cities where
jobs were available to men and women's paid work was scarce. Women who
worked in agriculture had a more equal partnership with the men.  

>I look at billboard advertising differently these days.
>Whenever I see an advert for an executive motor, I wonder
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
>with a party atmosphere that children can join in with
>without adults making themselves sick.

You're right. Until groups organize to change what is happening, changes
will not be made. There's a great need for family friendly places. We've
lost that "community" feeling with the one exception of houses of
worship.

>> >The thing is Kate, if my best friend came round for a chat and
>> >a cup of tea to gossip I'd turn a deaf ear to most of it, because
[quoted text clipped - 37 lines]
>
>Miri

A photo? hehe... I have website space set aside and a pre-wedding page
already done.

http://home.houston.rr.com/replikate/wedding.htm
 
Sign In
Join
My Latest Posts
My Monitored Threads
My Blog
My Photo Gallery
My Profile
My Homepage

Start New Thread
Enable EMail Alerts
Rate this Thread



©2010 Advenet LLC   Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.