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Family Forum / Parenting / Single Parents / March 2007



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Is this heaven or hell please?

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miri - 16 Feb 2007 23:50 GMT
I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
I had a legion of lovers, not that dropped my knicks in
that final dwindling dance in a last heavenly fling
of me overies, my aim was to concieve not to terminate
or contract a f.cking virus or sickness (and that date
COST 70 earthy fuckin sterling quids at an agency) In
fact all told I've had sex ooooh! 24 times? in 4 & half
years with 3 people....(women don't count now....do they?X)

I came out in a rash, and marks and blotches, no swollen
glands though, I hadnt lost weight although I have come
down with really bad flu. The worst thing of all was
worrying about the kids, my God what about those poor
kids am I contagious? what should I do to prevent any
contact that could be harmful, where to avoid, who
should know..my demise means nowt, I've lived, but to
little ones who have a horrid world out there without
mom, and less contact with dad what would they do? it
had crossed my mind that I was getting hypochondria...
you know cos mom had died so recently,I knew I'd feel
lousy about now, after Christmas, this time of year,
but I didnt expect to get so run down so fast.

I was ready the day of the results, I'd sorted out my
finances, list of to do's and to dont's.

"Its all clear, they're all clear" said the voice,

I didnt know what to say

I sobbed about 10 minutes afterwards.    I'm not waiting
for them to contact me to tell me theres been a mix up.

I'm on medications for stress, so I got out the box
and it said 'can cause side effects' blah, blah, blah,
(yes I've got those) immunity syndrome, relieved by
stopping medication'. (somebody please wipe me off the
floor) even the drs off ill & I'll be there as soon as
possible. I dislike hospitals and I don't want to make
any habit of visiting them.   Then I'm going to plan for a
holiday warm somewhere for us all with a good sunscreen
and a reminder to myself  'chastity belts'.

miri
Bev - 17 Feb 2007 02:18 GMT
Please forgive me but I laughed at first, this started out sounding
like troll business then I realised who you are. Ummmm, sorry to hear
of your scare.

> I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
> after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> fact all told I've had sex ooooh! 24 times? in 4 & half
> years with 3 people....(women don't count now....do they?X)

Yes you can get an std from a women, they do count !

> I came out in a rash, and marks and blotches, no swollen
> glands though, I hadnt lost weight although I have come
[quoted text clipped - 29 lines]
> holiday warm somewhere for us all with a good sunscreen
> and a reminder to myself 'chastity belts'.

I'd personally choose protection <smirk> Although there was this
time............  :-\

Bev
> miri
miri - 17 Feb 2007 22:35 GMT
> Please forgive me but I laughed at first, this started out sounding
> like troll business then I realised who you are. Ummmm, sorry to hear
> of your scare.

Just hypochondira it seems, rundown, making me feel like
oooh! (help me!)

>>....(women don't count now....do they?X)
>
> Yes you can get an std from a women, they do count !

I asked about it, the Dr wasnt interested in gender,
more concerned about where a disease may originate
and who else may have caught it (off them?) or me if
there was something in those tests, and if there was
would I tell them so as they get it sorted?, I asked
about the likelyhood of contracting an STD by chance,
you know like at school people used to say don't ever
sit on the public lavvies?

I don't know, its not like it was when I was courting
it was like everyone was still influenced by the 60's
free love thingummyjig, and 70's all hang on in there
baby, and then an 80's freedom to express your love
fairly openly although some women were by then were all
doing it by themselves.

> > with a good sunscreen
> > and a reminder to myself ?'chastity belts'.
>
> I'd personally choose protection <smirk> Although there was this
> time............  :-\

Scubadiving! - now that is a thought! now to make myself
as unattractive as is necessary, well, theres old age
rolling by, (saggy mommy routine, unplucked nostril hairs,
clothes by charity, and no soap or nail varnish)

Changing the subject entirely, the school committee has
arranged some extra lessons for dance and music, and I'm
really looking forwards for us doing that together :)

luv
miri
'Kate - 19 Feb 2007 20:38 GMT
>I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
>after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 41 lines]
>
>miri

What a scary thing to go through alone. ((( Miri )))

I'm glad you can relax about the STD possibility though.

And you may find this weird/fun/interesting:

http://www.thestar.co.za/index.php?fArticleId=3458374

I smacked my head and cried, "Why didn't I think of that?" when I read
it. (Not really... but it is funny to think of someone with perfect
pitch moaning "middle C, middle C!).

ya gotta read the article to understand the fun. :-)

'Kate
Bev - 20 Feb 2007 00:14 GMT
> >I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
> >after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 55 lines]
>
> ya gotta read the article to understand the fun. :-)

Best laugh I've had today 'Kate......thanks! Kinda
priceless......  :-)

Bev
> 'Kate- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
'Kate - 20 Feb 2007 03:52 GMT
>> >I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
>> >after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 60 lines]
>
>Bev

Oh those wacky Ukrainians.
miri - 20 Feb 2007 12:26 GMT
> >> >I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
> >> >after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 64 lines]
>
> - Show quoted text -

That is SOO funny <ROFL> where can we buy them?!! it
reminds me of the damp nappy diaper alert chip that
you could get a while back, great novelty that really
took the 'urk!' out of the 'icky!' but that chip, I'm
just wondering what else it could be used for, the
motion alert sounds really funny,

Thinking about protection does anyone remember those
femidoms? big baggy things? a friend of mine bought
one just to see what they were like and fell about
laughing! I still think a sort of cling-film adaption
would be best ;) its on a roll, cheap, multipurpose
and discreet - and we can pretend we're going on
picniks when we're really have sordid affairs :)

I had to say at the STD clinic that I wasnt averse
to the slap and tickle, but with one partner we'd had
condom problems, rubbers too small they roll up and ping
off, or too baggy at-the-time, I told the Doc but she
only laughed....I said that when I nervously (cos someone
might see) went to the counter to buy a pack of assorted
sizes there was no such thing.

Its something that I've been worried about telling my
kids, what to say to them? telling them to make sure they
use protection, making sure they're safe, but not wanting
to interfere with their private and emotional life. If
you scare the hell of them telling them about disease they
could avoid the relationship scene altogether. Some guy
told me once that the most scary movie he watched was
one of giving birth in a biology lesson.

luv
miri
'Kate - 20 Feb 2007 15:42 GMT
>That is SOO funny <ROFL> where can we buy them?!!

I almost wish I knew... and do they come in "Funky Town?"

> it
>reminds me of the damp nappy diaper alert chip that
>you could get a while back, great novelty that really
>took the 'urk!' out of the 'icky!' but that chip,

I thought that those things came with a smell alert already? :-)

>I'm
>just wondering what else it could be used for, the
>motion alert sounds really funny,

The guy who invented it's a genius, as far as I'm concerned. Think of
the marketing alone.... they could play college fight songs, the
anthem for one's own country, or for the wedding night, "Here comes
the bride"  ROFL

>Thinking about protection does anyone remember those
>femidoms? big baggy things? a friend of mine bought
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>and discreet - and we can pretend we're going on
>picniks when we're really have sordid affairs :)

OMG, that's too funny. Imagine the wrapper size? No hiding that from
mom and dad. Good thing most women carry handbags.

>I had to say at the STD clinic that I wasnt averse
>to the slap and tickle, but with one partner we'd had
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>might see) went to the counter to buy a pack of assorted
>sizes there was no such thing.

Would you believe that I've never bought condoms.... I've passed by
them in the rack. I can't imagine inspecting the package (pun
intended). But it seems like a good thing to be comfortable with and
to have just in case.

>Its something that I've been worried about telling my
>kids, what to say to them? telling them to make sure they
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>told me once that the most scary movie he watched was
>one of giving birth in a biology lesson.

When it comes close to that time,you'll be ready. You're already
thinking about it. Of course you're going to be nervous. That's why we
practice with another adult first. The rule is, "I would rather you
come to me for birth control than tell me you're pregnant."

Don't leave out talking about how your adult or almost adult children
feel about their partners. That's the most important part - passionate
feelings. Without feelings, it's just an "act".

You can do it as a "What if..." or "How would you feel if you had to
tell me you (or your girlfriend) were pregnant?" That always pushes
the discomfort aside. It's also a good way for kids to approach their
parents.

We don't want our children, once grown to adulthood,  to have
dissatisfying sexual lives. We don't want them to use their bodies in
the wrong way either (too many, too often, too early,  with the wrong
person, by force, or with other unsatisfying, disasterious results).
We want them to fully participate and get what they want/need. To do
that, they have to know what they need. They have to be able to talk
about it with their partners. If they're not ready to do that, they're
not ready for sex or perhaps, not sex with that person.
miri - 20 Feb 2007 20:17 GMT
> When it comes close to that time,you'll be ready. You're already
> thinking about it. Of course you're going to be nervous. That's why we
> practice with another adult first. The rule is, "I would rather you
> come to me for birth control than tell me you're pregnant."

But why that way around? I'd have said 'I'd rather you stay
with your first girlfriend or boyfriend than sleep around
and find you've an STD or expecting a baby with someone
with someone you hardly know anything about' call me old-
fashioned but I like the quaint ol' idea that some people
marry for life....but there again, I didnt did I?! (All
those anniversaries and congratulations, perhaps they
should provide like a mileage card together with a marriage
certificate that you have stamped in an office every few
years ?)

> Don't leave out talking about how your adult or almost adult children
> feel about their partners. That's the most important part - passionate
> feelings. Without feelings, it's just an "act".

I remember on a chat show someone was asked how many
partners had they had who they HADNT kissed !

> You can do it as a "What if..." or "How would you feel if you had to
> tell me you (or your girlfriend) were pregnant?" That always pushes
> the discomfort aside. It's also a good way for kids to approach their
> parents.

Ah! I see your point,

> We don't want our children, once grown to adulthood,  to have
> dissatisfying sexual lives. We don't want them to use their bodies in
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
> about it with their partners. If they're not ready to do that, they're
> not ready for sex or perhaps, not sex with that person.

I think its very important for them to be comfortable
saying 'No!' if they feel under pressure, I'd like my
children to feel comfortable enough to ask me for advice
and support where needed, but I can't ever be sure of
saying the right thing, I'm their parent and risked an
STD, I have to admit that even though I asked about the
history of my partners, even I can't sure without both
of us being screened and cleared. Someone told me that
in the US you both have to be screened before marriage,
we're a little backward here and we recently had news
that theres some financial crises looming in std clinics.

Thanks,
miri

have a screen
'Kate - 20 Feb 2007 23:40 GMT
>> When it comes close to that time,you'll be ready. You're already
>> thinking about it. Of course you're going to be nervous. That's why we
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
>certificate that you have stamped in an office every few
>years ?)

I hear you. It's a shame what's happened to marriage and commitment.

>> Don't leave out talking about how your adult or almost adult children
>> feel about their partners. That's the most important part - passionate
>> feelings. Without feelings, it's just an "act".
>>
>I remember on a chat show someone was asked how many
>partners had they had who they HADNT kissed !

That must have been an interesting show. Sorry I missed it!

>> You can do it as a "What if..." or "How would you feel if you had to
>> tell me you (or your girlfriend) were pregnant?" That always pushes
[quoted text clipped - 27 lines]
>miri
>have a screen

The whole thing's such a sticky subject. First, morals and values,
then physical needs, and it all has to be safe and consentual and
exciting and "good".  Nothing's as much of a let down as being poorly
boinked. <g>

I chose the "rather talk about it and face up to the fact that my
children are going to have sex someday and I'd rather they hear it
from me" route than the "don't do it until you're married" route as a
parent. They can talk to me about sex without feeling like they've
done something horrible. I can't condemn them for wanting to be
intimate with someone... but then, we're not talking about 10, 12 year
olds either as my youngest is 16. I can't honestly say which way is
better. I only know that this way was the right way for my family.

'K
marika - 21 Feb 2007 02:08 GMT
>> >> >I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
>> >> >after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 54 lines]
>> >> it. (Not really... but it is funny to think of someone with perfect
>> >> pitch moaning "middle C, middle C!).

in this case the rhythm method is NOT contraceptive, or is it, what a  
conundrum?

>> >> ya gotta read the article to understand the fun. :-)
>>
[quoted text clipped - 41 lines]
> luv
> miri
marika - 21 Feb 2007 02:04 GMT
>>> >I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
>>> >after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 62 lines]
>
> Oh those wacky Ukrainians.

bein ukrainian, i'll accept that as a compliment
granle@bigpond.com - 13 Mar 2007 21:06 GMT
>I have worried my soul case out for the past fortnight
> after a full screen at the STD clinic....not that
[quoted text clipped - 41 lines]
>
> miri
 
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