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Family Forum / Parenting / Single Parents / July 2004Wedding ahhaha not mine, just to clarify.
I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first time I've ever danced with the lil man. Geez they're growing up too fast. :( On another note though, I find weddings so damn depressing, everyone around me is happy for the new couple, and here I am, thinking about myself and how I'm alone. Sorry to vent but it felt awful and I had to drag myself there knowing I'd feel that way for a couple hours. Bleh. Christine On Mon, 12 Jul 2004 06:13:58 GMT, "CME" <cmedwards9@hotmail.com> >I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got >pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first time [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > >Christine Hugs to you C. Yeah, that kind of thing is hard to swallow when life hasn't exactly been a bowl of cherries. 'Kate > On Mon, 12 Jul 2004 06:13:58 GMT, "CME" <cmedwards9@hotmail.com> > >I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > >pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first time [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > Hugs to you C. Yeah, that kind of thing is hard to swallow when life > hasn't exactly been a bowl of cherries. Mind you even cherries have big, hard seeds in the middle of them. Yeah, I know, but it's thinking like that which keeps me sane. ... What?  SignaturePaul Griffiths > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first time > I've ever danced with the lil man. Geez they're growing up too fast. :( Not half fast enough for them, I bet. Grab it while you can, eh, much like everything else in life. Nice to see kids growing up though. > On another note though, I find weddings so damn depressing, everyone around > me is happy for the new couple, and here I am, thinking about myself and how > I'm alone. IME everyone is usually happy for the new couple but by no means all of them are happy themselves so I reckon you'd have been in good company. Oh and weddings are *always* better than funerals, right? > Sorry to vent but it felt awful and I had to drag myself there knowing I'd feel > that way for a couple hours. Bleh. But you still went and that's the main thing. You did good, girl, now spoil yourself somehow. You deserve it. SignaturePaul Griffiths > > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > > pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > But you still went and that's the main thing. You did good, girl, now spoil > yourself somehow. You deserve it. Yeah you're right, I did go, I sucked it up like a good lil princess and went. lol ~pats herself on the back~ Christine > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first time > I've ever danced with the lil man. Geez they're growing up too fast. :( > > On another note though, I find weddings so damn depressing, everyone around > me is happy for the new couple, and here I am, thinking about myself and how > I'm alone. Sorry to vent but it felt awful and I had to drag myself there > knowing I'd feel that way for a couple hours. Bleh. I found myself feeling similar not just at weddings, but amusement parks, and other outings where there were lots of 'intact' families > > Christine > > > > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > > pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > > Ahh Paul, you player, surely you always have a women on your arm! ;) T > > > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I > got [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > Ahh Paul, you player, surely you always have a women on your arm! ;) Just my little girl........who over night has seems to have stopped being a little girl Time to buy that big baseball bat. > T > > > > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I > > got [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > Time to buy that big baseball bat. Ohh tell me about it! And you know what all the boys are thinking! ;) But in the end, she will always be your little girl. Just always be there to listen to her, when she talks about boys and relationships! Your insight will be valuable to her, even if she acts like she doesn't want to hear it. T On Mon, 12 Jul 2004 08:21:27 -0400, "P. Fritz" <paulfritzREMOVEME@voyager.net> > > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > > pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > I found myself feeling similar not just at weddings, but amusement parks, >and other outings where there were lots of 'intact' families I was thinking... how do we know that what we assume is true? How would we know that they were "intact" families??? Or, for that matter, happy? Why is being happy for others less than possible? So... I came to some realizations. It may be that my inner desires, what I want and expect for myself is being revealed in the idealized assumptions that I make about the lives of others. I'm thinking that the process of seeing others happier and judging my own life as inadequate starts with looking at what is real and what is an assumption so that I can start to separate "others" from myself and my situation. What does it really take away from me if I am genuinely happy for others that they have achieved a goal that I have... does it make me feel that I haven't worked hard enough to attain the goal or are there circumstances that have prevented me from doing so that I haven't addressed? Just a few rambling thoughts.... 'Kate "P. Fritz" wrote in message > I found myself feeling similar not just at weddings, but amusement parks, > and other outings where there were lots of 'intact' families Freddie and I find "intact" families a great source of amusement. All the overweight ones are Dursley's and the children are Dudley's. We make faces at the children that are playing up their parents, just to create a diversion. Usually this works and the parent thinks they have got the child to be quiet themselves. Occasionally it backfires and the child scream even more! We chuckle to each other when stressed parents have lost control of their children. We find that the loudest children also have the parents that scream and shout at them. We have noticed that many parents leave the control of the younger children to their older siblings and basically ignore the lot of them or, worse still, shout at the older children for not keeping the young ones quiet. I am content and at ease with my "family", intact or otherwise. Dennis > "P. Fritz" wrote in message > > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > Dennis Hmmm well lately I have been all of those things due to stress and whatnot, and maybe I've been thinking if I had one more person it would lessen my task... but you're right, even 2 parent families have issues. Christine >"P. Fritz" wrote in message >> [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] >We chuckle to each other when stressed parents have lost control of their >children. That's really mean-spirited. lm > >"P. Fritz" wrote in message > >> [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] > > lm Yeah I kinda thought that too tbh. Poking fun at others people's problems isn't very nice. Christine > > "lm" <lmandtheboys@mailandnews.com> wrote in message > news:0b79f057oen8l4avvdp7urmb4jbrlqb0hi@4ax.com... > > On Tue, 13 Jul 2004 19:17:08 +0100, "denanson" <Dennis@Large .ie> > > wrote: > > > > > > > >"P. Fritz" wrote in message > > >> > > >> I found myself feeling similar not just at weddings, but amusement > > >parks, > > >> and other outings where there were lots of 'intact' families > > > > > >Freddie and I find "intact" families a great source of amusement. > > >All the overweight ones are Dursley's and the children are Dudley's. > > >We make faces at the children that are playing up their parents, just to > > >create a diversion. Usually this works and the parent thinks they have > got > > >the child to be quiet themselves. Occasionally it backfires and the child > > >scream even more! > > >We chuckle to each other when stressed parents have lost control of their > > >children. > > > > That's really mean-spirited. > > > > lm > > Yeah I kinda thought that too tbh. Poking fun at others people's problems > isn't very nice. > > Christine It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact families......it is obvious that kids do better in them, they learn from the interaction of adults, and adults need and do better with adult companionship........that fact that my daughter has missed out on 'that' part of learning is depressing to me. > > > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact families......it >is obvious that kids do better in them, they learn from the interaction of >adults, and adults need and do better with adult companionship........that >fact that my daughter has missed out on 'that' part of learning is >depressing to me. I wonder if the lessons we leared watching our parents (if they stayed married) were the best lessons. Maybe not knowing, and being open to finding out what makes a good marriage, is better than having an example that just looks right but in which neither partner is truely happy? 'Kate > > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact families......it > >is obvious that kids do better in them, they learn from the interaction of [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > 'Kate I wouldn't know......my parents were married 52 years when my dad died, and the first thing my mom said, when realixing he has dead was......."What am I going to do....he was my whole life" >> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact >families......it [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] >the first thing my mom said, when realixing he has dead was......."What am I >going to do....he was my whole life" Indeed. Can you imagine being someone's whole life? I feel like that would be a tremendous weight to shoulder even if one is perfectly willing to fill that role. Which brings me to another question....or series of questions (who knows?) What is a good marriage? Is there such a thing as being too dependent? How much of ones' self is individually defined? 'Kate > >> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact > >families......it [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > would be a tremendous weight to shoulder even if one is perfectly > willing to fill that role. I found that to be a positive thing between two happily married people. I suppose these days people aren't as prone to make another such a big part of their lives. > Which brings me to another question....or series of questions (who > knows?) [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > 'Kate It is all based on the self. You may not be happy being dependent on another in to many ways while another female might just LOVE it! I don't think there is a specific way to gauge happiness. I think only you or I or him or her can say what makes them happy. We are all different. T >> Indeed. Can you imagine being someone's whole life? I feel like that >> would be a tremendous weight to shoulder even if one is perfectly [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >suppose these days people aren't as prone to make another such a big part of >their lives. I've learned that it isn't healthy to do so. Living life through or for another person isn't being an authentic person. It's fake. >> Which brings me to another question....or series of questions (who >> knows?) [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >It is all based on the self. You may not be happy being dependent on another >in to many ways while another female might just LOVE it! Um hum... that's codependency and it is very comfortable but it's not healthy. >I don't think there >is a specific way to gauge happiness. I think only you or I or him or her >can say what makes them happy. We are all different. I think that there are qualities that good marriages have in common. Communication, honesty, trust, giving and receiving love, helping and being able to ask for help, being ones authentic self, knowing our own faults but being ok with them, and accepting others as they are and not idealizing them are a few that I can think of that would seem plausable. 'Kate > > >> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact > > >families......it [quoted text clipped - 42 lines] > > T My parents were each other's best friend. It was not uncommon to see them holding hands while walking along. Yes, dad was completely lost after Mom died. A good marriage is the most important part of a good life. I will be the first to admit that I have not been married before because there truly hasn't been anyone that could share that I could share the same calibre of relationship.......until now that is. Lisa > > > >> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact > > > >families......it [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > > Lisa Yeah I agree. I hope one day I meet a man that loves me no matter what, and just makes me so happy to be with him. I look at my parents marriage sometimes and shake my head, I remember as a kid wondering why the hell they even stayed together. Now I see they're best friends, lovers (ack get that image out of my head) and they also fight but they are meant for eachother. So I'm a lil more hopeful for myself as I grow older, because I'm starting to know what I want and want I definitely do not want. I'm actually glad I didn't get married 4 years ago, it just wasn't time. Christine > >> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact > >families......it [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > > Indeed. Can you imagine being someone's whole life? I can only wish that someone would feel that way about me. > I feel like that > would be a tremendous weight to shoulder even if one is perfectly > willing to fill that role. But they were BOTH filling that role. > Which brings me to another question....or series of questions (who > knows?) > > What is a good marriage? Is there such a thing as being too > dependent? How much of ones' self is individually defined? It wasn't a matter of dependence, if anything , my dad was dependent on her in his waining years......it was a matter of commitment. > 'Kate >> >I wouldn't know......my parents were married 52 years when my dad died, >and [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > >But they were BOTH filling that role. Ok.. I can understand if its mutual. I'm probably arguing semantics then and the relationship that your parents had wasn't subsuming their individuality but an addition to it. >> Which brings me to another question....or series of questions (who >> knows?) [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >It wasn't a matter of dependence, if anything , my dad was dependent on her >in his waining years......it was a matter of commitment. Well, this I can understand. 'Kate >>> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact >>families......it [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] >would be a tremendous weight to shoulder even if one is perfectly >willing to fill that role. Surely she said it as a first reaction. Panic, fear. After all, her son was right there. >Which brings me to another question....or series of questions (who >knows?) > >What is a good marriage? Is there such a thing as being too >dependent? How much of ones' self is individually defined? I think the answer to that one is "depends." :-) lm >> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact >families......it [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] >the first thing my mom said, when realixing he has dead was......."What am I >going to do....he was my whole life" That's very sweet. lm > >> > It is not a good lesson for kids either. WRT to intact > >families......it [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > > lm Isn't it :) Bless her. Lisa <snip> > I found myself feeling similar not just at weddings, but amusement parks, > and other outings where there were lots of 'intact' families Yeah no kidding. I got choked up when all my uncles took my sons across the street to teach them to ride their bikes. They've been petrified to do it, well still are but we're working on at least TRYING. Anyways, I was so upset to see all the men in the family rally together to teach them. Man it's been a rough year for me and having no man around, I don't know why it makes me so sad lately. Bleh Christine > <snip> > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > Christine Summer time is tough when you're single. People are outside more, and it's right there in front of you. I recall one spring,,,,several years ago.....driving along and everywhere I looked. couples. blech. Pigeons were on top of each other, cows were getting it, lol..............even farm animals were beginning to piss me off. Lisa > > <snip> > > [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > > Lisa LMAO Yep, it's kinda how I feel. But I just started dating this remarkable man, and it has promise, it's an odd feeling to think that so soon, but we both communicate so well with eachother that I can't NOT see it working. Who knows, maybe the sex will suck, I dunno yet. If that's the case though I'll just have to train him well. lol Christine > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first time [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Christine Hang in there Christine.... all that romance and love is over-rated anyways! :) T > I danced with one of my sons at my cousin's wedding on Sat night. I got > pretty choked up considering he's 8 and a half and well it's the first time [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Christine The right one will come along when you least expect it. I am still waiting too Christine...lol... but hopeful. HUGS, V |
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