Family Forum / Parenting / Single Parents / May 2005

(my stepmom sent this to me)

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought
that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.  After creating
heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was
"DON'T!"

"Don't what?"  Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."  God said.

"Forbidden fruit?  We have forbidden fruit?  Hey Eve..we have forbidden
fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!"  God replied, wondering why He hadn't
stopped creation after making the elephants.  A few minutes later, God saw His
children having an apple break and He was  angry!  "Didn't I tell you not to eat
the fruit?"  God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never
changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!  If you have persistently and lovingly
tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on
yourself.  If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think
it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that
there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids.  They will choose your nursing home
one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE
ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!