Family Forum / Parenting / Spanking / January 2006

I feel that you should use common sense and use that which works
for your kid.  There is no one-size fit-all solutions.

Doan

Responses to your request for input will vary. A request for a general
overview response will be argued against by claiming you are asking for
a specific.

One cannot in this forum because no one is seeing the child, knows what
the child is up to, his or her age, temperment, developmental capacity.

Yet there are some general rules that work.

One, be careful to make presumptions about why the child is doing the
behavior they are.

Two, consider that regardless of what you think they are doing it for
you relationship to the child is always as teacher.

Three, why risk punishment sideeffects regardless of the cause you
think motivates the child.

Kids playing in water is a very strong learning drive. In fact there
isn't much kids do that isn't motivated by the natural and powerful
compulsion to experience things. The best learning tool of all.

Your suggestion might work if that's how your child reponds best.

There is a way that I've used quite often. Worked for me with every
child I did it with.

I simply did not presume to tell the child that they were doing wrong
by reacting with other than information and help. Can you imagine what
I might say or do with children of different ages?

The older the child the more abstract the information. A five year old
might learn about swollen wood and lifted floor tiles that cost time
and money to replace. A tiny tot, the fun of cleaning up the mess,
which can be made just as much fun as the splashing.

What will sabotage learning and the parent child relationship is that
tendency we have to overcontrol for OUR desired outcome. Usually that
the two year old learn immediately that this is a no no. When in fact
to their knowledge that makes NO sense. It was a fun fun and no harm
done that they can comprehend.

Of course we can give them some pain to create an association with the
fun fun.

Sound right to you?

Like we have no other alternatives? One of which is perfectly harmless
diversions until they are older and can exercise more personal
restraint at our request?

And learn to make judgements on logical and natural reasons, rather
than fear of us?

Pretty much what you suggested.

Kane