 |
 | Home | Contact Us | FAQ | Search & Site Map | Link to Us |
 | Sign In | Join | Other 45 Sites in Network |
Family Forum / Parenting / Step Parents / May 2006Newest Challenges with OS
OS18 moved out on his own last June, along with the friend who'd been living with us for a year-and-a-half, doing a "real life skills" aspect to his education. (He finished the academic portion the end of May last year.) He's still going through a lot of changes on his own and is still carrying around a lot of anger. In November, he started talking to us about moving back home. I knew he'd not be satisfied being in the house, so I ordered a little cabin to go on the other side of the driveway from the house. The day after it was delivered, he changed his mind, not wanting to give up his violent video games as he would have to do if he moved back home. So we turned it into a woodworking shop for Chewy. He keeps going back and forth into a punk/goth/"whatever his current translation of that is" mode. After I'd found something he'd written that included a lot of suicidal ideation, I asked if he would go speak with our doctor, and he actually agreed. He and I were talking before the doc came in that day, and that's when the really worrisome info came out. He's been thinking that people in town (where he lives, 6 miles from the farm) are watching everything he does and reporting back to Chewy and me (primarily me). Not only has he been thinking they're watching him, but he even said that some have been following him in their cars, so they can tell me everything he does. I'm not quite sure how to deal with this. Since he's 18yo, we can't force treatment, unless something happens where he's posing a danger to himself and/or others. I wasn't sure how much of this to tell Chewy, but I finally very carefully told him what OS had said. At least our PA is aware of the situation, but that doesn't do a lot of good if OS won't cooperate with him. OS had agreed to try an antidepressant and to talk with the PA on a regular basis. He took 4 days of the AD and went in to talk with the PA on one of those four days, but hasn't been back since. Any ideas on how to deal with a "grown" child going through this? Kitten In a previous article, "Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <st_brigids_gate_farm@yahoo.com> said: >He's been thinking that people in town (where he lives, 6 miles from >the farm) are watching everything he does and reporting back to Chewy [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > >Any ideas on how to deal with a "grown" child going through this? Oh, Kitten. I am SO not a doctor, but that sounds like schizophrenia, and he's just the right age. Is that possible? Does he hear voices? The daughter of a friend is going through this, and they had to hospitalize her. I'll spare the details, because she is not your son, but it's a serious thing. And why does Chewy have to be "carefully" told about this? Would he react with anger that his son is having suicidal ideations and paranoid delusions? Vicki  Signature"Penetrating so many secrets we cease to believe in the unknowable. But there it sits, nevertheless, calmly licking its chops." - H. L. Mencken > In a previous article, "Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <st_brigids_gate_farm@yahoo.com> said: > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Oh, Kitten. I am SO not a doctor, but that sounds like schizophrenia, > and he's just the right age. Is that possible? Does he hear voices? I'm not sure about the voices, other than the suicidal ideations, he's not really mentioned a lot about that. <snipped> > And why does Chewy have to be "carefully" told about this? Would he > react with anger that his son is having suicidal ideations and > paranoid delusions? He doesn't get angry about this sort of thing. I think I could handle anger better. Instead, he goes into a depression and starts feeling like he's been a horrible father, and then he spirals down from there. The more we deal with things together, the more I understand my grandmother's philosophy of "Don't tell your Pawpaw. We don't need to worry him about this." But I don't want a marriage where I'm having to shelter my husband from the realities of life. I need a partner who can go through these things with me, not a child I have to shelter from any harsh realities. Funny thing is, I'm the one with ADHD and possibly Aspergers. How did *I* wind up being the strong one? Kitten In a previous article, "Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe" <st_brigids_gate_farm@yahoo.com> said: >> And why does Chewy have to be "carefully" told about this? Would he >> react with anger that his son is having suicidal ideations and [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] >can go through these things with me, not a child I have to shelter from >any harsh realities. Yes, I agree. So if OS is in trouble, it is in reality All About Chewy, eh? Ask him when he started to control the Universe, because I have some things I want to discuss with him if he's that powerful. As to how you get to be the strong one, isn't one sign of Asperger's a lack of emotional reciprocity? Maybe it helps you stand a little aside and makes you able to be strong without being overwhelmed by empathy. Vicki Signature"Penetrating so many secrets we cease to believe in the unknowable. But there it sits, nevertheless, calmly licking its chops." - H. L. Mencken <snipped> > Yes, I agree. So if OS is in trouble, it is in reality All About > Chewy, eh? > > Ask him when he started to control the Universe, because I have some > things I want to discuss with him if he's that powerful. Heh. The other night, when he was really not feeling well, he was going on about how he has let down OS, YD, and OD. My thoughts were running along the lines of, "Yeah? And where to YS and I fall in place in all this?" I mean, I can see where he'd get to feeling that way, but COME ON ALREADY!!! So he had four bad marriages... and girlfriends in-between. For nearly 7 years now, we've been working together to get it right, to have a stable, secure life for us and the kids. > As to how you get to be the strong one, isn't one sign of Asperger's a > lack of emotional reciprocity? Maybe it helps you stand a little > aside and makes you able to be strong without being overwhelmed by > empathy. I really dislike that term, "lack of emotional reciprocity." It may be accurate, to a degree, but it makes it sound like folks with AS don't have emotions. We've got emotions, really strong ones. It's more like there's a sane part of the brain analyzing what's going on in the emotional side of the brain... constantly. It gets annoying and distracting, but yeah, I guess you're right. It can reduce the degree of being overwhelmed. But at the same time, it increases the degree of frustration because, well, "why can't they SEE what they're doing???" KWIM? Kitten > OS18 moved out on his own last June, along with the friend who'd been > living with us for a year-and-a-half, doing a "real life skills" aspect [quoted text clipped - 36 lines] > > Kitten I don't know. I believe Schizophrenia is a real thing, but I also believe that there are other causes for irrational paranoia. Were you and your husband overly controlling? I won't go into detail here, but my family was involved with fundamentalist christian cult-like group when I was 15, and I dealt with paranoia for YEARS after getting out of it. And my parents were (or tried to be) pretty controlling, even about my faith (which they thought they had a say in). Plus, isn't he living in a pretty small town? I mean, what are we talking about population wise? Seems like I remember you all being on a farm near a really small town. He may be just struggling with finding his autonomy and individuality. Does he have an actual PLAN for suicide or are his ideations just ramblings? Heather <snipped> > I don't know. I believe Schizophrenia is a real thing, but I also believe > that there are other causes for irrational paranoia. Were you and your > husband overly controlling? I don't believe we've been overly controlling. We expect the kids to think for themselves, and we expect them to think through what happened if something they've done didn't go right. We also expect them to think about how their decisions impact the people around them. I *do*, however, expect them to clean the house the way I want it done and to put things away the way I want it done. Not that I get that, but I still expect it. > I won't go into detail here, but my family was > involved with fundamentalist christian cult-like group when I was 15, and I > dealt with paranoia for YEARS after getting out of it. And my parents were > (or tried to be) pretty controlling, even about my faith (which they thought > they had a say in). OS got very angry when Chewy and I joined the Mennonite church. We never insisted he attend with us, but we *do* require that as long as the kids are living at home, they attend church *somewhere*. > Plus, isn't he living in a pretty small town? I mean, what are we talking > about population wise? Seems like I remember you all being on a farm near a > really small town. He may be just struggling with finding his autonomy and > individuality. The population of the town where he lives (or was living until this past week) is about 1200, which is rather large, to me. He works in the next town west, the county seat. The population there is about 6,000, IIRC. He is in the process of moving there, to rent a room in a house where a bunch of other teens are renting, all of them on the goth/emo-punk side. > Does he have an actual PLAN for suicide or are his ideations > just ramblings? He's got more than one plan, but nothing that he's seriously contemplating, that I know of. He gets in moods where he *really* wants to follow through, then he goes through times where everything's fine. He's been that way as long as I've known him, but I didn't realize that he had ideations other than the occasional "everybody would be better off without me" type. He's even told me before that I should have had him arrested when he did things I could have had that done over. He felt that the family would have been better off without him. <sigh> He's a good kid, with a good heart. But when he gets in those moods... Kitten > OS got very angry when Chewy and I joined the Mennonite church. We > never insisted he attend with us, but we *do* require that as long as > the kids are living at home, they attend church *somewhere*. Even if he decides that he isn't Christian? M > > OS got very angry when Chewy and I joined the Mennonite church. We > > never insisted he attend with us, but we *do* require that as long as > > the kids are living at home, they attend church *somewhere*. > > Even if he decides that he isn't Christian? Whether or not he wanted to *join* a church while he lived at home was up to him. Which church he attended was up to him, as well. We go to church 45 miles away. There are LOTS of churchs of the type he likes, when he wants to go, that are within 20 miles. A lot of times, he'd go to those with the friends he had at the time. IOf course, if he'd closed at McD's the night before, we didn't wake him up for church. So he had them schedule him to close quite often. Kitten >>Even if he decides that he isn't Christian? > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Kitten OK, but that doesn't answer my question. > >>Even if he decides that he isn't Christian? > > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > OK, but that doesn't answer my question. At this point in time, he doesn't want to be a Christian. That's fine, we still love him, and he knows that. We've always had friends who have beliefs different than ours, and we've encouraged the kids to learn about other faiths. Of course, I don't think I posted anywhere that our kids are required to attend a *Christian* church. Our church even encourages the youth to visit other faiths to find out what they are about. When he's exploring things that include satanism and/or black magic, Chewy and I keep our mouths shut and encourage the younger two to *NOT* give him a hard time about it. I'm going to have a more difficult time next week getting the 25yo to leave him alone about his life choices. Kitten > Whether or not he wanted to *join* a church while he lived at home was > up to him. Why do you require someone to go to church? Which church he attended was up to him, as well. We go to > church 45 miles away. There are LOTS of churchs of the type he likes, > when he wants to go, that are within 20 miles. A lot of times, he'd go > to those with the friends he had at the time. > > IOf course, if he'd closed at McD's the night before, we didn't wake > him up for church. So he had them schedule him to close quite often. Well he doesn't really have the desire to go then, does he? You can't force something like that on people. Really, I think that is screwing with a person's free will. Religion is chosen from free will. It's not school or work. Heather > > Whether or not he wanted to *join* a church while he lived at home was > > up to him. > > Why do you require someone to go to church? Because in our home, we go to church. It's one of those "When you're grown, gone, out on your own, and paying your own bills, you can do what you want" things for us. Some families don't do church. We do. <snipped> > Well he doesn't really have the desire to go then, does he? You can't force > something like that on people. Really, I think that is screwing with a > person's free will. Religion is chosen from free will. It's not school or > work. Actually, he *did* want to go, when he was in the mood for it. Sometimes he'd even get up and go when he'd closed the night before. His faith, or lack thereof, is something he will decide. But while he was living in our home, he attended church, for the most part. He even occasionally goes to church now. And yes, for us, attending church *is* part of school. We homeschool, and *everything* we do is part of school. Kitten > And yes, for us, attending church *is* part of school. We homeschool, > and *everything* we do is part of school. So you're saying that church is more like a learning experience of different faiths, a school lesson attached to homeschool, correct? And I read that you don't care what faith it is. That's a good way to put it, but it doesn't hold up the fact that you would require an adult (who is done with school) to attend church. So I still find it really hard to believe that it is a school thing. Heather > And yes, for us, attending church *is* part of school. We homeschool, > and *everything* we do is part of school. > > Kitten Hasn't he graduated though? M > > And yes, for us, attending church *is* part of school. We homeschool, > > and *everything* we do is part of school. > > > > Kitten > > Hasn't he graduated though? He even moved out of the house the week after he finished his academic requirements. I signed the lease with him, since he was only 17 at the time. He's living in town now (and NO, it's not "isolation-ville") and goes to church if he wants, or doesn't. His choice. I've been totally baffled by this entire discussion of us requiring him to attend church when he was still living here. The reason he didn't move back in this past winter wasn't the church attendance requirement we have. It was that he would have to put away all his swords, knives, and violent games if he was living on our property. He chose to pay a higher rent and keep all his violent things. His choice. Kitten > He even moved out of the house the week after he finished his academic > requirements. I signed the lease with him, since he was only 17 at the [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > and violent games if he was living on our property. He chose to pay a > higher rent and keep all his violent things. His choice. Hmm. I must have got the church thing confused with the violent stuff. Heather > > He even moved out of the house the week after he finished his academic > > requirements. I signed the lease with him, since he was only 17 at the [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Hmm. I must have got the church thing confused with the violent stuff. Church came into the discussion when you asked if we've been too controling. Your experiences with that aren't necessarily ours. Kitten >> > He even moved out of the house the week after he finished his academic >> > requirements. I signed the lease with him, since he was only 17 at the [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > Church came into the discussion when you asked if we've been too > controling. Your experiences with that aren't necessarily ours. Of course they aren't. I got the church/weapons + games mixed up. I don't think that's a crime. Heather <snipped> > > Church came into the discussion when you asked if we've been too > > controling. Your experiences with that aren't necessarily ours. > > Of course they aren't. I got the church/weapons + games mixed up. I don't > think that's a crime. This has all got me a little testy. And then when our requiring our *under-18yo* children to go to church with the family gets correlated with the occult, and then I get told that's too controling, and then our choice in areas in which to live gets snidely commented upon ("isolation-ville"????), it kinda pushes me over that edge. We've come a long way in the past [not quite] 7 years. OS isn't pulling knives on YS anymore. He's not trying to choke YD because she disagrees with him. YS and YD aren't locking him out of the house because he's picking up a splitting maul. He's no longer trying to choke me because I've asked him to calm down. But he's still got some very serious issues, and I'm not certain what I can do to help him, since he's 18yo and living on his own. As far as I know, there's *nothing* I can do, until he *wants* help. Kitten > <snipped> >> > Church came into the discussion when you asked if we've been too [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > our choice in areas in which to live gets snidely commented upon > ("isolation-ville"????), it kinda pushes me over that edge. Calm down Kitten. I didn't say your church was like the one my parents went to (and it wasn't occult, it was "cult-like" and it was fundamental christian). I *asked* if you were too controlling. I didn't say anything about your *under-18* year old children, I said that I felt it wasn't right to require someone to go, even if they are teenagers. And I didn't correlate that to the occult, I correlated that to pushing spirituality on someone which I think is wrong. The point is it is *your* life so who cares what I think? I'm sorry if it got you riled up, ok? Heather > We've come a long way in the past [not quite] 7 years. OS isn't > pulling knives on YS anymore. He's not trying to choke YD because she [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Kitten <snipped> > Calm down Kitten. I didn't say your church was like the one my parents went > to (and it wasn't occult, it was "cult-like" and it was fundamental [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > someone which I think is wrong. The point is it is *your* life so who cares > what I think? I'm sorry if it got you riled up, ok? I'm not riled, just irritated. If I get riled, I'll go play with trolls. Haven't done that in ages. We've currently got a lot going on, with the farm, and OD's wedding next week, and YD and YS have science assignments they have to get turned in before we leave for Wisconsin, and ... Then when I come to the one place I can discuss step-parenting issues, someone asks if it's possible that OS's paranoid delusions could be caused by us being too controling? It was just a bit too much tonight. Kitten Kitten wrote: >> I won't go into detail here, but my family was >> involved with fundamentalist christian cult-like group when I was 15, and [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > never insisted he attend with us, but we *do* require that as long as > the kids are living at home, they attend church *somewhere*. This is what I mean by controlling. The former was just normal stuff. I don't see the point in requiring teenagers or 18+ to go to religious services in order to fill some sort of need you have that they go. I think requirements to have a job, be courteous, go to school, etc. are completely understandable and different. >> Plus, isn't he living in a pretty small town? I mean, what are we >> talking [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > house where a bunch of other teens are renting, all of them on the > goth/emo-punk side. I wonder if he feels like you all don't accept him for who he is. Maybe he doesn't relate to your style of living and feels outcast because of it. Do you tell him it's ok to be who he is, even if he wants to dress up like he does? >> Does he have an actual PLAN for suicide or are his ideations >> just ramblings? [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > done over. He felt that the family would have been better off without > him. <sigh> Yea, I wonder if he needs encouragement to be who he wants to be even thought it conflicts with your and Chewy's lifestyle. And I'm not saying that you have been unaccepting of him, but maybe he just needs to hear it. Sounds like he's got some self-hatred going on there, his mom leaving him, his Dad living a chaotic life while he was growing up. Then, even though his Dad has straightened up, he still doesn't feel like he "fits in", know what I mean? So it's easy to see why he feels the way he does. > He's a good kid, with a good heart. But when he gets in those moods... Well, he's got a right to be angry! He just needs to find out for himself that staying angry doesn't get him anywhere. I think those are lessons one learns best on their own. Although sometimes talking helps. <snipped> > This is what I mean by controlling. The former was just normal stuff. I > don't see the point in requiring teenagers or 18+ to go to religious > services in order to fill some sort of need you have that they go. I think > requirements to have a job, be courteous, go to school, etc. are completely > understandable and different. For us, church is an integral part of school, life, and community. There are plenty of other areas to rebel, and plenty of time for teens to avoid church once they move out on their own. While they live here, they go to church.... somewhere. <snipped> > I wonder if he feels like you all don't accept him for who he is. Maybe he > doesn't relate to your style of living and feels outcast because of it. Do > you tell him it's ok to be who he is, even if he wants to dress up like he > does? Oh, he knows how I feel about that particular lifestyle. As long as he stays drug-free and watches out for smoke, since he's asthmatic. I think one of his biggest problems is that he knows that we know what a lot of teenagers do, so there's nothing he can get into that will surprise us if we find out. He even played around with saying he was into black magic for a while, telling his friends, "Don't tell the 'rents!" Bah. Not a biggie. As soon as the guy he was hanging around with went to jail for breaking into and vandalizing the local school, he decided he needed a different type of friends. Of course, that didn't last long. My only problem was that I had to tell him that the guy wasn't welcome around YD because he'd made enough really crude passes at her (in front of OS) to make her afraid to be around him. IIRC, what I told him was along the lines of, "I'm still *learning* to be a good Mennonite. If he comes near my daughter again, I'll remove his gonads through his throat." The next week, the guy was in jail. <snipped> > Yea, I wonder if he needs encouragement to be who he wants to be even > thought it conflicts with your and Chewy's lifestyle. And I'm not saying [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > his Dad has straightened up, he still doesn't feel like he "fits in", know > what I mean? So it's easy to see why he feels the way he does. Well, you're right about him trying to find where he fits in. He wanted to go into the Marines after YD's bf signed up, but he's got asthma. He wanted to join a local gang. Not sure why that didn't work out. He keeps trying to find kids on the edge of the emo-punk crowd who aren't into *too* much but are wilder than he thinks we'll approve of. *But* he doesn't drink (did a couple of times and didn't like it), doesn't smoke (has asthma), doesn't do drugs (not even tylenol). He's a *good* kid, trying to be wild, and trying to run away from all the anger and pain instead of facing it and dealing with it. > > He's a good kid, with a good heart. But when he gets in those moods... > > Well, he's got a right to be angry! He just needs to find out for himself > that staying angry doesn't get him anywhere. I think those are lessons one > learns best on their own. Although sometimes talking helps. I told him the other day that he needs to develop a network of reliable folks he can talk to if he needs to talk. He said he could always call me. I reminded him that he *doesn't* call me when he needs to talk to someone. "Oh, yeah." As long as he doesn't wind up dead, in jail, or on someone's hit list, I think I can deal with it. Chewy, on the other hand, is going nuts worrying because he keeps seeing OS going down the same pathways he used to tread. OS has said before that he wants to make the same mistakes Chewy made. He doesn't want to make his own mistakes, he wants to repeat Chewy's. Kitten > For us, church is an integral part of school, life, and community. > There are plenty of other areas to rebel, and plenty of time for teens > to avoid church once they move out on their own. While they live here, > they go to church.... somewhere. Church is an institution of religion, most usually assocated with Christianity. It's not the same as school. Free will is an inherent part of any kind of spiritual endeavor. If the government told me that school and church are on the same level and I have to go, well, we all know how that would go down. It is an integral part of school, life, and community by your choice for your life. I would never impose my spiritual choices on an adult living in my house. It would be for my benefit, for my own beliefs if I required that of somebody else, and if I did require it, then it would take all the free will out of it and he/she wouldn't get anything out of it anyway. It would just be something they had to do to please me. Which is kind of a slap in the face of religion and sort of takes it away from church and makes it all about me. > <snipped> >> I wonder if he feels like you all don't accept him for who he is. Maybe [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > he comes near my daughter again, I'll remove his gonads through his > throat." The next week, the guy was in jail. All of that is reasonable stuff. > I told him the other day that he needs to develop a network of reliable > folks he can talk to if he needs to talk. He said he could always call [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > before that he wants to make the same mistakes Chewy made. He doesn't > want to make his own mistakes, he wants to repeat Chewy's. Well there's not much you can do about that, I mean he's 18. Has he ever thought of getting out of isolation-ville and into a bigger city? And he is making his own mistakes. If he chooses to repeat Chewy's mistakes, that that is his mistake at the end of the day. Heather In a previous article, "heather m." <heathermcewen@sbcglobal.net> said: >I would never impose my spiritual choices on >an adult living in my house. No. But how about saying "No one lives here who doesn't have a church?" I don't see it so much as Kitten and Chewy imposing their beliefs on a free and independent adult as defining who will share their home. If you open your home to an adult, then you can say "We only allow Rastafarians here" or whatever restrictions you want to put on it. It's your house. You get to say who lives there. People who don't want to do it your way don't have to move in. Vicki Signature"Penetrating so many secrets we cease to believe in the unknowable. But there it sits, nevertheless, calmly licking its chops." - H. L. Mencken > No. But how about saying "No one lives here who doesn't have a > church?" I don't see it so much as Kitten and Chewy imposing their [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Vicki Ok I can see that. But I don't see where it serves a purpose. They know their kid and what he is like. And I believe she said (correct me if I'm wrong) that she wanted to help him but he wouldn't move back in because of the church requirement. So, if they know he is troubled, and they want to help him, why let something so trivial stand in the way? I guess I just don't understand it, but to each his own. Heather <snipped> > Ok I can see that. But I don't see where it serves a purpose. They know > their kid and what he is like. And I believe she said (correct me if I'm > wrong) that she wanted to help him but he wouldn't move back in because of > the church requirement. So, if they know he is troubled, and they want to > help him, why let something so trivial stand in the way? I guess I just > don't understand it, but to each his own. No, as I posted elsewhere, his choice not to move back in was because he would have had to pack away all his violent things - swords, knives, and video games. He chose higher bills. Kitten > No. But how about saying "No one lives here who doesn't have a > church?" I don't see it so much as Kitten and Chewy imposing their [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Vicki Correct me if I'm wrong about this, but isn't the goal to get OS to move back in? Putting my personal feelings about organized religion aside, how practical is it to demand that an 18 year old attend services? To me that sounds like trying to teach a pig to sing. Is it really worth him not moving in over that? In a previous article, Melissa <Melissanwsgrps@optonline.com> said: >Correct me if I'm wrong about this, but isn't the goal to get OS to move >back in? Putting my personal feelings about organized religion aside, >how practical is it to demand that an 18 year old attend services? To >me that sounds like trying to teach a pig to sing. Is it really worth >him not moving in over that? I'm sure that Kitten will answer this, but no, I don't believe that the goal is to have OS move back in. And the reason that he isn't moving in is that he doesn't want to abandon his violent video games. I get such a kick out of how conversations mushroom in such different directions in this newsgroup. Vicki Signature"Penetrating so many secrets we cease to believe in the unknowable. But there it sits, nevertheless, calmly licking its chops." - H. L. Mencken > I'm sure that Kitten will answer this, but no, I don't believe that > the goal is to have OS move back in. And the reason that he isn't > moving in is that he doesn't want to abandon his violent video games. Right on both counts. That's why when he was talking about moving back home, I ordered a cabin to go in the front yard, rather than have him move back inside the house. But even if he'd moved into the cabin, the violent games would have to be put away while he lived here. They affect his behavior too badly, and I'm not putting the rest of the family at risk. Kitten Hi Kitten does your OS have any hobbies you know fishing etc? I find this soothing to the soul keeps a person busy and helps they're mind escape things that bother them and may throw them into a fit so to speak. Dont get me wrong I think a person regardless of age needs to think about whats going on in they're lives however escaping those things even for a few minutes doing something he/she enjoy's is healthy. Also what does he want to do with his life as far as a career? My son wants to be a motor cycle mechanic but his grades are so bad he'll have to fund his own schooling. My wife and I are open with both kids about everything we have done in our lives both right and wrong I think this is important because it gives them an opportunity to ask us questions like why did we do this or why didnt we do that. Also church is healthy regardless of your denomonation. We dont require our kids to go it's they're choice but most of the time they do go. I've alway's told my wife and both kids it's not so important that you go as to what you beleive. My son said he wasnt sure if he beleived in god anymore then I brought up the fact that when he got burned (2nd/3rd degree on face/chest) he could have died but sumbody upstairs was watching out for him. He decided I was correct. As far as the Goth/Punk thing It's just a faze I think. We all went thru them with me it was bell bottoms. We live in a small town abt 5000 in central WI and when I see kids with they're pants hanging off they're ass's I think it looks idiotic however I'm sure I didnt look to bright wearing bell bottoms either. Good luck hope all turns out well. Revo Thanks, Revo. I've not got a lot of time to write this morning, with needing to get ready to head out in 8 hours. Tomorrow evening, we'll be up your way. OD's wedding is in Madison. Kitten > Hi Kitten does your OS have any hobbies you know fishing etc? I find this > soothing to the soul keeps a person busy and helps they're mind escape [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > however I'm sure I didnt look to bright wearing bell bottoms either. Good > luck hope all turns out well. Revo > Thanks, Revo. I've not got a lot of time to write this morning, with > needing to get ready to head out in 8 hours. Tomorrow evening, we'll > be up your way. OD's wedding is in Madison. OK, got breakfast done and the next-to-the-last load of laundry going. I've got a minute or so before I have to do the floors again. Thankfully, we got the last four bottle babies moved to the barn last night. > > Hi Kitten does your OS have any hobbies you know fishing etc? I'd not worry if he had THAT sort of hobbies. No, his hobbies are to play violent games - on his game box, online, or in person. Oh, and to collect knives and swords. To the point where he apparently only has two pairs of pants and no groceries. Oh, yeah, and he wants to start his own gang, only he doesn't know that we know that. > > I find this > > soothing to the soul keeps a person busy and helps they're mind escape > > things that bother them and may throw them into a fit so to speak. Dont > > get me wrong I think a person regardless of age needs to think about whats > > going on in they're lives however escaping those things even for a few > > minutes doing something he/she enjoy's is healthy. Healthy would be good. > > Also what does he want to do with his life as far as a career? Be a gamer. Other than that, he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He has no goals, other than to have a girlfriend. The McD's where he works keeps wanting to give him managerial training. He sometimes wants that, only when he gets to a point where they think he's ready to start, he goes and screws it all up by skipping work or becoming irresponsible just long enough for them to decide he's not ready yet. <snipped> > > As far as the Goth/Punk thing > > It's just a faze I think. We all went thru them with me it was bell > > bottoms. We live in a small town abt 5000 in central WI and when I see > > kids with they're pants hanging off they're ass's I think it looks idiotic > > however I'm sure I didnt look to bright wearing bell bottoms either. For *some*, it's just a faze. I'm hoping that for him it's a faze it gets through alive. > > Good luck hope all turns out well. Thanks. If the kid gives himself a chance, he'll turn out great. But he's got to quit undermining himself. Kitten |
Reply to this Message |
 Sign In
 Join
 My Latest Posts My Monitored Threads My Blog My Photo Gallery My Profile My Homepage Start New Thread Enable EMail Alerts Rate this Thread
|
©2010 Advenet LLC Privacy Policy - Terms of Use
This website includes both content owned or controlled by Advenet as well as content owned or controlled by third parties.