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Family Forum / Parenting / Step Parents / October 2006



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janelaw - 11 Oct 2006 04:15 GMT
I couldn't reply, because it has been over 30 days.  I got a big kick
out of this:

>  > [Me] Did you know she relapsed and  died?

> [Amy] No. Thankyou for letting us know, though.

> [Anne] Geez Amy. You do understand that this is the girl's MOTHER posting, right?
>Or is that how you always offer condolences when somebody loses their child?
>Jesus Christ.

> [Amy]  Jane, I am sorry if my previous reply to you appeared unsympathetic. I am
> very sorry you have lost your beautiful, talented daughter, Lee. I know it
> must be very difficult for you and I do wish you the best.
> I assumed posting here the other day was not easy for you and that is what I
> tried to convey in my previous reply. Obviously I am a total clod at
> expressing myself on the internet.

> [Anne] Amy, I'm sorry I flipped out on you. I'm in a hyper-vigilant "must
> protect Jane" state or something, it makes me act whack. I thought you
> meant "Thank you for letting us know" like "whatever, doesn't affect my
> life" and I think I went a little nuts there.  <breathing, breathing>

My first response was "Holy Toledo! I can't post *anything* on ASSP
without starting a war.  Then I realized that that's just ASSP.

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.  Amy, I can attest to
Anne's mental state.  When she says things like "somebody loses their"
she is always extremely upset.  I think we all know something of the
impotence a person feels when confronted with another's immense grief.
Nothing sounds quite right; too little seems dismissive, but too much
sounds self-important or presumtuous.  One person sent me the poem
"...This is to have succeeded," and it just fit Lee so well. Lucky.

Anyway, I came to google groups today looking for something - I forget
what now, - and I was surprised to see this thread up from 3 months
ago.  I don't really understand google groups, because I used to post
through some other program.  When I saw my post and all your replies, I
realized that there was something else I would like to say here.

Either Lee grew up here, or I did, or both.  Participating in ASSP made
me a much better mother, step-mother, and wife.  Friendships that began
here helped to sustain me through Lee's illness and death.  At times I
felt guilty about spending so much time on the internet, but that was
short-sighted.  This group used to be, and I hope still is, a great
forum for figuring out not only our problems but ourselves.  Thank you
all.

jane
Jess - 11 Oct 2006 09:01 GMT
>Thank you all.

It's warm and fuzzy, but tough.

We love you too. Glad to see you.

Jess
Sharon  and Charles Travis - 11 Oct 2006 15:27 GMT
>>Thank you all.
>
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>
>Jess

It’s the weirdest thing when you follow a newsgroup as a lurker.  You
get to know people and look forward to reading what they have to say.
I’ve always felt a bond with certain ones.  It must be the sharp wit,
humor and delicious sarcasm.  To watch this awful tragedy unfold has
touched me deeper than i would have ever dreamed possible.

I have to admit that i have also done a lot of growing up since I
started reading here.  It is very helpful to be able to tap into the
collective wisdom.  People who make you look inside for the answers
instead of blaming the bad guys.  People who taught me that positive
energy can work miracles.  People who show that both sides of the coin
can be “right.”

Now that this news came out to those of us outside of the family, it
all makes so much more sense why this newsgroup shattered the way it
has.

To you, Jane, thank you for your grace and dignity and strength and
humor in the face of devastating loss.  I feel a little stronger and
able to face hard times ahead.

sharon in az
Jess - 12 Oct 2006 02:50 GMT
> sharon in az

*cheery waves*

Jess
rebecca - 11 Oct 2006 17:28 GMT
> Either Lee grew up here, or I did, or both.  Participating in ASSP made
> me a much better mother, step-mother, and wife.  Friendships that began
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
>
> jane

Oh Jane.  Still miss you.

rebecca
WhansaMi - 20 Oct 2006 04:17 GMT
>I couldn't reply, because it has been over 30 days.  I got a big kick
> out of this:
[quoted text clipped - 50 lines]
>
> jane

Jane, I'd heard that Lee was sick, but hadn't heard the latest.  I'm very
sorry.  I can't imagine what this might be like for you.

Sheila
rkbose@pacific.net.sg - 20 Oct 2006 20:56 GMT
> "janelaw" <janelaw@gmail.com> wrote in message

> > Anyway, I came to google groups today looking for something - I forget
> > what now, - and I was surprised to see this thread up from 3 months
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
>
> Sheila

I've been mostly a lurker on this newsgroup, because I'm not a
step-parent. I came here originally because I felt that people here had
a clear-eyed constructive view of parenting older children.

Jane, I identified with you for reasons I won't go into. But let me say
that I rejoiced in Lee's successes, and was terrified when she fell
ill. I hadn't heard before this that she was gone.
There's very little one can say, in this situation. But I'm thinking of
you, even though I don't know you.
Lori - 27 Oct 2006 23:22 GMT
> Jane, I'd heard that Lee was sick, but hadn't heard the latest.  I'm very
> sorry.  I can't imagine what this might be like for you.
>
> Sheila

Nor had I - I've been seriously ill myself for some time.  I'm so very sorry
to hear about Lee, and so sorry for Jane's loss.
Lori
 
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