Family Forum / Parenting / Step Parents / May 2007

Well, actually, he only said that because he was worried about me - I told
him (mostly in a combination of shock and jest) I thought it was probably
time for me to head for the hills, and he said that he thought it was
probably the best thing for me.  When I said that I had no intention of
doing it, he said, "Good.  I'm glad to hear it."  Then we went back to
talking about growing old together.

I never expected them to be quite that bad, despite the rumour.  It was a
shock, and that was pretty obvious to him.  So he was worried about whether
or not I'd be able to handle it.

He thinks that I'm quiet - which I haven't quite figured out yet (and those
that know me can probably back that up) - and is worried about my chances,
going up again his daughters.  Kitten's right...I am quite capable of taking
it.  Would I rather be their friend?  Absolutely - I'm just not going to
hold my breath waiting for that day to come.  My father's been gone 22 years
and I despise the man my mother is seeing (granted, I'm lovely and he's a
sleaze ball, so there's a difference there).  My way of dealing with it is
to stay away from my mom's house when he's there.  With any luck, they're
not in any danger of making it permanent.  We are.  Which is what makes this
stickier.

If there was one of them that was a little nicer, I'd give myself better
odds against the other ones.  But it would appear they're all equally
horrible.

He intends to back me up as best he can - he's committed to that.  But
looking at it realistically, again, what can you actually do against grown
women?  Yes, they will be expected to be respectful in his/our home - at the
very least, tolerant.  But they're totally at liberty to say what they like
outside of that, try to turn friends, family, neighbors against me, etc.  I
certainly don't expect that he should cut them out of his life if they won't
conform, or anything.

I really just wondered if there was anything at all you can say to them that
might make this go a little smoother...or how one should act on meeting
them, at all.  My normal way of dealing with this kind of thing would be to
sit them down and tell them that I completely appreciate their right to hate
me, and I even know exactly how they feel.  I won't try to be their mom or
their buddy, or push any kind of a relationship on them, and I'd really
rather they didn't treat me like sh*t to my face.  I can see absolutely no
reason to remove their mother's presence from the house - BF loved the
woman, after all, and that was a life that's not really my business to
interfere with.  And I'll even sign whatever they want to make them happy,
as far as a prenup goes.  I'm not looking for money, and would actually be
much more comfortable with him being a starving writer or something.  My not
seeing their father is not going to keep him from moving forward with his
life - there were women before me and there will be women after, should I
decide to leave.  At least, this way, they're getting someone who respects
how they feel.

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!  No, I don't expect that to get me anywhere.

The reality is that there aren't a whole lot of desirable, single men out
there, willing to have kids who don't already.  Santa didn't put the
gorgeous, single, childless, eager for kids, guy I asked for in my stocking
during this past eight years.  Luckily, he did bring me this incredible man
who is everything I've ever wanted - who I adore and who adores me, who is
perfect in every single way, but who happens to come with several rather
unfriendly daughters.  The situation is far from ideal, but it could be so
much worse.  There's no parenting involved whatsoever - I'd be their
father's wife and that's all.  They don't live there.  They're all well
educated and independent.  Hardly the worst situation imaginable.

lil