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Family Forum / Parenting / Step Parents / August 2004VENT.
Sorry, I need to get this out *somewhere* and unfortunately I have no where else to VENT to. Most of the people in my life will tell me to forbid it, to not let him get away with it. But for the sake of my son, I won't do that. Truthfully, I don't think it's my place TO forbid it, but I don't have to like it! My son moves into the dorm this coming saturday. It was agreed upon that the ex would take him, as he's much more physically able to help than I am. Fine, I have no problems with that at all. So, he calls son today, and instructs him that he has to be at his house by Wednesday! So, now I don't get those last few days I've been counting on with him. Now, he has to cram a whole weeks worth into the next few days, packing and last minute school shopping, etc. He has to finish all his laundry, and pack all his belongings into the car to drag an hour southeast to his father's house, to turn around and drive back and then an additional hour north on Saturday. (School is an hour north of me). Ex told him he was getting him a computer for college, but as of right now, it's still now arrived. He only ordered it last week. Now, this is a mac, not a PC as son is a music major and the mac is a better choice in that regard. Son has never used a mac before, and now he not only has to deal with all the new changes for school etc, but he's got to learn how to do what he needs to do with a mac. Originally he'd have had the summer to learn to use it well. Also, SO is a mac geek, and would've been able to help DS with the in's and outs. Supposedly it will be there some time this week, which is one of the reasons he's requiring son to go to his house for the last few days (supposedly, but if it's not in??)... Now, it would be one thing if I'd known all along that this was the plan. This was not anything that'd ever been discussed at all, and I didn't know this plan, son didn't know this plan either. I am angry that, as is usual, ex says JUMP and the kid feels obligated to say "How High, Dad?". He will jump through so many hoops to please his father, and I don't want to lay any more guilt trips on my son. The fact is, I don't think he will ever be able to please that man, as there is no pleasing him. I did ask DS "What is it that you want?" But he just says "This is fine.. " then a big sigh and "whatever". Shakes his head and leaves the room. I know this isn't what he wanted. He wanted a few more days with his friends, and his own room (a room he can't leave till is 'company clean' btw.. I don't care what day it is!). He's off in his room, blaring his music and trying to sort out what to bring and what not to bring. I've never lived in a dorm, I am clueless as to what he should bring and what he shouldn't bother with. <insert a multitude of swear words here> less than happy right now..... Cal~ > He's off in his room, blaring his music and trying to sort out what to > bring and what not to bring. I've never lived in a dorm, I am clueless > as to what he should bring and what he shouldn't bother with. When sis moved into her dorm room, she basically had to take everything she would've needed for a one bedroom apartment-clothes, linens, dishes, stereo, tv, bed, small bookcase/desk, all that kind of stuff. I know ASU has wireless options and lan hookups in the rooms, but DS can find that out once he gets there (and the demon machines are pretty placid creatures anyways-plug it in and it should be fine.) > <insert a multitude of swear words here> less than happy right now..... Oh, lookie-yet another example of how much of an inconsiderate, thoughtless a.s your ex can be. :D *Hugs* Jess >>He's off in his room, blaring his music and trying to sort out what to >>bring and what not to bring. I've never lived in a dorm, I am clueless [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > he gets there (and the demon machines are pretty placid creatures > anyways-plug it in and it should be fine.) Ouch. Have things changed that much? When I moved into a dorm, bed, dresser, desk were provided. Not too many dishes. Storage will be an issue and cleanup will too (i.e., it's better to have a couple of glasses and clean them between uses than 10 glasses and have them pile up before washing. Did a lot of dish washing in the bathroom sinks. :P ) Tracey > Ouch. Have things changed that much? When I moved into a dorm, bed, > dresser, desk were provided. Could be, I have no clue; she moved into ASU West, and ASU East (by me) has significantly more dorm space. > Not too many dishes. Storage will be an issue and cleanup will too > (i.e., it's better to have a couple of glasses and clean them between > uses than 10 glasses and have them pile up before washing. Did a lot > of dish washing in the bathroom sinks. :P ) Sis had a dishwasher in hers, but I'm trying to remember if there was a laundromat downstairs or if she actually had to wander out to a laundromat. Which reminds me-laundry *bag* -baskets are more of a pain to haul around. Closet organizer dingus that shoes can hang on, etc. Jess > Sis had a dishwasher in hers, but I'm trying to remember if there was a > laundromat downstairs or if she actually had to wander out to a laundromat. > Which reminds me-laundry *bag* -baskets are more of a pain to haul around. > Closet organizer dingus that shoes can hang on, etc. Well, we're definitely talking about two different kinds of dorms. LOL Sounds like hers was/is a mini-apartment. The one I lived in was only a basic bedroom setup with communal bathrooms (i.e., down the hall, not shared by two rooms.) Tracey >> Ouch. Have things changed that much? When I moved into a dorm, bed, >> dresser, desk were provided. [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > etc. > Jess Our dorms had beds, desks, a small dresser/mirror and a closet for each person, with a single sink. You didn't need any dishes at all because there was a dining room in each complex, however lots of people brought those small fridges to keep pops and what-have-you in.  Signature**Geri** "Pigs Can Fly!" GO HUSKERS! > Our dorms had beds, desks, a small dresser/mirror and a closet for > each person, with a single sink. You didn't need any dishes at all > because there was a dining room in each complex, however lots of > people brought those small fridges to keep pops and what-have-you > in. No sink and no mirror that I recall. College is within the city, and the dining hall is a shuttle bus away. He ill have a small fridge and the what-have-you's. I'd like to get a small supply of stuff for that, but he'll be responsible for anything after that first few weeks. Cal~ > > Our dorms had beds, desks, a small dresser/mirror and a closet for > > each person, with a single sink. You didn't need any dishes at all [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Cal~ Will he have a single room, or share with one or more room-mates? That may determine some of what he takes. If your college did not give you a list of things to bring (and NOT to bring - one I came across carefully specified no pets, no cars) I think Bed Bath & Beyond has such a list, see URL. (We're in a similar situation -- not with the Dad, just in terms of deciding what to pack.) http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/bts01_Checklist.asp? You may also want to check what's not allowed in the dorm...it seems to vary quite a lot. Some allow microwaves, some don't. Some prohibit cooking at all. Depends on space and wiring. Rupa > Will he have a single room, or share with one or more room-mates? > That may determine some of what he takes. He is in two-person dorm room. His assigned roommate decided not go to college (or at least this college), so now it's just a wait and see who or if they assign someone. They had told us at orientation back in June that they had a longer than normal wait list for rooms. They had less commuters than normal within the accepted applicants. > If your college did not give you a list of things to bring (and NOT > to [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/bts01_Checklist.asp? Thanks for the link :) > You may also want to check what's not allowed in the dorm...it seems > to vary quite a lot. Some allow microwaves, some don't. Some > prohibit > cooking at all. Depends on space and wiring. Yes, we do have the "not allowed" list. It's just the what IS allowed is rather vague, so it's a matter of finding what is a good idea for him to have. I've found some great ideas here so far. :) Cal~ > > Our dorms had beds, desks, a small dresser/mirror and a closet for > > each person, with a single sink. You didn't need any dishes at all [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Cal~ Will he have a single room, or share with one or more room-mates? That may determine some of what he takes. If your college did not give you a list of things to bring (and NOT to bring - one I came across carefully specified no pets, no cars) I think Bed Bath & Beyond has such a list, see URL. (We're in a similar situation -- not with the Dad, just in terms of deciding what to pack.) http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/bts01_Checklist.asp? You may also want to check what's not allowed in the dorm...it seems to vary quite a lot. Some allow microwaves, some don't. Some prohibit cooking at all. Depends on space and wiring. Rupa >> "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> wrote in message>> >>> He's off in his room, blaring his music and trying to sort out >>> what to bring and what not to bring. I've never lived in a dorm, >>> I am clueless as to what he should bring and what he shouldn't >>> bother with. >> When sis moved into her dorm room, she basically had to take >> everything she would've needed for a one bedroom [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > Ouch. Have things changed that much? When I moved into a dorm, bed, > dresser, desk were provided. Yeah, bed, dressers and desk are provided. An ethernet connection is also provided, and wireless is frowned upon, for security reasons, though they have the students on a separate network entirely to minimize the entire school system getting hit with something some dumb kid downloads. > Not too many dishes. Storage will be an issue and cleanup will too > (i.e., it's better to have a couple of glasses and clean them > between uses than 10 glasses and have them pile up before washing. > Did a lot of dish washing in the bathroom sinks. :P ) See, that is what has me stumped. What we have so far.. Small fridge, (very) small microwave, fan, computer (supposedly) and coffee pot. Bedding for an X-long Twin, trash bin, pillows. He can use the computer in lieu of a stereo, as my SO gave him a great set of speakers/woofer set that is made for the macs. Clothing. I would assume that he could take enough to get him through a bit of time, and then pick up more as the weather turns, since he's close enough. We also have at this time : You basic school supplies (paper, pens, notebooks, etc), white board. Laundry bag. No dishes as of yet.. What's appropriate? I don't imagine he'll be interested in doing too many dishes, but at the same time, he'll want some things. I've thought of glasses, coffee mug, bowls, silverware. Microwavable cooking bowl. He prefers paper plates, but would a regular plate be a good idea as well? I'm concerned about storage... For food supplies, he has peanut butter, bulk package of Ramen Noodles, microwave popcorn, coffee, creamer & sweetener. On our list: Printer, printer paper, laundry soap, ethernet cable, coffee & filters. We have available to him a 13 in TV/VCR and he wants to bring his nintendo game (gahhhhhhhhhh!).. as if.. What other things would be suggested? This kid is going to be hit with such culture shock. His bedroom right now is just about the same size as that dorm room, and he's all by himself. He will now have to fit an entire life in half of that size room. And now thanks to Jess ( :-P ) , seems I'll be worried that he's in the wrong dorm.. a smoking dorm, vs a non-smoking dorm.. BAHHH.. Cal~ Well, the first thing to do is to call his roommate and see if they are duplicating anything that they don't have to. I'd take a stereo, clothes, cd's, maybe a minifridge if I had one, linens, personal things to dress up the room like posters, pictures, etc. and whatever school supplies he's been instructed to bring (if any). Of course when I went, no one had microwaves or personal TVs in their rooms, but maybe they do now. Does his freshman information have any suggestions? If he's only an hour away, don't sweat it. He can come home in an evening to pick up stuff he forgot or didn't know he needs. Plus, I'm sure there are stores around campus where he can pick up a thing or two, and people are always selling stuff they don't need any more to college kids. The first big move to college is always stressful. But really, an hour away is next to nothing in the scheme of things. I'm sure he'll find his way back often to do laundry and hang out with his friends (and maybe even pop in to see you, too :-) Deb R. >Cal~ > Well, the first thing to do is to call his roommate and see if they > are duplicating anything that they don't have to. His roommate dropped out before he even started. They haven't reassigned him a new one yet, so he won't know till he gets there. They had a large wait list for rooms, so he knows he'll be given one.. it's just a matter of waiting till he gets there to find out. > I'd take a stereo, clothes, cd's, maybe a minifridge if I had one, > linens, personal things to dress up the room like posters, pictures, > etc. and whatever school supplies he's been instructed to bring (if > any). Of course when I went, no one had microwaves or personal TVs > in their rooms, but maybe they do now. Does his freshman > information have any suggestions? Very vague.. more a list of what's not allowed. Toasters, G. Foreman grills, table top stoves. > If he's only an hour away, don't sweat it. He can come home in an > evening to pick up stuff he forgot or didn't know he needs. He won't be able to come home until thanksgiving without a major hassle. Band schedule has rehearsals several nights a week (M-W-F) nights till nine pm. And there is something scheduled for every single weekend until Thanksgiving. Tue & Thur. are set aside for ensembles which are mandatory. Also, he won't have a vehicle there at his disposal. He'd have to take an hour train ride to Boston, and then an hour train ride here.. with who knows how much time between them.. not doable just for an evening :( ... >Plus, > I'm sure there are stores around campus where he can pick up a > thing or two, and people are always selling stuff they don't need > any more to college kids. True, once he figures out the transportation issue, that will be good. He also HAS to get a job, and fit that in somewhere as well. > The first big move to college is always stressful. Yes, I think this is a big part of it for me. also, having this whole "I have to leave Wednesday" thing tossed at me today.. has me particularly stressed. >But really, an > hour away is next to nothing in the scheme of things. I'm > sure he'll find his way back often to do laundry and hang out with > his friends (and maybe even pop in to see you, too :-) Perhaps after thanksgiving..... Cal~ >Very vague.. more a list of what's not allowed. Toasters, G. Foreman >grills, table top stoves. I hope they included those coil thingies that you can heat up a cup of water with. I could show you some pretty impressive pictures of what my dorm looked like after a girl down the hall forgot to unplug hers and the room caught on fire... >He won't be able to come home until thanksgiving without a major hassle. >Band schedule has rehearsals several nights a week (M-W-F) nights till >nine pm. And there is something scheduled for every single weekend >until Thanksgiving. Tue & Thur. are set aside for ensembles which are >mandatory. I bet he'll find some weekend time somewhere. If not, he'll survive without whatever is is he forgot. I was 8 hours away with no car and I just made do. Several times when I needed a ride home for breaks, I just checked an on-campus ride board for someone going my way. There's probably a ton of kids who can give rides in your direction for gas money. It'll be fine. Deb R. >Cal~ <delurk> > He won't be able to come home until thanksgiving without a major hassle. Sounds like a great opportunity for a visit from mom! After he settles in for a couple days he'll have a much better sense of what he does and does not need. Why don't you plan to visit a few days after he moves in, with the purpose of dropping off all the small items he's forgotten. Maybe bring a pizza, and have "dinner" together. Incidentally, a friend of mine mentioned that the one item his kid really wanted after moving to a dorm turned out to be a dustbuster. It seemed pretty funny, since this is not a kid that was noted for excessive tidiness, but there you have it... <relurk> > <delurk> > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > items he's forgotten. Maybe bring a pizza, and have "dinner" > together. Trying SO hard not to Yabbutt today, it's difficult. :) I know much of it is my frame of mind this afternoon. Trying to get DS to take a break and have dinner with me and he's not interested. We've been looking over at his school/band schedule and we're just not sure where he'll fit everything in. I'm sure it won't be so bad once he's got things organized. Right now.. it appears every hour is booked. And he must get a job, not doing so is not an option. I know that isn't the case, so I guess it is more a wait and see.. it's killing him that he won't be able to have his drums until we iron this out about getting his stuff up there. As I said to him, if we can't find time to even unload it from my car, there isn't any way he'll find time to use them. And SO drives very close by the school on his way home; perhaps on some Sunday evening he could drop things off.. they could bond even more, over their macs :)... > Incidentally, a friend of mine mentioned that the one item his kid > really wanted after moving to a dorm turned out to be a dustbuster. > It seemed pretty funny, since this is not a kid that was noted for > excessive tidiness, but there you have it... OH.. I forgot.. Ex gave DS an old dustbroom thingie.. and some windex, papertowels, and a few other cleaning supplies.. DS said .... "oh... as IF.." lol > <relurk> (Joy.. why lurk so much? You have SO much to offer! I wish you'd stick around more). Cal~ > > <delurk> > > [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > > Cal~ Well, I feel kind of awkward, since I'm not a step-parent, and not likely to become one any time soon. OTOH, I *am* a parent who doesn't live with my children's other parent. I actually like this group much better that the single parents one - I get a lot of insight into family relationships here. So are you guys OK with non-steps sorta hanging out? Joy >Well, I feel kind of awkward, since I'm not a step-parent, and not likely to >become one any time soon. OTOH, I *am* a parent who doesn't live with my [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > >Joy I'm not a step parent either, and not likely to become one any time soon. You're much more polite than me, I just joined in anyway and never asked if anyone was OK with it. I've been here for about 8 years now. I'm a divorced parent, and my ex is remarried which gives my son a step parent. I started coming here because it was a good group to deal with that split family situation. Deb R. >> Well, I feel kind of awkward, since I'm not a step-parent, and not >> likely to become one any time soon. OTOH, I *am* a parent who [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > > Deb R. Exactly. This group is wonderful for even just parenting advice. I recommend it to single parents all the time, because it doesn't really matter if you or the ex-spouse is remarried or not, a split family is a split family and many of the dynamics are the same. I stumbled upon this group once when something was cross-posted to ASD and realized I had a question about something.. can't recall what, except that it had to do with my DD and it generated a very good response. I left once for a while, and found I needed to come back and I don't imagine leaving any time soon. I hope you stay :) Cal~ "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> wrote > > "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> wrote > >> hassle. > > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > I know much of it is my frame of mind this afternoon. Trying to get DS > to take a break and have dinner with me and he's not interested. Ah. Welcome to the pack. (Moms who are not considered cool company for a year or two or three.) The way this works is you get an e-mail about what he absolutely *must* have (including substantial quantities of junk food....) and then you drop it off at the school (perhaps at the office) and e-mail him that the thing has been accomplished... > We've been looking over at his school/band schedule and we're just not > sure where he'll fit everything in. I'm sure it won't be so bad once [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > find time to even unload it from my car, there isn't any way he'll find > time to use them. Before taking his drums, I'd suggest waiting to see if (a) there's space in the room (b) they're actually feasible. One of mine wanted a good keyboard, so it was duly acquired, but it turned out the only way it would fit in the dorm-room was upright on end. It lives at home and the cat sleeps on it. Rupa > Before taking his drums, I'd suggest waiting to see if (a) there's > space in the room (b) they're actually feasible. One of mine wanted > a good keyboard, so it was duly acquired, but it turned out the > only way it would fit in the dorm-room was upright on end. It lives > at home and the cat sleeps on it. He's a music major. Since the school is musically oriented, they have practice rooms set aside specifically for drummers, two students per practice room. The two issues getting them there are, 1) they wont' fit along with everything else in the car so we have to do that separately and 2) when we can coordinate our schedules for the drop off. I don't know what he would've done if he wasn't able to bring them. He's also bringing his bass and amp, but at least he can play that (minus the amp) in his room, whenever the urge strikes him. Cal~ > > Before taking his drums, I'd suggest waiting to see if (a) there's > > space in the room (b) they're actually feasible. One of mine wanted [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > He's also bringing his bass and amp, but at least he can play that > (minus the amp) in his room, whenever the urge strikes him. That's quite different, then. Hope he has a great time with them. Sounds like a very exciting world opening up to him! Rupa Cal I have moved my daughter in and out of dorms before. Since you already have his move in arranged to be with his father, you'll probably want to leave it as is, especially since his computer hasn't been handed over to him yet. However it is NOT all that physically hard to move in and out of a dorm. Most schools have upperclassmen or others to help the freshman move in and a supply of handcarts. Depending on what floor he is on, if he has to use an elavator, how close to the door the van or car can be parked, will have alot to do with just how quickly it can be done. Once you go see him and check it all out you'll have a better idea as to just how difficult it would be to help him move out next spring. I bet you and your SO, along with your son, can get it done easily. Have you checked the colleges web site yet? Most colleges will have a list of things that they suggest you bring for dorm life. I'm going to mention a few less thought of things that I know my oldest found *really* helpful to have in her dorm room, before she started living off campus. Roll of quarters for washers/dryers Flip flops to wear to and from shower Kleenex Shower caddy to carry all the crap to and from shower room Towels Something to wear too and from the shower room Tons of socks and underwear (as many pair as possible college kids HATE to do laundry) Reading light (some kids like to study late and this will come in handy if the room mate doesn't) Easy Mac and Rago Instant Pasta and believe it or not Stove Top Stuffing A laynard type key chain so he'll be less likely to loose his keys Plastic Crates to store things in Dry erase board to hang on outside of his door to let others know his comings and goings Disposable camera Asprin, cold medication, Pepto, etc. Plastic silverware, paper plates, plastic cups, bowls One set of real silverware, knife that cuts well, one set of real dishes, one upperwear bowl to heat suff up in Dish washing liquid and a sponge Double up on things like toothpaste, deoderant, etc that you can get cheaper at your local discount store One thing my child loved and still loves is getting mail and care packages. You can get Halmark cards for .50 each at Walmart. I send one every other week and once a month I slip a ten or twenty in it. They also LOVE homemade cookies, or any other comfort food you can put in a box and send to them. If they have a campus card that can have money loaded on it they LOVE to have you put money on it for them and often there are places on campus that won't even take cash, just the campus cards. I know just how bittersweet it is to have your first born go away to college. You burst with pride while having your heart in your throat. My best advice while he is away is to let him know you are there for him, keep him updated how things are at home, and that you are proud of him and love him. Ask questions about how things are going but don't be surprised or hurt if you don't get much info from him. The real challenge will come next summer when he returns alot more mature and with a whole different outlook on things like curfew. Indy > Have you checked the colleges web site yet? Most colleges will have > a list of things that they suggest you bring for dorm life. It seems too vague, really. They sent home some suggestions, but really doesn't cover a lot. More of what not to bring, than what to bring. >I'm > going to mention a few less thought of things that I know my oldest [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > Roll of quarters for washers/dryer > Flip flops to wear to and from shower Oh.. good.. didn't think of flip flops. > Kleenex > Shower caddy to carry all the crap to and from shower room > Towels > Something to wear too and from the shower room > Tons of socks and underwear (as many pair as possible college kids > HATE to do laundry) hehe.. yeah.. we bought two more packs of each this week just for that purpose.. > Reading light (some kids like to study late and this will come in > handy if the room mate doesn't) [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > Disposable camera > Asprin, cold medication, Pepto, etc. :) See, now he laughed at me for getting him a small supply of medicine. > Plastic silverware, paper plates, plastic cups, bowls > One set of real silverware, knife that cuts well, one set of real > dishes, one upperwear bowl to heat suff up in > Dish washing liquid and a sponge > Double up on things like toothpaste, deoderant, etc that you can > get cheaper at your local discount store BJ's Warehouse.. a wonderful thing :) > One thing my child loved and still loves is getting mail and care > packages. You can get Halmark cards for .50 each at Walmart. I send [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > LOVE to have you put money on it for them and often there are > places on campus that won't even take cash, just the campus cards. Yes, that campus card is the only way they can do laundry as well. The machines don't take money at all. > I know just how bittersweet it is to have your first born go away > to college. You burst with pride while having your heart in your > throat. Yes, that is exactly it. I know I'm not breaking new ground, but it still is surprising how hard it is. > My best advice while he is away is to let him know you are there > for him, keep him updated how things are at home, and that you are > proud of him and love him. Ask questions about how things are going > but don't be surprised or hurt if you don't get much info from him. LOL I told him tonight. I must have a phone call once a week. :-P He just looked at me and said, yeah.. that'll happen.. and then winked at me. > The real challenge will come next summer when he returns alot more > mature and with a whole different outlook on things like curfew. We've had a few struggles this summer, though no where near what some have gone through. I imagine winter break is going to be a huge shocker for both of us. Thanks Cal~ > Indy > LOL I told him tonight. I must have a phone call once a week. :-P He > just looked at me and said, yeah.. that'll happen.. and then winked at > me. Email, and another friend has a livejournal account just so her parents can read what she's doing on a daily basis. :D Jess >> LOL I told him tonight. I must have a phone call once a week. >> :-P He just looked at me and said, yeah.. that'll happen.. and [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Jess Hmmm... I wonder if I could convince him of that one..lol. He does have an IM account, so.. hopefully I can catch him now and again and tell him to GET OFF the chat and get to his homework <G> Cal~ > Hmmm... I wonder if I could convince him of that one..lol. It's free, and he can customize his friends groups so his pesky mom doesn't see thing he doesn't want her to see. ;) It also has a free, downloadable client that is mac compatible that makes it incredibly easy to post to it-he can start a post, save it to post later, edit it, etc. :) It's really neat. :) Jess > It's free, and he can customize his friends groups so his pesky mom doesn't > see thing he doesn't want her to see. ;) It also has a free, downloadable > client that is mac compatible that makes it incredibly easy to post to it-he > can start a post, save it to post later, edit it, etc. :) It's really neat. > :) You forgot to mention the commenting feature. Cal, you can leave comments in reply to what he writes. Jess, do you have one? Adrienne, LJ maven > You forgot to mention the commenting feature. Cal, you can leave comments > in reply to what he writes. > > Jess, do you have one? Sure do-warpedwitch. It's friends-locked tho', so you won't see anything until I add you. Jess > Sure do-warpedwitch. It's friends-locked tho', so you won't see anything > until I add you. 'k. I added you. It starts with an "h". (Mine's not friends-only) A > "Adrienne Winn" <heltownsend@hotmail.com> wrote in message >> You forgot to mention the commenting feature. Cal, you can leave comments >> in reply to what he writes. So that's you. :D Jess >>"Adrienne Winn" <heltownsend@hotmail.com> wrote in message >> >>>You forgot to mention the commenting feature. Cal, you can leave comments >>>in reply to what he writes. > > So that's you. :D Indeed. My userpic was actually taken by my husband on Sunday afternoon of last year's GenCon. He was walking me from the convention center to my car so I could drive home. The convention center and the geeks in the background of the original picture had to be cut out. > My userpic was actually taken by my husband on Sunday afternoon of last > year's GenCon. He was walking me from the convention center to my car so I > could drive home. The convention center and the geeks in the background of > the original picture had to be cut out. Well,yeah-if he'd left the center in, you wouldn't be seen. ;) Our con pics are going up sometime this week, probably later part because we have prizes to mail out first. Jess In a previous article, "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> said: >He does have an IM account, so.. hopefully I can catch him now and again >and tell him to GET OFF the chat and get to his homework <G> When Stevie was away at first, I didn't call often because I wanted her to adjust, and I thought that talking to family would make it harder. But she was using IM a lot, and before I went to bed I'd send one little "Good night" IM, and she'd respond "Good night, Mom!" It was great. It was like being able to call good night up the stairs or just into another room. She's starting her junior year in a week! I can't believe it! Vicki SignaturePower may be justly compared to a great river; while kept within its bounds it is both beautiful and useful, but when it overflows its banks, it is then too impetuous to be stemmed; it bears down all before it, and brings destruction and desolation wherever it goes." -- Alexander Hamilton. > In a previous article, "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> > said: [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > send one little "Good night" IM, and she'd respond "Good night, > Mom!" :-) > It was great. It was like being able to call good night up the > stairs or just into another room. > > She's starting her junior year in a week! I can't believe it! I can't believe he's actually leaving.. Looking forward to seeing the man that returns, but sad to see the boy leaving. I'm sure that's fairly normal. Cal~ In a previous article, "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> said: >Sorry, I need to get this out *somewhere* and unfortunately I have no >where else to VENT to. Most of the people in my life will tell me to [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >counting on with him. Now, he has to cram a whole weeks worth into the >next few days, packing and last minute school shopping, etc. OK. You say you can't *forbid* it, and I guess that's right. But why can't you call and say "This isn't what Son and I had planned. I can probably get him ready by Friday, but Wednesday isn't going to work. We don't have enough notice. I thought I'd have to have him ready by Saturday; I can't sacrifice those three extra days. There's too much to do." I don't get what you mean by "for the sake of your son." Is it better for him if you're a pushover? Vicki SignaturePower may be justly compared to a great river; while kept within its bounds it is both beautiful and useful, but when it overflows its banks, it is then too impetuous to be stemmed; it bears down all before it, and brings destruction and desolation wherever it goes." -- Alexander Hamilton. > In a previous article, "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> > said: [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > I don't get what you mean by "for the sake of your son." Is it > better for him if you're a pushover? Well, no it's not. At the same time, there is enough going on right now, that I want to keep from putting DS in the middle of a tug of war. What I did do is tell DS that he needs to plan out how he's going to accomplish what he needs to do here before he goes to his father's house; he's handling his own packing for the most part, I have little involvement there. He has decided that yes, he will go on Wednesday, but not till evening. Thursday he and his father are going to go to the beach and Friday they'll be working with the computer. So, I guess if he's happy with the plans that's fine. Just would've liked to have known sooner, so I could've prepared for it emotionally. As is typical form, it's what's convienent for him. Cal~ > He has decided that yes, he will go on Wednesday, but not till evening. > Thursday he and his father are going to go to the beach and Friday [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Cal~ There's no way to prepare, IMO. They're off and running, and you miss them at the damnedest moments... Oh, and the goodbyes never seem to be like what one imagines, either, at least, not for us it isn't. Everyone's thinking logistics (in our case, the last load of laundry...), the kid's mind is already out the door, the carefully made breakfast (or, for us, dinner) is barely tasted as it's wolfed down, and it feels as though you're in different time-zones. E-mail's great for the How I Miss You notes, though. So's voice-mail, if he has it. Hang in there. One hour away is not so far. With any luck, he'll be back with his laundry from time to time. Ours is 7 hours away. Rupa >So, he calls son today, and instructs him that he has to be at his house >by Wednesday! So, now I don't get those last few days I've been >counting on with him. Cal, this resonated with me. Remember I went to my quilting camp week before last? I called the ex, to coordinate the trip, before I made the reservations. I mentioned that I didn't want to be gone when he and DS left for their trip to London. Of course, after that, he schedules their flight to leave on the morning of the day I was to get back -- which meant that I didn't get to see DS for three days before he left. I don't know what to tell ya.... even though your heart feels like it might break, it won't... and you'll survive. I can't help... only commiserate. Sheila > I don't know what to tell ya.... even though your heart feels like > it might break, it won't... and you'll survive. I can't help... > only commiserate. > > Sheila Thanks. I know it may sound silly, but I had this whole imagine in my mind of how Saturday morning was going to go. Home made breakfast, last minute hugs.. watching him leave ... silly I know.. sigh.. Cal~ In a previous article, "_calinda_" <calindasinclair@hotmail.com> said: >Thanks. I know it may sound silly, but I had this whole imagine in my >mind of how Saturday morning was going to go. Home made breakfast, last >minute hugs.. watching him leave ... silly I know.. sigh.. Just switch that to home made dinner Wednesday night, last minute hugs, watching him leave. You'll be all right after he comes home for his first long break at Christmas. Stevie was terribly homesick the first semester, and now she totally loves it, and I love that she loves it. It's a wonderful thing to see them fly. Vicki SignaturePower may be justly compared to a great river; while kept within its bounds it is both beautiful and useful, but when it overflows its banks, it is then too impetuous to be stemmed; it bears down all before it, and brings destruction and desolation wherever it goes." -- Alexander Hamilton. > Thanks. I know it may sound silly, but I had this whole imagine......... IMAGE. sigh.. Cal wrote: >Thanks. I know it may sound silly, but I had this whole imagine in my >mind of how Saturday morning was going to go. Home made breakfast, last >minute hugs.. watching him leave ... silly I know.. sigh.. Silly? Pffttt. I was hugging, holding back tears, taking a million pictures, and I was going with to help her move in! It does get easier. She turned 21 this past spring and left a few weeks ago for her 4th year. I haven't cried once! Even though I miss her, as they get older (and as *I* get older) I look forward to the peace and quite. LOL Indy >Cal~ In a previous article, indyguy1@aol.com (Indyguy1) said: >It does get easier. She turned 21 this past spring and left a few weeks ago for >her 4th year. I haven't cried once! Even though I miss her, as they get older >(and as *I* get older) I look forward to the peace and quite. LOL Very true. You look forward so much for them to come home, then you wonder if they were always this... *present*, and then they leave again and you miss them terribly, but life does get simpler. It's a very peculiar mix of sadness and missing them, and freedom. But they'll always be your babies. Vicki SignaturePower may be justly compared to a great river; while kept within its bounds it is both beautiful and useful, but when it overflows its banks, it is then too impetuous to be stemmed; it bears down all before it, and brings destruction and desolation wherever it goes." -- Alexander Hamilton. Vicki wrote: >But they'll always be your babies. Oh thanks a million, Vicki. I thought I got through this last send off without shedding a tear. Now I *am* crying. :) Seriously, I think going away to college is as important to some parents as it is for the students, when it comes to the whole seperation process. At least you get them back for summers and school breaks for a few years before they set up houskeeping on thier own for good. I better stop now I'm getting dizzy just thinking about her never living here agaain. Anyone have a couple hundred boxes of tissue they don't need? :'( Indy Just wanted to thank everyone for taking my vent and turning it into something useful for me to focus on. :) Glad I posted.. Cal~ > Just wanted to thank everyone for taking my vent and turning it into > something useful for me to focus on. > > :) > > Glad I posted.. So'm I. :) Jess |
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