Family Forum / Parenting / Step Parents / September 2005

About 18 months ago I started to see a guy that I really liked, it was a
tough situation because I am quite young and he was 10 yrs older with 2
children and still going through his break up.  In October we moved in
together for several reason and expected that i would be able to meet his
children shortly after, however their mother would only let him see his 2
children with her.  Understanding that I can not fight against him seeing
his children I allowed this to happen.  Then christmas came where she
became more difficult and it got to the point where they would try to give
it another go.  So in january he moved back in to 'the family home'.  By
no surprise when he moved back out this caused no end of problems with his
5 yr old son inparticular.

It came the time when they could come and stay with us.  the first weekend
was fine, we got on and played happily, then ever since there has been
problems.  

I would be greated with being hit or having things thrown at me, offensive
comments and to be ignored.  this became a problem because the violence
streched to when ever his dad's back was turned and i was not allowed to
correct him, although eventually i asked why he thought he could do that.
i have never been able to get a response from him.  Although the violence
has stopped almost completly the rudeness and defiant behaviour continues
and i do not know what to do. they want to meet my parents but i am too
worried what they will do.

Another situation that I feel uncomfortable with is that i do not feel
that the father is happy to follow through any punishment. When told to go
to his room he will scream, shout, throw things and even urinate and the
father will give in.  i feel as if he will beakon to his every demand out
of guilt. The scary thing is his two year old daughter is seeing this
behaviour and thinks it is right.

It has now got to the point where I don't wasnt to be there. I don't want
to be abused physically and verbally. I dont want food thrown on my
furniture. I don't want him to throw my belongings. Idon't want to feel
threatened in my own home. he is getting stronger each day what happens
when it really does some serious damage?  I have never been around
children, but i do know that they misbehave and it is something you have
to deal with but there are some barrier that shouldn't be crossed.