step son

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tallulah626 - 27 Nov 2005 15:32 GMT

I love my step son like crazy, but I've had it with his big mouth and your
not my real mom crap. His biological mother (I refuse to call her his
real mom because she doesn't do a damn thing for him) is a major piece of
trash. She hardly ever calls or visits him. I know this hurts him and we
even have him going to a counsuler for this. Every time he acts out he
says it's because "my mom is never there for me and this is the way that I
treated her". I keep trying to talk with him and try to make him see that
no matter how rotten and nasty he is to me that I'm not going to turn my
back on him. I feel so bad because I feel like I'm losing my mind and
don't know how much more I can take before I break. My husband is a
wonderful support system for me, but sometimes I feel like even he isn't
doing enough. Sometimes I feel like it's both of them against me. What
can I do to get over this feeling? I hate feeling like this, it makes me
feel like a rotten parent.

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Vicki Robinson - 30 Nov 2005 23:13 GMT

In a previous article, "tallulah626" <tallulah626@nospam.netzero.net> said:

>I love my step son like crazy, but I've had it with his big mouth and your
>not my real mom crap. His biological mother (I refuse to call her his
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
>can I do to get over this feeling? I hate feeling like this, it makes me
>feel like a rotten parent.

You're stuck in a very painful place, but so is your stepson. In
fact, I would say that his is worse; he's been rejected by his own
biomother, and that's a soul-deep cut that for some reason is terribly
difficult for children to get over or get through. (Children of
abusive mothers, mothers who burn them and beat them, nevertheless
yearn for them deeply when they're taken away.)

Don't personalize this. It's not *you* your stepson is acting out
against, it's whoever is in your position. Sometimes it may help to
remember that it's not YOU, specifically.

It might also help to get your husband on board very specifically.
Target a behavior that you want your SS to stop, and then you and your
husband work out a plan of action and execute it together.

Is your SS getting counseling? He ought to be.

Vicki

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Of all the stupid things I've done, this is certainly the most recent.
- Chris Clarke

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lioness - 08 Dec 2005 15:29 GMT

You can't be a rotten parent if you're still hanging in there...I have
two stepdaughters, 16 & 15 and two daughters of my own, 10 & 6. My
husband and I both have primary custody. Some days it's hormone city
and you can't win no matter what you do. I used to have an unrealistic
expectation that everyday was going to be wonderful with my family.
All six of us would live in harmony...la-la-la Then reality hit and
it's just not that way. I love all my girls but there are days when I
get serious lip from the stepdaughters about everything from an earring
that's missing to the jeans I shrunk...and how their mother would never
do those things and on and on. Maybe it would help you if took a step
back and said to yourself, some days are going to suck. We as adults
seem to be suffering from the happy family syndrome, and when you have
step kids, it just doesn't work that way. I'm sure your stepson thinks
about his birth mom, and can't comprehend why she's not with him. You
and your husband should recognize that the commitment you're making to
this boy is huge, and there are going to be days when it's not fun. I
hope I helped a little... stay strong.

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-Calliope- - 09 Dec 2005 00:29 GMT

> We as adults
> seem to be suffering from the happy family syndrome, and when you have
> step kids, it just doesn't work that way.

Two things.. sometimes it doesn't work that way with a whole bio-family as
well and sometimes a family with step kids DOES work that way.

Oh.. four things.. 3) quoting who you are replying to is the polite thing
to do as well as helping keep context and 4) adding paragraph breaks is
*also* the polite thing to do and allows more readers to be able to read
what you're writing.

If you need help on how to quote, let us know what newsreader you're using
and someone can help you with that one.. different newsreaders handle
quoting in different manners.

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Cal~

calliope 123 at gmail dot com

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Family Forum / Parenting / Step Parents / December 2005

step son