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Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / July 2007When does a teenager become and adult?
Hi ~ I recently posted here ~ "instant single parent of my 18 year old son!" ~ a number of questions about how to try to handle a teenager: ~ * whose values are diametrically different from yours ... ~ * who does not respect you ~ * who does not understand you ~ I am not so good at "talking" and anything you tell him (even the most minimal thing) could end in a "who are you to be telling me what/ how to do, if you abandoned me! ..." tirade ~ If I tell him to get a job to pay for his own things he would yell you out telling you "you abandoned me once and are doing the same all over again! ..." ~ Which to me doesn't even make logical sense: How could you abandon someone twice?, let along factually; I never failed caring about him (I mean sending him money, writing and talking to him about the importance of school ...) ~ Apparently he sees me as his "sending money daddy" and now as an adult feels "betrayed" ~ I think I made the mistake to totally underestimate peoples concerns partly because I had a hard time being cynical and also because I had a hard time when I was trying to leave the country (my family would not help me) so I would have been a hypocritical a.shole hadn't I helped him ~ I think I should not back off till he understands basic respect at the very least as his landlord ~ My wife tells me she has had very similar problems with her kids since they became teens, but there was bonding before they were really lovely kids and she still has that in her mind. All I see in my case is a kid trying to bully me and assert what eh believes are his rights (mostly based on guilt trips) in a somewhat funny way to me ~ Any cases of how some of you have handled these kinds of problems? ~ I am also worried about the legal implications that impending problems might have. When does a teenager become and adult? ~ Thanks lbrtchx > Hi > ~ [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > ~ > * who does not understand you -------------------- If he is 18, then he is an adult. treat him that way. If you don't like everything he does, tough sh.t, he's an adult! Treat him like you have to treat your other adult friends in order to even HAVE any!! Since he isn't your son, he isn't your business. Stay the hell out of it and luxuriate in the "not having to"!! > Apparently he sees me as his "sending money daddy" and now as an > adult feels "betrayed" ------------------------ If you f.cked up your guilt is your problem. Do with it what you have to and quit bitching. If you can ignore him, then you have to. > I think I made the mistake to totally underestimate peoples concerns > partly because I had a hard time being cynical and also because I had > a hard time when I was trying to leave the country (my family would > not help me) so I would have been a hypocritical a.shole hadn't I > helped him ------------------------ Your guilt for any past bad acts is yours alone. > I think I should not back off till he understands basic respect at > the very least as his landlord -------------------------- You could wind up in a GREAT DEAL of legal trouble if he has been living there awhile, if you want him out you are required to give him the same notice you would anyone if they have been paying rent, OR IF HE HAS NOT AND THAT HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN ACCEPTIBLE TO YOU! All it takes to prove that is the fact that you didn't evict him before! He is NOT obligated to respect anyone, least way not his landlord!! You should mind your business and mind the law! > My wife tells me she has had very similar problems with her kids > since they became teens, but there was bonding before they were really > lovely kids and she still has that in her mind. All I see in my case > is a kid trying to bully me and assert what eh believes are his rights > (mostly based on guilt trips) in a somewhat funny way to me -------------------------- Guilt doesn't produce rights. What you do about your guilt is up to you, but remain in your proper place. You are NO LONGER his parent, if you ever were. You are his housemate. If you don't like him, then evict him legally, but you have NO other rights! > Any cases of how some of you have handled these kinds of problems? > ~ > I am also worried about the legal implications that impending > problems might have. When does a teenager become and adult? -------------- Eighteen universally in the USA. Steve > If he is 18, then he is an adult. treat him that way. > If you don't like everything he does, tough sh.t, he's an adult! > Treat him like you have to treat your other adult friends in order > to even HAVE any!! Since he isn't your son, he isn't your business. > Stay the hell out of it and luxuriate in the "not having to"!! Yikes. Lotta anger in that post. > You could wind up in a GREAT DEAL of legal trouble if he has been > living there awhile, if you want him out you are required to give > him the same notice you would anyone if they have been paying rent, I'm not so sure about that. Depending on your state he could be (and probably would be) what's known as a "licensee." That is, he has permission to use your property like a guest. Once you tell him to hit the road, he has to hit the road or he could be arrested for trespass. > > If he is 18, then he is an adult. treat him that way. > > If you don't like everything he does, tough sh.t, he's an adult! [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > to use your property like a guest. Once you tell him to hit the road, he > has to hit the road or he could be arrested for trespass. ----------------- You better check! Most places no hold that a "regular" resident of ANYWHERE has a right to a month's notice, or more in some states. Steve Er, well, depends on your jurisdiction, but legally one becomes an adult at 18 in most parts of the western world. > If I tell him to get a job to pay for his own things he would yell > you out telling you "you abandoned me once and are doing the same all > over again! ..." Sounds like more of a sociopath than a teenager. Time for some "tough love." Kick his a.s out and cut off funding. My folks helped me financially for a long time after I became an adult, but I was always gracious and thankful. If he is not, then to hell with him. Life is too short to deal with people like that, even if you are their parents. On Jul 23, 1:28 am, lbrt...@hotmail.com wrote: > Hi > ~ [quoted text clipped - 48 lines] > Thanks > lbrtchx com find me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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