Family Forum / Parenting / Twins / January 2004

Hi Erin,

I have three girls, ages 11, 8 and 7. We were giving an allowance for chores
for about two years, it was a major hassle getting my then 5-year-old to do
them everyday. So I stopped for a while. We have started chores again, but I
am not giving allowance associated with chores because we have decided that
there are certain things that must be done in a household to make it run and
we didn't feel that they should be paid for it.

What we do now is, I assign rooms to each child and they have to take care
of that room for one month and then they switch. They are not paid for it. I
have a list of extra chores around the house that they can earn extra money
for. Some of those include washing windows, shoveling the walk when it
snows, sweeping and mopping our steps, cleaning cars, etc..
Other than the money that they can earn, I don't give them any extra money.
For now anyway. I may change that once the 11-year-old needs or wants more
things.

Lots of people monitor the money when they give out an allowance. I don't
want to do that. I would like them to feel that once they have earned their
money, they should be able to spend it however they like. I would suggest
perhaps saving half and spending half, but it seemed that they were getting
such a little amount that saving half would leave them not a whole lot to
spend. Kids do need to learn how to save money and spend it. I am just not
sure how much I would interfere with it.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Oooh, this is another thread I'm looking forward to seeing input!  

Not there, yet as mine are under three ;)  DH and I have already agreed on a
plan, though.  We will give them "expected" chores like cleaning their rooms,
making bed, etc.  Then, we'll have a chart of "extra" chores that they can
choose from and they will come w/monetary benefits associated to the level of
work.  We'll try to offer them the opportunity to each earn $1 per year of
life.  We plan on taking a % of that from them (just like taxes, tithing, and
showing them how to save for a rainy day).  

Our goals are to teach them a)some things are to be done regardless of benefit
b)even if you earn money, money comes with a responsibility to help others and
yourself in the future by saving  c)you can choose to do nothing and go nowhere
or do extra and succeed

Ah, a perfect plan...let's see how reality will cause us to shift to adjust to
each girl's personality ;) LOL!  (I think it'll work great, though, as I'm a
product of the same line of thinking.)
Missy in Indiana http://hometown.aol.com/mhrust/overviewforng.html
Morgan Olivia & Julia Lucille 4/28/01 (YAY!)

  We started giving our 3 year old a $1.00/week allowance a few
weeks ago.  At this point, it's not tied to chores - we're
primarily interested in teaching him about the different
values of coins, and instilling the habit of saving.

  Out of the $1.00, he has to take 25 cents and save it
for college.  He also need to save 15 cents for charity.
Each of these allocations goes into a separate tupperware
container.  The remainder goes into his main piggy bank,
with which he can do as he pleases.  He's currently
saving up for a palm pilot.  ;-)

  At any rate, each week I've given him a different
number of coins of different denominations, so he
gets some practice.  When he gets a few dollars saved
up in his enforced savings, we'll take them to the
bank and the charity, respectively, and start over.

  When he gets older, I expect we'll have the allowance
at least somewhat tied to chores - though if he does a large
amount of extra work, like painting the house, for example,
I would treat that as an entirely separate transaction.
He can learn about subcontracting.  ;-)

My daughter is still too young for allowances, but I can tell you what my
own parents did, if that might help.

We got allowances freely.  They were not tied to chores.  The way it was
explained to us was that we were part of a family, and because of that, we
had rights (e.g. money from the family coffers) and responsibilities (e.g.
chores) that were interdependant, but that the former wasn't reimbursement
for the latter.

We were allowed to use our allowances however we wished.  When we all got
paying non-family jobs, half of every paycheck had to be put in a college
savings account, but allowance was considered pocket money.

We each had chores to be completed.  As I recall, they consisted of
something like 1) make bed daily, and tidy own room weekly.  2) Walk dog
daily.   Each of us rotated weekly through either a) feeding the dog,
setting and clearing the dinner table and emptying the dishwasher as needed.
As we got older  (the stuff I just described was early pre-teen stuff - 8
years old, maybe?), we added daily tidying of one downstairs room to be done
before any parent got home, and weekly dusting and vacuuming of said room,
plus one bathroom.  That started when we were about, oh, I don't know, maybe
10.

If we wanted to earn extra money, there were indeed paid chores for each
age.  I can't remember what they were, but I'm sure they involved yard work,
etc.

Cautionary tale:  my stepdaughter's mother paid her for chores.  At about
age eight she decided she could live without money, and refused to do any
chores whatsoever.   Not maliciously, mind, you, she just calmly quit.  :)
So I would REALLY urge you not to link chores to allowance.  :)  It leaves a
well-meaning parent nothing to do when the child realizes that s/he doesn't
really need money.  Which they don't.  :)

HTH

Donna

I give my 6 year old daughter $1.25 every week for allowance. She gives
25 cents to her Brownie troop as dues.  It isn't contingent on anything
(chores) because I want her to learn money management skills.  She has
chores to do as a member of our family.  We wanted to separate the two
because, well, I didn't want her to associate money with ordinary tasks
or chores.

So far, she hasn't really spent any of it. But she's allowed to spend it
on whatever she wants.

Jeanne

Only our daughter receives an allowance right now - 5.00 a week. She is
responsible for keeping her room picked up, making her bed, taking care of
her folded laundry, feeding her cat and when I need her help with other
things around the house. I dont ask her to do much so it's usually just
setting the table occassionally, clearing it off, dusting, etc.

Of that 5.00, she has to put 1.00 a week into the caring can. When there is
a sum of say, 15.00 she donates it to various charities. I find different
ones taylored to her interests and print out the information and put it in
her can (an old coffee can) Stuff like save the whales and she loves getting
mail back thanking her for her generosity.

If she wants a big price item, what we do is, have her go through her things
she doesn't use or want and I list them on ebay, since I sell on there as a
stay at home job anyway. She uses that money to save up for something and
right now she wants a new computer - with a flat screen, because she likes
mine :) I've had a lot of sucess with this, she sold her My Twinn dolls (for
about 100.00 each) and used it to by American girl stuff, so to me, it was a
fair trade and I didnt have to pay for it.

When my son turns 5, he will start receiving allowance too. Right now, he
doesn't have much responsibilty because although he tries, I usually have to
do it over and it's more trouble than it's worth. I know others will argue
that with me on him having more responsibilities but other than picking up
his toys, putting his clothes in the hamper, it usually turns out way worse
than it would have been if I had done it myself.

Kari
mom to Kaylie (8) Noah (4) and Xander (3 mos)

    We don't right now (kids are almost 9 years, 6 years, and
6 months old), mostly because I've just been lazy.

    I don't really believe in giving allowances for
chores.  You do chores because you're part of the family
and we all have work to do, not because you're getting
paid for it.  Getting paid for chores sort of suggests
that you can decide not to do chores if you're willing to
forego the money ;-)  However, there are probably times
when it makes sense to *dock* an allowance for not doing
chores (e.g., you have to pay Mom to clean your room if
you're not willing to do it) or having inappropriate
behavior (e.g., if you're wild in the house and break
something, perhaps you have to use allowance money to
pay for it).

    I don't think you have to keep charts, but it
has to be absolutely clear to the kids how whatever
system you use works.  If it takes charts for them to
understand, then by all means use charts.

    On the one hand, I think the point of having your
own money is to be able to do with it what you will, but
I do think you have to have limits.  I allow the kids to
use their own money to get things that I think are silly,
unnecessary, or frivolous, but I would not allow them to
use their own money to get something I felt was dangerous
or inappropriate.  The other big point of allowances is
to teach children to manage their money, so I do believe
that if you're going to give an allowance, it's ideal to
be able to give enough that children can have some money
for immediate spending, some to save for medium-term goals,
some to save for long-term goals (e.g, college), and some
to give to charity.  They're not going to start developing
fiscal discipline all on their own (well, most 7yos won't,
anyway).

Best wishes,
Ericka

I always separated allowance from chores and chore money for *above
and beyond* regular chores from chores that were done simply because
the child was part of the family.

I am not sure what a good amount is today.  My kids were born in the
70s, so things were cheaper.  We actually started allowances in
preschool, but it was only about 25 cents or 50 cents a week in coins
and they basically liked to play with the coins more than anything
else.   It was, however, a way to teach about money values - they
learned that a quarter equalled two dimes and a nickel, etc. when
they were only 3 to 5 years old by playing with the coins and seeing
what they could buy with them in terms of candy at the grocery store.

By 7, I think my kids got around $1.50 a week.  That was enough for
small toys or gum or candy when they wanted it at the time.

Allowances were to be spent freely until they were older.  Allowances
were raised to cover school lunches, bus money, etc. by the time
they were 8 or 9.  This was money they could either spend on the
thing it covered or save by brown bagging lunch or walking or biking
to school if they preferred to do that.  My son often walked to school
and saved the bus fare.  My daughtter often brown bagged (making
her own lunch) and saved that to spend as well.  When they became
teenagers, allowances began to cover more school expenses as
well as their clothing.  Again, they could choose to buy clothing that
was inexpensive or expensive (less in quantity) and if they had
extra money, they could spend or save it.  My son was a saver.
My daughter was a spender.  But both knew how to save up for
larger purchases because of this system.  My dd bought her
clothing at thrift shops but got good clothing.  My son bought his
at discount clothing stores and usually bought different colors
of sweat pants all the same size or cordoruy pants and different
t-shirts and that was about it other than underwear and socks.  
Neither of them overspent and sometimes they saved some of
that money.  My son hated to shop though so he usually just
asked us to get the stuff for him, bring it home and he would
try it on there and decide if it was ok.  Usually it was.

They also had bank accounts (junior banker program) and that
money was under their control, not ours.  They could deposit
saved allowance money and gifts from aunts, uncles and
grandparents there.  Large money  gifts, however, often went
into their college accounts, though they had a say in that.  Both
of my children had checking accounts as older teens so that
by the time they went away to college, they were very capable
of balancing a checkbook and writing checks for purchases.  

My children always did some kind of chores but they didn't lose their
allowance at any time for not doing them.  At 3, they were responsible
for helping put away their toys every night and for helping sort socks
when I did the laundry and for helping to set the table.  By 7, they
were more independent in these activities.  They were expected to
keep their own rooms clean (not vacuuming, but picked up).  They
were pretty good about it mostly.  They also helped with cleaning
the playroom (again by picking up the toys, so we could vacuum).
That was once a week or so.  They also helped with the dishwashing,
mostly putting dishes in the rack of the dishwasher, sometimes
drying dishes we did by hand.

Then there were things that were not *expected* of them for which
they might be paid if they offered to do them.  These were things like
raking leaves in the fall and snow shovelling in winter.  My son could
mow the lawn at around 10 or so.  Both helped with cooking (usually
not paid though).  

We did find it helpful to make a chart of chores and have them choose
the ones they liked best.  They also controlled *when* they did their
chores.  We never set a particular time except for things like setting
the table where it needed to be done before we sat down to eat.

Both my kids were very responsible by the time they went away to
college.  They never did have the problems with budgeting money
that I see in college freshman so often.  They were capable and
understood the value of money.

--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

i read something a loooooooong time ago (meaning before kids!) that
suggested giving allowances for chores you would pay an outside person
to do but not for things that are expected of them, such as good
grades. i've always remembered this article 'cos i liked the idea, but
now that i've read some other suggestions, i'm undecided as to what
i'd give an allowance for!

right now, they have to take care of all their toys in the living room
at night if they want to watch a movie or have books read to them
before bed. Alix does a wonderful job, sometimes Callie has to be
forced to pick up even one thing.

my girls will be 4 in March and have no concept of money, except that
they can go to a drawer in the kitchen and fill their little purses
with change. my 15 yo niece tried giving Alix a dollar last week for
her purse, Alix said, "no thanx." my niece promptly let me know i
wasn't raising the girls "right." i resisted taking them to toy stores
for so long, not wanting to deal with the "i wants" but it hasn't
happened...yet. sometimes i'll even ask them if they want to buy a toy
and they'll say no. a cashier brought out this box of free toys
children can choose from when they visit the store. it was filled with
all sorts of cool little stuff: a packet of paper and markers;
miniature people; etc. Alix picked out a little pink ball about the
size of a quarter and Callie chose a small duck with half the fuzz
wore off, like it was some other kid's duck and it was dropped in the
store so it was picked up and put in this box. i'm sure this will all
change...

pam sahm to alix and callie 3/24/00