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Family Forum / Parenting / Twins / August 2004Everything is a competition - HELP
OK, so we have begun the stage of competing at everything. The boys will be four in October. No matter what they are doing...getting dressed, eating a meal, walking up the steps, putting on their sandals, it's "I won! I won!" from whomever got done first, leaving the other one in tears saying "I wanted to win!" Not only that, but we also get the "nah, nah, nah nah nah" from the "winner", which only makes matters worse. I have tried telling them that it doesn't matter who does things faster, it's not a competition, etc., etc. I would appreciate any input on how to handle this! Thanks, Ellen -------- Erin 6/26/95 Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 >OK, so we have begun the stage of competing at everything. The boys will be >four in October. No matter what they are doing...getting dressed, eating a [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >not a competition, etc., etc. I would appreciate any input on how to handle >this! When my kids started doing this at around age 3, I found a way to make not winning sound like winning. Instead of having a winner and a loser, I congratulated one for winning the gold medal and congratulating the other for winning the silver medal. They'll be 5 in October, and we still have gold, silver, and bronze medals. Of course, Mommy or Daddy always gets the bronze. -- -Seth Jackson, proud father of Derek and Mariel(10/1/99). Pictures at: http://hitmeister.home.mindspring.com/familypictures.html Music links: www.mp3.com/SethJackson www.mp3.com/loudspeaker www.SethJackson.net I found that age pretty competitive in general. I do play it down a lot by also saying that families DO NOT compete with each other, and there is no winner/looser here. Sometimes I just ignore it unless they really get aggressive about it. Eventually they get a bit better but I think it's the nature of the beast - siblings! It too shall pass. Good luck Shirley Chris and Kathleen 1/95 > OK, so we have begun the stage of competing at everything. The boys will be > four in October. No matter what they are doing...getting dressed, eating a [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > Erin 6/26/95 > Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 I agree with basically ignoring the competition, or at best, explaining that we don't do that in our family. Getting dressed 'first' is not winning in our family. It is only 'getting dressed first.' Not 'buying into' the behavior is a method called 'extinction' in psychobabble...the idea is that by not paying attention (and giving the child the expected reward), you make the behavior extinct. Grandmom Gwen I just want to add to this that we had a short-lived period of silly stuff like "I get to use the butter first!" or "I get to _____ first!" After hearing that a half dozen times, we instituted a new rule that the declarer of such a statement would automatically go last. After a couple of lapses, it worked for us. As always, remembering and following through is key, though. > I agree with basically ignoring the competition, or at best, explaining that we > don't do that in our family. Getting dressed 'first' is not winning in our [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > behavior extinct. > Grandmom Gwen > OK, so we have begun the stage of competing at everything. The boys will be > four in October. No matter what they are doing...getting dressed, eating a [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > not a competition, etc., etc. I would appreciate any input on how to handle > this! I remember doing that with my older brother. You will have to teach them how not to tease the loser and to be good winners. Teaching them not to compete doesn't sound like it will work. Jack > Thanks, > > Ellen > -------- > Erin 6/26/95 > Bradley & Alex 10/5/00 |
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