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Family Forum / Parenting / Twins / November 2005It's difficult not to compare
My twins are 6 months old, and they are really really different from each other. Boy/Girl, fair hair/dark hair, teeth/no teeth, mobile/less mobile ! Whenever one of them manages to do something, it's really hard not to expect the same from the other one, KWIM ? How do you manage, LOL ? Sophie Mummy to Héloïse, 3 yo Caroline and Alexandre, 6 months Sophie, I feel the same way. It is really hard to not compare my girls...I think I do it naturally or by habit. In fact, I have a tendency to compare my twins to my older kids, as fas as what they did at this age! I just keep reminding myself that they are individuals and on their own schedules. I don't know what else to do other than that! Chele I think it is a Boy/Girl thing, as far as who does what first at least in my opinion. Ashleigh was Baby A and she has been the strongest from the get go. She dominated her brother in the womb and out here in the world too. Austin was Baby B, of course, and he has been "behind" her in everything by about a month. They were 9 weeks early, so at first I thought it was just that and now they are soon to be 19 months and I don't think it is that. I ask my mom and sister all the time about the different stages they are going thru and at least in our family, the boys tend to be a bit slower at doing things. Even my pediatrician (both of whom have been male) said the same thing. Boys are slower developmentally than girls. Austin was commonly known as the "Whimpy White Boy" in the NICU, as he was the last to come home and do what needed to be done before coming home. Ashleigh excelled at it and she came home just a week shy of a month, only due to needing to get to 4 lbs. Austin stayed a week over a month, as he had to have surgery, gain weigh and learn to drink from a bottle before coming home. I don't know how it is with girl/girl twins, except that a gal from the Mom of Twins group here has girl/girl that are a few months older than mine and she said that her Baby A does things a little bit faster than her twin. They are fraternal as well, so maybe it has to do with that. I don't know. Would be a good question to ask a doctor though...just to ease our minds. ;0 Just my thoughts! Take care, God Bless, Julie Mom to Ashleigh & Austin ~ 19 months on the 16th That's funny. Caroline was baby B, but that's the only time she was behind for something. She took all the place in the womb, she blocked the exit, LOL and since she looked and was smaller she was the first to be put on the breast ! She's stronger than her brother and knows how to get her ways ! Alexandre is the charming guy, that's how he gets what he wants. Smiles...except for the bottle...LOL. As a newborn he used to scream whenever he was hungry and he still cries at lot. Caroline just sort of shouts and looks you straight in the eye . It's funny. But you can't ignore her. Sophie >I think it is a Boy/Girl thing, as far as who does what first at least in >my [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > Julie > Mom to Ashleigh & Austin ~ 19 months on the 16th Hi Julie, I tend to agree about the boy, girl thing. I have Boy,Girl twins almost a year old now. It can be several months between them doing things. Madam is baby B and again that's the only time she's behind sir, baby A. Fergus > I think it is a Boy/Girl thing, as far as who does what first at least in my > opinion. Ashleigh was Baby A and she has been the strongest from the get [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > Julie > Mom to Ashleigh & Austin ~ 19 months on the 16th Oh yes, that too. I always compare them to Héloïse. What she did and didn't do at the same age and so on... Sophie > Sophie, > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > Chele I have not been on the system in a long time and am de-lurking. Comparing will stop eventually. My soon to be 11 yo B/G twins are so different. Chris is almost OC when it comes to his room, his toys, his clothes, etc, etc. He even organizes my room!!! His twin is a slob from the get go. She has to be reminded to clean her room daily and to make her bed (something her twin does automatically immediately after waking). He is a gifted artist, she is a gifted violinist, she cares immensely what others think of her clothes, Chris could wear huge shirts and oversize ties (yes he loves ties too), oversize coats and couldn't care less who sees him. Kathleen is an A student, Chris is a good student and excels in the creative areas, not necessarily academics. Kathleen is the drama queen, literally, loves to perform and loves audiences, Chris is quieter and loves one on one relationships, and is terrified of being "on stage." It certainly makes it easy not to compare them at this age. Though sometimes in my mind I wish Kathleen was a bit more like Chris in his neatness, and wish Chris was a bit more outgoing. It eventually evens out and you get a whole bunch of fun stuff from both of them. One's heart is full all the time with a whole bunch of bubbles from them. Good luck with your babies...it goes very fast. Shirley Chris and Kathleen 1/95 > Oh yes, that too. I always compare them to Héloïse. What she did and > didn't do at the same age and so on... [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] >> >> Chele > I have not been on the system in a long time and am de-lurking. > Good luck with your babies...it goes very fast. > > Shirley > Chris and Kathleen 1/95 Thanks both for replying and for your wishes ! I do find time's going too fast too. ;) Sophie Mummy to Héloïse 3 yo Caroline and Alexandre, 6 months Well I can testify that it is not always a boy/girl thing! My boys could NOT be more opposite in every way. The look nothing alike (one blue eyes, one brown), one weighs 10 lbs. more and is an inch taller, one is "all boy", really active and into trucks, action figures, etc., the other is all about the computer, arts/crafts, books, etc. One has the attention span of a fly while the other will sit forever printing, coloring, etc. It is hard not to compare, but it does get easier as they get older and their personalities become more apparent. Ellen --------------- Erin 6/95 Bradley & Alex 10/00 Oh I can already tell their each have their personality ! It's so fascinating to watch those kids grow. It really is a blessing to have twins. I'm really thankful for them. And for Héloïse too of course ! Sophie Mummy to Héloïse 3 yo Caroline and Alexandre 6 months. > Well I can testify that it is not always a boy/girl thing! My boys > could NOT be more opposite in every way. The look nothing alike (one [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > Erin 6/95 > Bradley & Alex 10/00 >Whenever one of them manages to do something, it's really hard not to expect >the same from the other one, KWIM ? >How do you manage, LOL ? Well, mine are different as night and day. One brunette and one blonde, one petite and one tall, one with CP and one without, one who is advanced in speech and one who is delayed, one who's shy and one who's very outgoing... it goes on and on. It can be very hard not to compare. I just remind myself all the time that they are just two separate kids who happened to be born at the same time, and if they were singletons the comparisons wouldn't be so easy. We just try to celebrate everything each of them CAN do :-) and we try not to see either as being "better" than the other... they're just different, with different personalities and abilities. -- Paula Mom to Olivia and Cassie (b. 4/8/03 @ 26 weeks) Noah (b. 6/1/05 @ 35 weeks) ^Grace^ (b. 5/16/02 d. 5/17/02) and ^Adam^ (b/d. 5/17/02) Well mine have different personalities, physical appearance too (and obviously one is a boy, and one is a girl), but when one of them does something the other cannot do, I cannot help but worry. Alexandre is roughly 3 weeks later than Caroline when it comes to physical abilities. But Caroline never uttered something you could understand while Alexandre says mummy and daddy, and strangers understand what he says. I mean, being a mother means you always worry anyway...But I feel so fortunate to be able to worry ! Sophie >>Whenever one of them manages to do something, it's really hard not to >>expect [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > Noah (b. 6/1/05 @ 35 weeks) > ^Grace^ (b. 5/16/02 d. 5/17/02) and ^Adam^ (b/d. 5/17/02) Sophie, Alex did everything 1-2 months after Bradley. Everything! I worried too, and I think that is natural :) Ellen Ashleigh is the same way...about 1-2 month ahead of Austin. BUT my boy has more teeth than his sister!!! :) I don't worry any more about who does what and when, it takes too much out of me. I just keep a record in there baby books of what they have done and when. :) Take care, God Bless, Julie Mom to Ashleigh & Austin ~ 19 months > My twins are 6 months old, and they are really really different from each > other. Boy/Girl, fair hair/dark hair, teeth/no teeth, mobile/less mobile ! > Whenever one of them manages to do something, it's really hard not to expect > the same from the other one, KWIM ? > How do you manage, LOL ? I think that when they're babies, it's almost impossible not to compare since they do so little besides pooping and eating. Every milestone is an event and if one reaches a milestone earlier than the other, it's natural to compare. But once they get older and they really develop personhood, the comparisons grow less and less important. As teens, there is almost nothing that I do to compare the two kids becuase they are so unique to themselves, so individual, and so different that I don't expect them to do anything comperable. They like different TV shows and movies, they learn differently, they choose different music and foods, honestly, they're just two siblings that happened to be born at the same time. It does get easier...the mantra of raising kids! Marjorie > Sophie > Mummy to Héloïse, 3 yo > Caroline and Alexandre, 6 months |
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