Family Forum / Parenting / Parenting / July 2006

Do you think you may be being a bit harsh here? For a start there's nothing
wrong with being dyslexic - there are many jobs in life which require little
or no reading and writing which are very fulfilling, so even if your
daughter was dyslexic, that needn't be a hindrance in her life. (And in
addition there are lots of people who cope very well in paper-based jobs
with dyslexia - look at Richard Branson for one; he doesn't seem to have let
his dyslexia get in the way of achieving some pretty impressive things).

Secondly I wouldn't say that being "academically weak" is the same as being
stupid. Someone who is academically weak may not be great at maths, or
science, or literature, but may be outstanding at something else - something
less academic. I wouldn't call that stupid, just better at something else.

Not really possible since you're comparing apples with pears. "Dyslexic" and
"stupid" are not two ends on a gradient. Dyslexia is a condition which can
be assessed, diagnosed and lived with, in that the person with dyslexia can
learn coping mechanisms, meaning they can live a perfectly fulfilling life.
"Stupid" is a personal value judgement which, in my opinion, isn't
particularly useful or helpful.

How does your daughter feel at the school? Is she happy there? Personally, I
think I would do the following:

a) Leave my child in the better school if she's happy there and the teachers
are supportive.
b) Find out what my child was really good and and enjoyed, and encourage her
to do more of that after school either through lessons, clubs, or whatever.
What is she good at? Dancing? Running? Playing an instrument? Woodwork? Most
people are good at something - some are more academically-minded, other more
physically inclined. See if you can find what she's really good at and try
to give her an opportunity to develop that.

Your question reminded me of a really good 15-minute video I saw online the
other day -
http://www.ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=ken_robinson&flashEnabled=1
(if that link doesn't work for you try http://tinyurl.com/hfef8 ). In that
talk Ken Robinson talks about this sort of thing - how easy it is nowadays
to put labels on kids and stifle them in the process. Have a look, it's very
entertaining and also thought-provoking.

Eric

There may be more pressure on her at the school with the better record.
If she's not academically inclined then she might get disillusioned.
But I agree with Eric's comments, ask your daughter what she is
happiest with. Find out what she's good at or interested in, and
support her in whatever she chooses to pursue.
Things can change though. I recall my early days at school, I had no
interest in science and found maths difficult. But in my teenage years
I developed a keen interest in computer programming and now work in the
IT industry.
So I would say give your daughter every chance to discover her real
interests and skills.

I was probably "academically weak" at about that age.  If there had been
exams at that time, I am in no doubt I would have been failing them too.  In
fact I was just lazy (and fairly slow at everything).  I would fall behind
easily and lose the place in classes.  My writing was virtually unreadable
and took me forever.  Not very good for passing exams.

I still am lazy and I am still slow - although now I call it being
meticulous.  At secondary school I pulled out the stops for the important
stage.  Then I made it through law school with minimal work and I am now at
the top of my profession.  (And I still find plenty time for being lazy!)

The truth is, 12 is way to early to give up on someone.  Exams do not count
for much at that age.  Have faith and give gentle encouragement.  My parents
never thought there was any problem with me and it never crossed my mind
that I would not go to university etc.

The boy who won the "dux" medal (for most gifted pupil in the primary
school - age 11) got no formal qualifications and works in his dad's garage.