Re: Therapists

Lonely, But I do have lovable friends like you to ease the pain.

Bob

Awww, thanks. Yeah, they do think I'm a keeper (friends, there is no
"otherwise" in my current life...he who didn't find me a keeper isn't
in my life any longer...)

How're things going on your end?

Enjoy it while you have it sweetie. These moments don't last. They
probably also realize you are a keeper (friend or otherwise).

Your pal,

Bob

I pretty much agree with you Bob. Altho I know there are forces beyond
my control, and even entertain the belief that *all* forces are
actually beyond my control, I do try to direct what I can favorably,
and when it doesn't turn out so, to step back and try to figure out
how to salvage whatever I can in the most favorable way.

But then again, my zen experience, as you put it, probably still has
my usually cynically idealist brain clouded with optimism still--tho I
am now back in my home town and other life, which so far has been
wonderful. Seeing all my friends (everyone inviting me to dinner! :),
all who recognize that "I'm back" (kinda like the terminator, LOL?)

Fill

Bill - It comes from my heart, and painful experiences. And to be
honest, I think it is true most of the time.

If we were certain we could direct circumstances in a favorable
direction, we'd all be practicing that very thing :-)

Bob

That thought, "I can only hope for a good outcome when I can't control it",
is fascinating.    Where does that come from?   I'm still thinking about it,
and wonder if and when it's really true.  Maybe, sometimes, it is the truth.

Thanks Bill. That was also running around in my mind. I still hope for
the best outcome, but both have to work towards it.

Maybe a good reminder here is "I can only hope for a good outcome, when
I can't control it".

Bob

I think there are two issues here.     One is with Erin and perhaps her
meds, but the other is with her husband.   And the two seem inextricably
related, at least at this point.    But the doctor can't solve the latter,
and I think Erin has already stated her options are limited.

Erin - Have you thought about seeking help from a different doctor?

I thought you might have issues that could use professional help, but if
you were already seeking that help, did you look past the first doctor
treating you?

Bob

Yeah, maybe-- as in legaleze but the drugs were not aspirin.  They
were antipsychotics for schizophrenia.  Maybe schizophrenia is
being redefined as bipolar with a little schizo sauce on the top or
mixed schizophrenia.  It must have been a delusion anyway and the
timing was so apropos - no such drugs prescribed for 28 years of
the marriage.  Ahem.

Maybe it depends on how he "defines it".    I don't know.    I don't think
you're schizophrenic.

If it is/was an affair and he's been lying to me about it, then
his time is going to come.  But if as he swears there was no
such thing, and I am deluded, then I guess his advice to the
dr. to give me antipsychotics for schizophrenia is justified.
Time will tell.

Erin

Maybe just talking it out is of some value to her, Xorra?   You feel it has
that potential too, n'est pas?

The bottom line is:  we can't solve anyone else's problems here.   That fix
has to come from within.

I just don't see how it's helping you, that's all.  I mean, the issues and
the words even are almost the exact same.  I think it's sad that you are so
stuck in the same place.

Xorra

I'm a sceptic Xorra.  I don't want to jump to a conclusion when
a multitude of theories are open, due to lack of information, secrecy,
ignorance, prejudice or just not knowing the facts.  I think a lot
of harm can be done that way.   Check out "war propaganda" for
example.

Nope; I will wait for the truth.  Emotinally, I have found these
chats very helpful, so I am making progress.  As for the therapists
they seem more confused than I am - each getting a different
story from DH - so in a way you cannot blame them-- but sane
conflicts may not be the problem - depression might be-- see  what
I mean?

Erin

But you don't seem to be working them out at all.  You come and say things
like this, and then you come and say you've reached agreement of some kind,
and then you come and say this again.  I agree with his doctors.  You are
going to HAVE to learn to accept that woman in his life, because he WON'T
give her up no matter what. It's not right, it's not fair, but it's your
reality.  It's my reality now too.

Xorra

I don't have anyone else to talk to.  I like the internet as it
enables
me to work out the problems in my life.  It's free and there are
people
who can continue a discussion indefinitely.

Erin

Do you never, ever get tired of coming back and repeating the same things
over and over again?  You aren't likely to get different answers.

Xorra

In this case, it seems obvious to me that the therapist should refer
the
patient to a psychiatrist or doctor first, and the tell him to come
back
for the "issues".

Erin

Typically what they do has a lot to do with what their client wants.

The question would be, what is your husband trying to get out of
therapy?

My opinion is that therapy is most likely to be successful when
clients go into the therapuetic relationship with some specific things
they are asking for help from their therapist for.  That doesn't mean
that the list of things they want help with may not change and grow.

What it does mean is that therapists can't magically make you perfect.
The best they can do is help you work on what _you_ want to work on.

I don't know what therapists do, but he's certainly changed since
spending thousands of dollars on them --
sicker, more depressed, amnesic, apathetic and very
antisocial.  Good work!

Erin