Re: Interesting book on narcissism and effects on relationships

Uhm, yeah but a little challenging on human nature, especially if you
try
to become a Buddhist in middle age, after a carreer, in say corporate
crime.
I suppose some born-again Christians have gone through such
transformations.

Erin

On Jul 3, 5:37 pm, "Bill in Co" <surly_curmudg...@earthlink.net>
wrote:

Hmmmm, guys. Today, I put up my hammock (it strings between the
clothesline and the crabapple tree), and rocked in it and read some
parts of Eckhart Tolle's *The Power of Now*--which you all have
mentioned here before.

Tolle makes a compelling case for the narcissism that you speak of
above, but also recognizes that we can in fact go beyond it, tho few
of us try or do. Given my where-I'm-at-edness" I'll just quote this
brief part, from page 128:

"If you stop investing it with "selfness," the mind loses its
compulsive quality, which basically is the compulsion to judge, and so
to resist what *is*, which creates conflict, drama, and new pain. In
fact, the moment that judgment stops through accpetance of what *is*,
you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for
peace."

It's a cool book--I read it before on the recommendation of someone
here--maybe Doug A?--and enjoyed re-reading it and listening to the
silence between the cardinal song, the car sounds, the firebombs,
etc........

Fill

Except perhaps, as one well-reknown philosopher once pointed out, the basic
absurdity of life.

Close enough. I wasn't making any judgements.

That said, how well does mmmousemaid get along with her husband?

Hmmm. I disagree. To me sometimes it's nature and sometimes it's
nurture
and one second nature wins over nurture and the next it's the other
way
round. What determines which happens when? I guess it has something
to do with The Dao.

O, and little incidentals like time and space... for instance, how
much of
a hurry am I in and how much of my time have other people wasted/saved
helps to determine my mood and how far away am I from where I wanted
to be? What a coincidence: that (space and time) about sums up the
material
world, doesn't it?

- Michaela

Read what she wrote.  Michaela wrote "The question for Michaela is..."  She
didn't make any statement about the question for _you_.

Hmm.  Maybe I think the opposite.  Everyone is born a narcissist, but
most people are socialized into tempering their narcissism.

Uhm, Michaela.... how do you know I don't get along with others?
I *do*.  And I am a very kind and compassionate person by their
feedback.  However, I agree with you that Robert Hare's (e.g.)  and
the above
classic are pop psychology.  Personality psychology is more
sociological
in observation; maybe close to anthropology though more specific.
Still, in some cases this book do describe habits of thinking that may
have orginated for a number of reasons -- developmental, upbringing,
culture,  or just ill will.  I don't think anybody is born a
narcissist.

Erin

Words like 'narcissism' remind me of the theme song of Weeds.

Seems to me that labels are only useful up to a point. And motives
for abuse of such labels may be hidden even to the labeler themselves.

I imagine we all have one/some/several/many/lots of narcissistic
tendencies
that do and don't manifest at different times.

If we look carefully we might begin to see a pattern emerge.

I think of it as 'separation'. When we feel separate from anyone or
manyone
else, we tend to do things that might be labeled narcissistic and when
we are
at one with everything around us we seem to flow happily along with
the rest
of the world.

The question for me is 'why don't I just try to get along with others
more often?'

- Michaela

Popular psychology:

http://samvak.tripod.com/archive20.html