Re: Loosen the Apron Strings - Alcohol

There shouldn't be any drinking of alcohol at 13 in the first place, so
that's really a non-issue.   Is this where we are now today?

I think I agree with everything you say.  And I believe my kids are
sophisticated enough to understand all of this.  But that doesn't stop
them from complaining sometimes when we are doing our job as best we
can.  They understand we need to set limits, but that doesn't mean that
they agree with the limits.

A philosophy with which I strongly disagee.

This is another of those situations where there is no universal
right or wrong decision.  However, I think that there are valid and
invalid reasons for the decision.  IMO, I completely reject the
notion that 'kids will do it anyway, so we may as well facilitate it
in order to minimize the potential damage'.  First of all, I reject
the notion that kids will do it anyway.  Secondly, I reject the
notion that if they do, they should be spared the consequences.  To
subscribe to this philosophy is to agree to be held hostage by the
kids, and it turns the whole job of being a parent on its head.

If you decide that your kid should be able to drink in certain
circumstances, either because of age, or occasion, or surroundings,
or whatever else, then that is your decision.  But IMO, that
decision should be on the basis of whether you think that child can
handle it appropriately in that circumstance, and whether or not
that child can understand why the restriction might be in effect
some times, and lifted at other times.  And part of that
understanding should be based upon whether the child understands
that these decisions might be made subjectively on a case by case
basis, and that there is no universal standard, or no exact
algorithm by which these decisions will be made.

If the kid is sophisticated enough to understand those things, and
is sophisticated enough to understand that it is the parent's job to
make those decisions in the end, and is sophisticated enough to
understand why giving permision to do something that is contrary to
law in this case does not mean a free pass to break any other laws,
then I say that the kid is probably sophisticated enough to handle
drinking on those certain occasions.

Thought I would ask how others handle the Alcohol issue with their
teenagers.

We (my wife and I) drink socially, but not much at all.  Maybe once a
month or so, if people are over.  We have allowed our 16 year old to
have a couple of drinks at special occasions (New Years Eve, etc.).  Our
thoughts are that she will probably drink at some point and we would
just as well she experience it first with our supervision.  Myself
personally and my wife, both starting drinking alcohol at age 16.  We
drank a lot more when we were younger.  My wife stays away from it,
because her father drank way too much.

Our first experience was when our oldest was in Grade 10 and barely 16.
  One of her hockey teammates (her coaches daughter) was turning 17 and
her parents were having a party for her.  The party was in their house
and the parents would be chaperoning.  The parents made sure we were
aware that there would be alcohol at the party.  In our jurisdiction it
is illegal to drink until age 18.  But apparently this happens quite a bit.

Our first instinct was to say she couldn't go.  Then that she could go,
but wasn't allowed to drink.  We ended up buying her two 'coolers' and
let her go to the party.  We dropped her off and picked her up.  I guess
we have set the precedent that our kids can drink once they are in Grade
10.  Thankfully, this daughter isn't all that social and hasn't asked to
do anything like this since.

We recently had a fight with our second daughter who is 14 and in Grade
9.  They have a small graduation ceremony (from Junior High) and our
daughter wanted to be able to go to a party where drinking would be
happening.  Supposedly, everyone was going to be there.  We held our
ground and told her it wasn't allowed until she was in Grade 10 and even
then only when supervised.

This daughter is very social and I have no doubt she will be asking to
go to parties all the time in grade ten (a couple of months away).

What to do?????