Re: Loosen the Apron Strings - Alcohol

It happens here far too often.  A couple of years ago, a 17 year old was
killed by people trying to get into a party.  He was one of the only
sober people at the party as he was a designated driver.  This was in a
middle to upper class neighborhood.

I know what you are saying.  The morning after the Junior High
Graduation party, our daughter told us that she was the only one who
'wasn't hung over', because we wouldn't let her go.  Then we asked about
  a couple of kids we knew who also weren't allowed.  Then it was
'everyone except me and them'.

Yeah right.

But I also remember what it was like to be a teenager.  There were those
who didn't do much socially (partying or sports).  Then there were those
who were doing stealing and failing in school, etc..  Then there were
those who partied and played sports and were generally part of the more
popular crowd.  I would guess that the first group was probably 25% of
the kids, the 2nd group was maybe 5% (or less) and the last group was
the majority of the kids.  I definitely want my kids in the last group,
where they learn to socialize, play some sports and generally learn how
to be part of society.

Yikes.  I don't think it is like that where I live.  At least I've
never heard a story like this.

Sounds like an idel threat from the teens.  Honestly, I don't think
death threats are illegal.

Yes.  One has to be careful about what your kids tell you about other
kids.  According to my daughter (for example) "all teenagers" stay out
until 4 in the morning all summer long.  

Yeah, right.

I agree with you.  I can't believe adults take on this risk.  I have
never heard of anyone getting charged, but it is against the law.
Something about 'contributing to a minor'.

Here is a story about what can and does happen ....

A couple of weeks ago, my daughters 'lacrosse' team was having a party.
 Supposedly it was just for the team.  But some of the girls brought
boy friends or friends.  The party of 18 turned into more like 40.
These girls are in grades 9 and 10.  Some parents hosted the party and
were allowing drinking.  Thankfully, we were out of town and my daughter
wasn't there.  Apparently, a bunch of people showed up at the house.
The parents turned them away.  Some of the teenagers got angry and
hostile (swearing and being rude).  Left for a while, then returned and
refused to leave.  One of them jumped the father who was trying to get
them to leave.  The mother was out trying to help and was yelling at the
teens.  The police were called to help get the party under control.

While the fighting was going on, some of the people inside decided to
punch holes in walls and destroy some things.  They think they were
maybe friends of the people who were being turned away.  Nobody will
talk in regards to who was doing the damage.

Last we heard, some of the teenagers charged the mother for 'death
threats'.  The parents were charging some of the teens with assault.

So on one side, you want your kids to have some adult supervision while
they are partaking.  The other side says they should not partake at all.
 My kids are telling me that only the 'nerds' don't go to parties
(similar to when I was growing up).  My kids are good kids and I want
them to be social and to be accepted.

It is a real tough decision for parents!!!

I'm surprised.  I know people (including myself and my wife) who will
occasionally let our teenagers have a very small glass of wine with us
at dinner.  I would never do this for someone _else's_ teenager.

So to me sponsoring a party fo 16 year olds where it is _generally_
expected that these kids will be drinking sounds very strange.

The idea that there is a _junior_ high graduation party where drinking
is being tolerated by adults seems simply bizarre to me.

Thought I would ask how others handle the Alcohol issue with their
teenagers.

We (my wife and I) drink socially, but not much at all.  Maybe once a
month or so, if people are over.  We have allowed our 16 year old to
have a couple of drinks at special occasions (New Years Eve, etc.).  Our
thoughts are that she will probably drink at some point and we would
just as well she experience it first with our supervision.  Myself
personally and my wife, both starting drinking alcohol at age 16.  We
drank a lot more when we were younger.  My wife stays away from it,
because her father drank way too much.

Our first experience was when our oldest was in Grade 10 and barely 16.
  One of her hockey teammates (her coaches daughter) was turning 17 and
her parents were having a party for her.  The party was in their house
and the parents would be chaperoning.  The parents made sure we were
aware that there would be alcohol at the party.  In our jurisdiction it
is illegal to drink until age 18.  But apparently this happens quite a bit.

Our first instinct was to say she couldn't go.  Then that she could go,
but wasn't allowed to drink.  We ended up buying her two 'coolers' and
let her go to the party.  We dropped her off and picked her up.  I guess
we have set the precedent that our kids can drink once they are in Grade
10.  Thankfully, this daughter isn't all that social and hasn't asked to
do anything like this since.

We recently had a fight with our second daughter who is 14 and in Grade
9.  They have a small graduation ceremony (from Junior High) and our
daughter wanted to be able to go to a party where drinking would be
happening.  Supposedly, everyone was going to be there.  We held our
ground and told her it wasn't allowed until she was in Grade 10 and even
then only when supervised.

This daughter is very social and I have no doubt she will be asking to
go to parties all the time in grade ten (a couple of months away).

What to do?????